For The Week Of 01/30/2012
Happy with all the porn you are taking off Sublime… time to give something back...
This week's Sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world-famous Sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entries to webmaster@ sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

A newly married Italian couple is spending their honeymoon in the bride's mother's country cottage. It's the 1930s the bride’s father died long ago, and they don't have much money so this is the best they can do. The new bride, a lovely young woman, has never left her village and never been with a man before. Her new husband sits alone upstairs while she tells her mother how nervous and scared she is to be with a man for the first time. "You-a don't-a worry" Her mother tells her "I stay here and make-a the spaghetti, you go upstairs and have-a some fun" The young woman goes upstairs and readied herself to consummate her marriage. Her husband, sitting on the bed smiling begins to remove his shirt. Having never seen a hairy chest before, the young bride gets frightened and runs downstairs. "Momma!" she says "It's-a so scary! He has-a the hair on his-a chest-a." "Calm down, little one" her mother says, stirring the sauce. "Everything-a gonna be-a alright. I stay here and make-a the spaghetti, you go-a upstairs and have-a some fun" So the young bride goes back upstairs. Her new husband takes off his shoes, and pulls down his pants. Having never seen hairy legs before, she gets scared and runs back downstairs. "Oh-a momma!" she cries "It's-a so scary! He has-a the hair on his legs-a" "It's-a OK," her mother says in a calming voice. "I stay here-a and make-a the spaghetti. You-a go upstairs and have-a some fun." So the bride goes back upstairs. Her new husband is now wearing only his underwear and socks. She stands in the doorway, gathered herself and smiles at her groom. He sits on the bed and removes his socks. However, the man had fought in the Great War and was injured by a landmine. It blew off all of his toes and part of his left foot. The new bride knowing this was not normal cried out in fear and ran back downstairs. "Momma! Momma! she screams. It's-a so scary! Oh my god-a momma, I never seen-a anything like it before-a. You won’t believe it momma, but he has a foot and a half!" The mother stops stirring her sauce and looks up at her daughter in disbelief. After a short pause she says "OK dear, don't-a worry. You stay here-a and make-a the spaghetti.....I go upstairs and have-a some fun."

SITES OF THE WEEK
The White-Out -News!
Amish Porn -Unplowed Fields!
The Hip-Hop -Family Tree!
Cannabis Strain -Explorer!
Sterling Archer -Draper Pryce!
Rew -Flash Game!
TIPS AND TRICKS
xMessages Adds Timestamps to Your iPhone's Text Messages

iOS (Jailbroken): One of the major annoyances with the iPhone's default Messages app is that it barely shows any timestamps next to your messages. In previous iOS versions, you could long tap a message in order to see its timestamp, but with iOS 5 that feature is completely gone. If you've jailbroken your phone, now you can use xMessages to get this back. xMessages adds a timestamp to every single message you send or receive, giving you the ability to easily see how a conversation is flowing and when a message occurred. If you're already using the jailbreak biteSMS app, you can enable timestamps there, but if you're still on the regular Messages app, this is a free way to add missing functionality. As a bonus, xMessages also lets you put contact photos next to each conversation, which is useful for quickly scanning your list.

Feel free to send contributions or suggestions to: webmaster@sublimedirectory.com
ASK TINA

Q: submitted by Sasha

What can I do to avoid it being awkward if my guy goes down on me? How to make sure there's no odor? What are all of the things I should avoid doing? Please help! The more details the better! :)

A:
Good hygiene, eat lots of healthy food. Eat more fruits, minimize red meat and alcohol. Your diet will influence your flavor, promise.

-Tina

AskmyGF
 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new Sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.

Human Speed Camera


Video contributions or suggestions to: webmaster@ sublimedirectory.com
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
OSCEOLA COUNTY, FL -- An Osceola County woman is still in jail for allegedly calling 911 six times for no apparent reason. "What's going on there ma'am?" the 911 operator asked. "None of your business! Just send me a sergeant. It's none of your business! Why the hell are you so stupid?" Joan Mayo replied. Each time Mayo got connected to the 911 center in St. Cloud on Tuesday, she screamed profanities at dispatchers and berated them, according to police. Officials said Mayo never had a clear reason for calling, but neighbors said she was looking for something in particular. "She just wanted cigarettes. That's all she wanted. She wanted cigarettes," said her neighbor, Lillian Morales. The final straw came when police showed up to talk to her. Police said Mayo called 911 on her cellphone a sixth time while they were in the parking lot dealing with the situation. Mayo was arrested and hauled off to jail on charges of misusing 911. "Rarely do we get calls like this for service," said Sgt. Denise Roberts, of the Saint Cloud Police Department. Police said this affected two agencies, because cellphone calls are first answered by Osceola County, then routed to St. Cloud. But, Mayo won't be forced to pay back money wasted investigating her calls because no real calls were delayed. Mayo allegedly told police she had no regard for the 911 system and would call whenever she wanted to.
 
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