For the Month of September 2018

Sexy / Crazy / Funny News from Around the Web

Email links, pics & videos to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE MONTH

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Pagano?" "Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?" "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?" "I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?" "I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?" "I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?" "My lips are sealed Father."

"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?" "Please, Father! I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "Well what'd you get?" Johnny says "Four months vacation and five good leads..."

SITES OF THE MONTH
wideNES -Wider Worlds
Life-Size -LEGO Bugatti
Not a Single -Chocolate Origin
Kinkade Meets -Modern Homes
Offensive Last Names -United
THE POWER OF WHAT -Flash Game
TIPS AND TRICKS
Use a To-Do App to Take Notes

When out and about, I used to put all my ideas into a pocket notebook. Then I switched to emailing myself from my phone. Then I tried the Notes app. Now I put them in Wunderlist, a to-do app. It’s not my favorite to-do app—Microsoft even released another app to replace it—because I use my favorite to-do app for my actual to-dos. No, this is my sidecar, and it’s a much better way to jot down random notes than using a text app.

If you have creative projects, especially writing projects, you might end up with a lot of ideas that aren’t really tasks. They don’t have deadlines or action items, they’re just scraps and inspirations and concepts. Like me, you might keep a few text files full of ideas. What I realized is that the vast majority of the time, I format all my “ideas” docs as bulleted lists.

When I elaborate on an idea, I tend to turn it into a new list. I’m writing down single lines, not paragraphs or pages. (I can only turn out pages if I intentionally sit down with a physical notebook.) I got tired of scrolling through all my existing ideas every time I wanted to add a new one to the bottom. I find it easier to work in an app that already assumes each addition will be a new, discrete item. It works in brainstorm sessions, but mostly just when I’m out and about and want to get the idea down and move on with my life. It’s how I store all my Lifehacker post ideas. Even this idea, because I never pass up a chance at recursive content.

Get whatever to-do app you want, but I suggest you keep it separate from your actual to-do app. You don’t need many features, just the ability to add notes or tags, and maybe support for nested lists. And syncing. You definitely want your ideas list to sync between all your devices. You might not get to all your ideas, but you definitely don’t want them trapped on your phone.

Feel free to send contributions or suggestions to: webmaster@sublimedirectory.com
SEX ADVICE

Q: submitted by LostOf95

"I've been with my boyfriend for five years and we have an okish sex life. It's not what I want personally my sex drive is ridiculously high however I love him and at the end of the day I have a hand, haha. When we have sex he nevvvver plays with my clit. He fucks me in various positions but I find it difficult to orgasm and its nowhere near as enjoyable as having my clit played with. Yes sex is intense and he always feels great but I feel like I miss out. Any advice?"

A:

"I think you should tell him about it, how is he supposed to just know you want more unless you say “I want this”. Also, maybe invest in one of those little bullet vibrators to use during sex."

-KoalaPeople

Source
 
CLIP OF THE MONTH

Fuck This Trash


Video contributions or suggestions to: webmaster@ sublimedirectory.com
 
 
STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
FRANCE -- A village on the coast of France has banned swimming in the presence of Zafar, a bottlenose dolphin that has become problematically horny. Roger Lars, the mayor of Landévennec, issued a regulation last week that prohibits people from swimming and diving on the shoreline when Zafar is present, as well as coming within 50 yards of him.

Zafar is “wanting, needing, yearning social contact from cohorts, and that need isn’t fulfilled,” Elizabeth Hawkins, lead researcher with Dolphin Research Australia, told The Washington Post. “It can try different dolphin behaviors toward humans to try and get that social fulfillment.”

Some of these reported behaviors include rubbing up against swimmers, boats, and kayaks, as well as once preventing a swimmer from getting back to the shore. She had to be picked up by a rescue boat. Samy Hassani, the director of species conservation at Oceanopolis, told Ouest-France that Zafar will rub against people and boats “while he is in heat.” Hassani noted that Zafar is a solitary dolphin—meaning he left his group and lives alone. The Telegraph reported that there are a number of factors as to why an individual dolphin lives alone, citing “food availability, predator disturbance, reproductive strategies, the loss of a mate or companion” or that their group drove them out as a few possible reasons.

Critics of the town’s new bylaw believe it to be an extreme reaction, given Zafar has never seriously injured anyone. Environmental law specialist Erwan Le Cornec told the Le Telegramme he plans to appeal the regulation. While the dolphin may not pose a serious threat—Zafar had a beloved relationship with the town before he went into heat—there are experts who believe such a regulation is also good for the dolphin, who can get so accustomed to human interactions, their natural instincts for danger are weakened. “There’s horrible stories of how people have interacted with these animals,” Hawkins told the Washington Post. In fact, a 2008 study from Marine Connection argued that solitary dolphins who become popular among coastal towns need more legal protection to prevent unintentional harm between humans and the sea creatures.

But what all of the marine experts seem to agree on is that Zafar means no harm. He’s just lonely and looking for some love. If anything, the unrequited dolphin has just become even more relatable to humans.
 
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Winner
"Oh I see your problem: your arches are too high!" -mitchum

Runner-up
"Excuse me ma'am but if you're not going to try any sneakers on I will have to ask you to leave." -E50


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