|JOKE OF THE
The residents of a southern town keep
falling down a deep hole in the middle of the sidewalk on Main
Street and always end up dying because the nearest hospital is 40
miles away. The mayor calls a town meeting to address the issue and
asks for suggestions. “We need our own hospital!” says one local.
“That’s beyond our budget,” answers the mayor. “Anyone else?” “I
gots a perfect idea,” says another hick. “Just dig the hole next to
|SITES OF THE
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Holmes -Game Of The Week!
|Tip and Trick of
the Week |
|For the cattle car airlines,
where you seat yourself according to boarding pass number, instead
of assigned seating (e.g., Southwest Airlines): While at the bar
before boarding your flight, dip the corner of a napkin in your
drink (beer works well, a Bloody Mary even better). Unfolding the
napkin as you walk onto the plane, place it on the seat next to you
as you sit down. Now, close your eyes and suppress a smirk as the
fellow cattle on your flight stop and see the open seat next to
yours, as well as the apparent urine (or blood) stain that is
apparently soaking into the napkin, and continue their journey
towards the increasingly dismal ass end of the plane. Now you’ve
nobody to fight with for the armrest, or, at least, you can be more
selective on who shares the armrest.
Q: submited by
Okay, be honest: How much do a man's looks really matter
The short answer:
Not as much as you might think, really. The next time you're out
amongst a bunch of couples, take a good look at who's dating whom. I
bet you'll see plenty of beautiful women with men no one would call
handsome even on their best hair day. That's because we're a lot
more concerned with whether or not a man is smart, funny,
trustworthy, and sweet than if he could pass for a Tommy Hilfiger
model. Of course, when we're out on the prowl, the best-looking men
catch our eyes the fastest, but that's attraction in its most
superficial, fleeting form. And even then, the average-looking guy
who makes us laugh, has something intelligent to say, and shows just
the right amount of interest without being pushy is the one we'd
rather talk to.
CLIP OF THE WEEK
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sent in by you guys.
Don't Piss Off The
to view clip: right click video and
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desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "boss.wmv" icon
on your desktop to watch the movie.
Video contributions or suggestions to mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org?subject=stimes_video.
|MEMPHIS, Tenn. - State
Sen. John Ford testified in a juvenile court hearing that he
keeps two homes, living with two different women whose
children he fathered. Ford's testimony was part of his defense
in a child support case. The Memphis Democrat heads a Senate
committee that guides the state's child welfare policies, and
for the past year he's tried to make use of a law he authored
that keeps court-ordered support lower when a father is
financially responsible for other children. In a Juvenile
Court hearing last year that is set for a follow-up hearing on
Tuesday, Ford said he lives some days with ex-wife Tamara
Mitchell-Ford and the three children they had together. On
others, he stays with his longtime girlfriend, Connie Mathews,
and their two children. Ford and Mitchell-Ford went through a
bitter divorce in 2002 that led to Mitchell-Ford's jailing
after she plowed her car through Mathews' Collierville home.
Ford said he pays nearly all bills for both families. They
stay in houses he owns and where he also lives, though neither
home is in his South Memphis Senate district. "You have two
homes?" Referee Felicia Hogan asks during the tape recorded
hearing from November. "Well, that's unusual." "Not
necessarily," Ford shot back. "I know people who got five."
Hogan responded: "For child support purposes that's unusual,
let me put it that way then." Ford is battling a suit by a
third woman, Dana Smith, who is trying to increase his
court-ordered support of a 10-year-old girl he fathered.
Smith, a former employee under Ford when he was General
Sessions Clerk, won a 1996 sexual harassment verdict against
him. Ford contends that any increase for Smith should be
tempered by his financial obligations to his other five minor
children. None of those children is subject to child support
orders. In the hearing, Ford argued all five children live in
his household — a household that encompasses two homes — and
because of that he is exempt from rules requiring strict proof
of his financial support of them. Hogan rejected Ford's
request, saying he must produce evidence of bills paid if he
wants credit to lessen any modification of Smith's child
support. Mitchell-Ford told The Commercial Appeal newspaper
last week said she can verify at least some of Ford's
contentions. She said she is six months pregnant, and the
father, she said, is John Ford, now 62. "John is over here
every single day, if not staying here," she said. Ford did not
respond to messages left at his Nashville and Memphis offices.
Mathews could not be reached. Ford's comments were part of a
hearing more than two years after Smith first petitioned
Juvenile Court to increase the senator's $500-a-month support.
Ford's income has risen dramatically in recent years. Evidence
presented in the hearing showed Ford's gross income reached
$356,899 in 2003 and $255,752 in 2002. Ford said most of that
comes from his private insurance and real estate consulting
business, though specific sources remain a secret. At Ford's
request, Hogan ordered state's attorney Joseph Little to keep
confidential receipts and documented expenses Ford was ordered
to hand over. Disclosure "would expose all of my business
interests and everything. It would put me in imminent danger
of a lot of different things I don't want to explain in here,"
Ford told the court. |
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"Are you feelin' horny,
"She’s got a pair of 38’s and one
44. But who cares about the 44."-Bathair
"And when I say ‘make me
cum’, I mean ‘make me cum now’!" -Rich
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