a man is sitting at home one evening when he gets an urgent call from the hospital. a doctor tells him that his wife has been in a terrible car accident and that he needs to come immediatley. without delay, the man jumps in his car and drives to the hospital. the doctor meets the man at the front desk and says, "your wife is in really bad shape, she is paralyzed from the neck down, she will no longer be able to do the things she used to. you will have to do everything for her, you will have to feed her, clean up after her, when she shits on herself you will have to clean it up, you will have to attend to her 24hrs a day." the man says, "this is horrible, what am i going to do." the doctor says, "im just fucking with you she's dead."

Q: submitted by Rachel

After we've had sex, my boyfriend always asks if I've had an orgasm. Ninety-nine percent of the time I do, but I hate being asked. Why does he do this — and can't he tell I've had an orgasm?

A:
Usually men know when a woman is in the midst of an orgasm because of the sounds she makes that signal her pleasure. Maybe you're quieter than he expects or you express yourself in a way he hasn't heard before. There is, of course, huge variability in how women verbalize orgasms. Some pant or whimper; others groan, curse, scream — even laugh. Whatever noise — or lack thereof — you can imagine is used by someone, somewhere. Another climax clue: During orgasm, the uterus contracts in a spasmodic pattern, and some men claim to feel it — while others cannot. Also, some women's vaginal muscles clamp down on the penis. This is often accompanied by overall body tension — especially in the legs. But not every woman's body tenses up; perhaps yours doesn't — and he's looking for those cues. Your partner could also be expecting you to go limp and fall right asleep after enjoying an orgasm. Perhaps you're energized instead and he's not used to that response. In any case, you've got a boyfriend who is asking because he wants to please you and he's not sure he has. While it may be irritating, he means well. He wants you to be satisfied, and he may be worried that you're lying in order to spare his feelings. But if the constant questioning is driving you nuts, it could start to interfere with your sexual responsiveness, so give him reassurance.

-JD