For The Week Of 01/23/2006
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK


An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern. The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you.

"Yes," she says, I remember it well.

"Ok," he says, "How about taking a stroll round there again and we can do it for old time's sake.

"Oooooooh Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea," she answers.

There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble." So he follows them.

They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.

The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and the old man drops his trousers. She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence, the old man moves in.

Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen. They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds. This goes on for about forty minutes!

She's yelling, "Ohhh, God!" He's hanging on to her hips for dear life.

This is the most athletic sex imaginable.

Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, still watching thinks, that was truly amazing, he was going like a train. I've got to ask him what his secret is.

As the couple pass, he says to them, "That was something else. You must have been having sex for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? You must have had a fantastic life together. Is there some sort of secret?"

The old man says, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

SITES OF THE WEEK
Mensa Test -How Smart Are You!
NASA -Eye Candy!
Milk Gone Wild -Hot Hot Girls!
Monolopy Cards-Ones They Should Have!
The New Gamer -Average Reaction
Insurance Hunter -Game Of The Week!
Tip and Trick of the Week
Cheat...Bill P!
Need to pay your utility bills late? Send the checks to the "wrong" address. Put your water bill in the envelope for the power company and the power bill in the water company's envelope. When they see you've made a "mistake," you'll buy a little more time without facing fines or interest. Hopefully you will have enough time to pawn your dead grandmother's antique doll collection since your worthless sack of fat hasn't worked since A-Rod was a Mariner.

contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com
ASK TINA

Q: submited by Ashley
My boyfriend and have been having sex for months. A few days ago he asked me to lick or rub his nipples because he was curious what it feels like when he does it to me. But he really liked it a lot. This kind of creeps me out. Is it normal for guys to get turned on by nipple-play?
A:
Your question brings up one of life's eternal mysteries: Why do men have nipples? Well, I don't have the answer to that, but I can tell you that although it is kind of weird that guys have nipples in the first place, it is not weird or unusual for them to enjoy having them played with. Some guys like it, and some don't. Chances are more would enjoy it if they tried it out. While it may seem creepy to you, because the thought of sucking on a guy's nipples is kind of different, try to look at it this way: your boyfriend was considerate enough to want to know what kinds of sensations you experienced when he touched you a certain way, and he's adventurous and in touch with what makes him turns him on. If your sex is otherwise good, there's no reason not to indulge him by giving his nips a tweak now and then. That should be enough to keep him happy. Nipple play is not a big deal. Be grateful he's not asking you to get a strap-on and plow him in the ass (not that there would be anything wrong with that, of course, but...)

-Tina

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


Pride Of China!
 
 

to view clip: right click video and choose "save target as" option. save the file "pride.wmv" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "pride.wmv" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.




Video contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com.
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
RENO, Nevada (Wireless Flash) -- A former model for "Playboy" is earning even more fame for her vocals than for her looks. Heidi Cortez is the voice behind "Tissue Time With Heidi," a show that Howard Stern is programming at Sirius Satellite Radio. The job requires her to have phone sex with callers. It might be hard for some women, but she says it comes naturally because she's been recording adult phone sex CDs since she was 19. Cortez hopes the vocal support lasts a long time but talking dirty isn't her only career option. The 25-year-old also owns her own tanning salon in Reno, Nevada. However, she forbids her raunchy recordings to be played on the premises because, she insists, "we're completely professional.
 
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This Weeks



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"no no no, you're doing it all wrong. this is the correct form" -Ben
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"Okay! you said the doughnut shop is up there on the left, Right"-Steve
"If I make this, I will be passing the FINAL exam at the police academy!"-Scott



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