For The Week Of 01/01/2006
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland." The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!" The first guy says, "So am I! And whereabouts from Ireland might you be?" The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am." The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin?" The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town." The first guy says, "Faith, it's a small world, so did I! So did I!! And to what school would you have been going?" The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's of course." The first guy gets really excited and says, "And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?" The other guy answers, "Well, now, let's see, I graduated in 1964." The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it - I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self." About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer. Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head & mutters, "It's going to be a long night tonight!!!!" Vicky asks, "Why do you say that, Brian?" "The Kelly twins are drunk again."

SITES OF THE WEEK
My Miserable Christmas -Yours Was Way Better
Darwin Awards -Nice
Bizarre People -Top Ten
The Mystery of Larry Wachowski -Good Read
Donald Vs. Rosie-Hilarious Fight
Double Wire -Game Of The Week!
Tip and Trick of the Week
Drug Tests!
For passing a drug test when you’ve only got $5 in the pocket of your worn-out jeans, drink two liters of water mixed with one packet of Certo liquid fruit pectin (found at any grocery store) a couple of hours beforehand. Certo is the junk grandma used to make homemade preserves, and will taste like weak, sugarless lemonade when mixed with the water. Then, when you have to go, go. When your “product” resembles the Certo mixture, it’s time to take your drug test. I’ve been using this method for the last five years of my ten-year probation. I even smoke weed the night before and it works! Feel free to send contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com
ASK TINA

Q: submited by Roger
My girlfriend is always giving me blowjobs, and I have never once asked her to, only because I’m not a big fan of “deep sea fishing.” I mean, I will do it every once in awhile, but there is just something about it that doesn’t appeal to me. Then she gets all bent out of shape when I don’t return the favor. I just want to make her happy, so how do I do this and satisfy both parties?

A:

Well, does your girl give you head just so she can get some herself? If so, you should make sure she understands that you’re not down with going down, and that it has nothing to do with her in particular, it’s just something you don’t want to do. Ask her what else might please her besides steam-cleaning her carpet. If she doesn’t have any ideas, maybe you should consider using some of the more exploratory battery-operated devices out there, something that mimics the flexibility and rhythms of the tongue. Or else, try working a little digital magic. If she’s still willing to butter your corncob without any reciprocity, consider the following courses of action: a) fall on your knees and thank God b) buy her a Lexus. The thing is this: Oral dialogue with the holiest of holies is hard to beat. In fact, some women experience orgasm only in this manner. Perhaps it’s time you rethought your approach. I don’t really know how to put this delicately, so I’m just gonna come right out and ask. Do she stank? If so, you need to tell her because it could be an infection, something that could be remedied. Have her discuss it with her doctor. But if that’s not the case, what is it? Weak tongue? Lockjaw? Are you scared of the dark? You don’t seem to want to give up the head you get, though you say you never ask for it. So many guys write me asking how they can get their ladies to give them head, and you’ve got this woman who enjoys going down, only expecting a little tit for tat. If you don’t like having your woman scream your name as she grabs your head and grinds your ears with her thighs, there are lots of other guys who will. Just a thought. For more information on all things oral, check out “Going Downtown” about giving and “You Lucky Stiff” about receiving.

-Tina

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


Amazing Christmas Lights!
 
 

to view clip: right click video and choose "save target as" option. save the file "movie.wmv" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "movie.wmv" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.




Video contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com.
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
TYLER, Texas (AP) — A one-time Texas drug agent described by his former boss as perhaps the best narcotics officer in the country plans to market a how-to video on concealing drugs and fooling police. Barry Cooper, who has worked for small police departments in East Texas, plans to launch a website next week where he will sell his video, "Never Get Busted Again," the Tyler Morning Telegraph reported in its online edition Thursday. A promotional video says Cooper will show viewers how to "conceal their stash," "avoid narcotics profiling" and "fool canines every time." Cooper, who said he favors the legalization of marijuana, made the video in part because he believes the nation's fight against drugs is a waste of resources. Busting marijuana users fills up prisons with non-violent offenders, he said. "My main motivation in all of this is to teach Americans their civil liberties and what drives me in this is injustice and unfairness in our system," Cooper told the newspaper. Cooper said his website should be operating by Tuesday. As a drug officer, Cooper said, he made more than 800 drug arrests and seized more than 50 vehicles and $500,000 in cash and assets. "He was even better than he says he was," said Tom Finley, Cooper's former boss on a West Texas drug task force and now a private investigator in Midland. "He was probably the best narcotics officer in the state and maybe the country during his time with the task force." News of the video has angered authorities, including Richard Sanders, an agent with the Tyler Drug Enforcement Agency. Sanders said he plans to investigate whether the video violates any laws. "It outrages me personally as I'm sure it does any officer that has sworn an oath to uphold the laws of this state, and nation," Sanders said. "It is clear that his whole deal is to make money and he has found some sort of scheme, but for him to go to the dark side and do this is infuriating." Smith County Deputy Constable Mark Waters, a narcotics officer, said the video is insulting to law enforcement officials. "This is a slap in the face to all that we do to uphold the laws and keep the public safe," he said.
 
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"Perfect 10"-Glenio
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"Now for the feel test"-Brian
"Guess the bra size"-Bob



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