For The Week Of 02/04/02
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more Jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to mailto:webmaster@sublimedirectory.com?subject=stimes. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

After getting nailed by a Daisy Cutter, Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington. "How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" yells Mr. Washington, slapping Osama in the face. Patrick Henry comes up from behind. "You wanted to end the Americans' liberty, so they gave you death!" Henry punches Osama on the nose. James Madison comes up next, and says "This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense!" He drops a large weight on Osama's knee. Osama is subject to similar beatings from John Randolph of Roanoke, James Monroe, and 65 other people who have the same love for liberty and America. As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back toward the gate where he is to be judged. As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he screams "This is not what I was promised!" An angel replies "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you, Dumb Ass. What did you think I said?"

SITES OF THE WEEK
Hidden Ninga -Love for ningas taken too far.
Stick People! -why they are extinct.
Super Bowl Myths -Exposed!!
Know How to Curse -No matter what country you are in!
Wearing Diapers -at 40 years old!
SUBLIMER SEXCAPADE OF THE WEEK
Ass Face!
My friend and I joined the service together and went through basic together. He was not one to be full of life but liked to sleep a lot. The shortest man in the company had hemorrhoids really bad and was always wanting to show everyone. He was really twisted. At any rate we caught my friend sleeping one Sunday afternoon and the short fellow backed his ass over my friends face. Of course the man had washed his fanny and really did not expect anything to happen because my friend slept really sound. Someone yelled fire and my friend jumped at the sound. Of course you know the rest of the story. On his way up and out of the bed, my friends face went directly into the short mans fanny. At that moment the world stood still for just that split second. The moments that followed were filled with people running in every direction and trying not to get hit. Each one was laughing so hard and my friend was completely filled with anger and rage. After a while he settled down and began to laugh. That afternoon brought many of us together because of a stupid stunt and we managed to get through the remaining years of the war. We lost a couple of the guys and some of us visited the families after we came home. The short guy still remembers the face of my friend just before the lights went out.
–Submitted by Andy V., Orlando, Fla.


contributions or suggestions to mailto:webmaster@sublimedirectory.com?subject=stimes_sexcapades
ASK DOCTOR JD

Q: submitted by FGS

I've been with my girl for a year as of today. We're very much in love and are throughly enjoying our time together. Unfortunately we live about 35-40 minutes apart, and don't get to see eachother to often. Usually when we do spend time with eachtother, we end up fooling around (duh). But 98% of the time "fooling around" just means that I finger her (No sex yet, we are both 18 and parents are always floating). Now, on a good "fool around" day, I'll get a hummer. But here's where my problem lies...SHE SUCKS! And NOT in a good way! I mean, she's so bad, it's to the point where I'm not at a full throttle erection. Don't get me wrong, I'm no guru in the sack, but she gets off DAMN good whenever I please her. I take pride in giving my girl genuine, memorable orgasms. I read womens magazines and do my homework. So what's the deal? Do I just wait it out? Do I talk to her? And when I masterbate (6 times a week-ish) I do the "full-fisted pull the skin over itself" method. No lube or anything. And it's always to porn, with visual stimulation. Is that hurting my cause? When she pleases me, she's always got a shirt on. I don't see any boobies or anything. Please man, even if you don't put this in Sublime Times, gimme a repsonse, I NEED HELP!!!

A:
you are a step ahead of the game young grasshopper...making sure to please a woman is rule numero uno when it comes to getting max vagina factor in life. now it is only fair that in return you get complete satisfaction as well. what we must first determine is the cause for your lack of full erection. at any point in your fooling around do you have a full erection? if you are only seeing this girl once in a while your schlong should be raging hard at some point with her. if you are starting off with a full erection and then in the midst of getting a bj you are losing it then your girlfriend may indeed need to adjust her bj techniques. the key is to get her to try a different style without making her feel like she is doing something wrong. the best time to do this is in the heat of the moment. for instance maybe she is sucking way too fast...just a blur of cock inhaling and it is just too much. while she is sucking on your piece you could softly, erotically whisper in her ear something like "suck on it slow baby..just hold it in your mouth." or maybe "tease me a little baby...drag your tongue slowly all over my cock." the key is to shake it up a little until you find what you like best. a little visual stimulation doesn't hurt either. i love seeing a nice thong flossing a nice round pair of ass cheeks. maybe tweak her nipples a little too while she is blowing you. if she is laying on the bed perpendicular to you while she is giving you a bj you could finger her a little at the same time also. the thing to remember is just continue to experiment with different styles and don't feel rushed. take your time and enjoy the moment..you still ARE getting blown after all. the other possibility that we need to address is that it may not be her sucking style. it could be the enviroment you are in..trying to bust a nut with parents lurking around is not the most relaxing way to have an orgasm. if thats the case then you just need to find another place to start scamming. you must also address the possibility that getting blown isn't the best way for you to get off. i for one prefer a combo handjob/blowjob for busting a nut. i can not even bust a nut with just oral unless i have gone without sex for like 5 or more days. add whacking the day before hooking up and it could be even harder to orgasm with just oral. oh yeah..that brings me to the porn. whacking all the time is perfectly normal..it is not hurting your "cause". whacking is a natural stress releif and people that don't do it turn into crazy people (you can quote me on that one). i would, however, in your case refrain from a whack the day before seeing her..just to be extra ready. once you get a older and master the art of the erection you could whack off when ever and still be ready for a lengthy session. btw, i also use the technique you do. i think any true pro ditches the lube and goes mano y mano (or should i say mano y pene). now go over to your girlfriends house..relax, take your time, experiment and have fun. after all you are partaking in life's greatest pleasure..its super bowl xxxvii and you are now qb at the beaver dome my friend.

