It's 2:30 am when the red phone in President Bush's bed room rings. He sleepily answers it and the security operator says that they have Osama on the line. Bush quickly wakes up and says to patch bin Laden through. Osama: I just had the most wonderful of dreams! New York City was in ruins... All of its highest towers crumbled! On all that was left standing were tapestries and banners that said "Allah is Great!" Bush: Oh... I see... Well, I also had a dream. In my dream Afghanistan was turned into a wonderfully productive place. Its cities were heads of commerce and culture. It lead the world in science and art... And there were also banners everywhere... Osama: What did these banners of yours say? Bush: Oh... the banners.. I don't know.. they were all in Hebrew.

Q: submitted by Pete

I need your advice on a problem that I'm sure many thousands of other SD fans can understand. I'm a 34 year-old male, happily and faithfully married for 6+ years now, but my wife's sexual attitude has taken a turn for the worse over the years. Now I'm afraid I might stray and that's why I'm writing. Before we got married, she was great - we had sex in public places, we tried toys, we watched videos together, all kinds of kinks -- everything was beautiful. Soon after we tied the knot though, she told me that she wasn't a big fan of wet kisses, that she didn't like receiving oral sex, and so forth and so on. Nowadays I have trouble even getting a good hug. I've tried all kinds of twists - night out on the town, nice lingerie, cooked her dinner, candlelight, everything… But it's almost always the same even though I try to do different things. Sure, the sex can be fulfilling at times, but I'm continually fantasizing about the earlier days when she let me do crazy things like shave her and give her oral, etc. I think that the problem stems from her being a tight and light hottie to a slightly voluptuous mom with two little kids. At least that's what she says when we try to discuss this issue. She doesn't see herself as a hottie anymore, and rarely does she act like one. My repeated overtures are too often dismissed - which leaves me nothing but frustrated and anxious - which only worsens things. Besides the regular self-relief, what else can I do?

A:
I love to get a question like this because it gives other sublimers an opportunity to see what a real man is. Married for six years with two kids and is doing everything he can to stay loyal to his wife. I think you hit the nail on the head for the reason she is not as sexually liberal as she used to. I talked to a number of married women on this one and they all agreed that putting on a couple of pounds and having two kids will definitely cause women to feel unsexy and insecure at times. I think you were going down the right path by setting up romantic dinners, flowers etc, but I think you need to do one more thing. You need to constantly remind your wife how beautiful and sexy she is to you. If you are constantly letting her know how much she turns you on and how lucky you are to have such a beautiful wife it will only be a short time before you guys are doing things like pulling over for a quickie in the back seat of the car. If this doesn't work then you need to sit down and talk to her. This time letting her know how important this is to you and that it is an issue that needs to be resolved. Getting her to agree to see a therapist could very beneficial. Not so much the advice but rather having a third party mediating can be very helpful. The main thing is just to keep trying until the problem is resolved. Good luck and drop me an email update when you get a chance.

-JD