For The Week Of 01/13/2014
Happy with all the porn you're taking off Sublime? Time to give something back...
This week's Sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world-famous Sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entries to webmaster@ sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer, the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here." He doesn't react.

SITES OF THE WEEK
Neave TV -Random Television
Pointless Diagrams -Meaningless
Top 10 Things -Porn Gets Wrong
Salvador Dali's -Zodiac Signs
How to Make -The Alcohockey 2.0
Dojo of Death -Flash Game
TIPS AND TRICKS
SafeSpot Sends a Geo-Tagged SOS if You're Incapacitated

Android: There are a lot of 'in case of emergency' SOS apps on the Play Store, but the onus is on user to hit a button or tap something. Instead, SafeSpot turns your Android into a virtual dead man's switch, sending out an SOS text message if you let go of your screen.P The app's idea is that you probably know when you are in a dangerous area, so in such cases, start SafeSpot and select one of the preset contact groups you made. A yellow dot appears at the bottom of the on screen. Drag the dot up and it turns orange. If you let go of the screen when the dot is orange, an SOS is sent out to all the people in your contact group.
If you think you're safe, just drag the dot back to the bottom till it turns yellow.P The only catch is that you need to make sure your GPS is turned on as SafeSpot needs to send a text message with your GPS coordinates. In tests, when GPS was off, the app couldn't get a reading and crashed.

Feel free to send contributions or suggestions to: webmaster@sublimedirectory.com
ASK MY GF

Q: submitted by Gimp

"I wanna try prostate play but I have no toys. Anyone have ideas for homemade toys?"

A:

"Women use the ends of hairbrushes and phallic shaped fruits (cucumbers work best) for replacements to dildos. Any rod-like object in your home *could* work, as long as you disinfect it properly. Wipe it down with an alcohol pad & lube it well. Enjoy:)"

-Heaven

AskMyGF
 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new Sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.

Living Room Cloud


Video contributions or suggestions to: webmaster@ sublimedirectory.com
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
PORTLAND, OR -- A 26-year-old Portland pimp has filed a $100 million lawsuit against Nike, claiming the shoe manufacturer is partially responsible for a brutal beating that helped net him a 100-year prison sentence. Sirgiorgiro Clardy claims Nike should have placed a label in his Jordan shoes warning consumers that they could be used as a dangerous weapon. He was wearing a pair when he repeatedly stomped the face of a john who was trying to leave a Portland hotel without paying Clardy's prostitute in June 2012. Jurors early in 2013 found him guilty of second-degree assault for using his Jordans -- a dangerous weapon -- to beat the john's face to a pulp. The man required stitches and plastic surgery on his nose. The jury also found him guilty of robbing the john and beating the 18-year-old woman he forced to work as his prostitute. She was injured so badly that she bled from her ears.

In his three-page complaint handwritten from the Eastern Oregon Correctional Institution in Pendleton, Clardy claims that Nike, Chairman Phil Knight and other executives failed to warn consumers that the shoes could be used as a weapon to cause serious injury or death. "Under product liability there is a certain standard of care that is required to be up-held by potentially dangerous product ..." wrote Clardy, who is representing himself. "Do (sic) to the fact that these defendants named in this Tort claim failed to warn of risk or to provide an adequate warning or instruction it has caused personal injury in the likes of mental suffering." Clardy wrote that he's tried to starve himself and kill himself multiple times. He asks a Multnomah County judge to order Nike to affix warning labels to all their "potentially dangerous Nike and Jordan merchandise." In the past, Oregon defendants have been convicted of using a wide array of items or substances as dangerous weapons. The list includes boots, rope, a phone receiver, scalding hot water and HIV-infected blood. The "dangerous weapon" classification can spur longer prison sentences. Clardy filed his suit this week in Multnomah County Circuit Court. During his two-week trial and his two-day sentencing hearing, Clardy was known for his unusual courtroom antics. He shouted expletives at the judge, prosecutors and jurors.

A psychologist declared him an anti-social psychopath who was 100 percent likely to commit violent crimes again. And Clardy disagreed so loudly that he was removed from the courtroom.

In the coming days, the suit will be served to Nike, which will then have an opportunity to respond.
 
BEAT THE CAPTION--GET FREE STUFF!

This is your chance to make a difference! Send in the captions that you think best suits "this weeks" picture below.

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Runners up will win a kick ass Sublime Hat!

This Weeks



Last Weeks


Winner
"Ma'am, this is a scene of a crime. Please get off the car."-JT

Runner-up
"The dude on the bike just popped a wheelie in his pants."-Brett



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