-JD

 
clip OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


Rumble in the Desert!
 
 

to view clip: right click mouse and choose "save target as" option. save the file "crash.wmv" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "crash.wmv" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.


Car Bowling!!!


Video contributions or suggestions to mailto:webmaster@sublimedirectory.com?subject=stimes_video.
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
BOSTON (February 3, 2002 1:57 p.m. EST) - A man serving a life sentence without parole for strangling his wife is suing to force the state to pay for a sex change operation and hormone therapy to allow him to live as a woman. Robert Kosilek, who uses the name Michelle, planned to be in federal court Monday to ask a judge to order the state Department of Corrections to cover the treatment. He claims in a lawsuit that the corrections department is violating his civil rights and subjecting him to cruel and unusual punishment by refusing to provide treatment for his gender identity disorder. He said he suffers continuous depression, anxiety and a high level of stress as a result of being denied treatment. "The universal prescribed treatment involves psychotherapy, hormone therapy, and surgical correction of the offending genitalia," he said in court documents. Advocates say there have been several cases across the country of transgender inmates successfully suing to get treatment, including psychotherapy and hormone therapy, but none have succeeded in getting surgery. Kosilek, 52, says he began asking the state for treatment in 1990, after he was arrested in the killing of his 36-year-old wife, Cheryl. During his murder trial, Kosilek wore shoulder-length hair and long fingernails to court. His lawyer called him Michelle. His condition was not part of his defense, however. He claimed he killed his wife in self-defense after she spilled boiling tea on his genitals. He was convicted in 1993 of strangling her with a length of wire and leaving her body in the back of a parked car. Jennifer Levi, an attorney with Boston-based Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders, said inmates found to need sex change operations should get them. "Transsexualism is a legitimate medical condition, and experts in the field recognize that for some individuals, sex reassignment surgery is the only way to treat that. Bias - which is not based on medical information - should not trump a prisoner's access to appropriate health care," Levi said.

 
BEAT THE CAPTION-- GET FREE STUFF!

This is your chance to make a difference! Send in the sourtion that you think best suits "this weeks" picture below. If you win you get a free sublime T!

This Weeks



Last Weeks

Winner
""Will the Joker keep Cat woman hostage in his den of sin?! Will the big white vibrator be the end of her pretty kitty?! Can Batman save her? Tune in next week, same SUBLIME TIME, same SUBLIME CHANNEL!!" -Durty Smurf
Runners-up
"and now introducing the new S&M barbie, for those naughty little girls AND BOYS!." -RCL
"Today's Sesame Street was brought to you by the letters 'S' and 'M'." -St jarna
"After the big bad sublime wolf had tied up lil red riding boots, he told her, he was gonna eat her, she said ... "Eat Eat Eat, Dosn't anyone fuck anymore?" " -Quiet Ch aos

Archived Issues:
|06-18-2001 |06-25-2001 |07-02-2001 |07-09-2001 |07-16-2001 |
|07-23-2001 |07-30-2001 |08-06-2001 |08-13-2001 |08-20-2001 |
|08-27-2001 |09-03-2001 |09-10-2001 |09-17-2001 |09-23-2001 |
|10-01-2001 |10-08-2001 |10-15-2001 |10-22-2001 |10-30-2001|
|11-05-2001 |11-12-2001 |11-17-2001 |11-24-2001|12-03-2001 |
|12-10-2001 ||12-17-2001|12-24-2001|12-31-2001|01-07-2002|
|01-14-2002|01-21-2002 | 02-04-2002|




[ back to sublime main ]


Show your support..
Suggest SublimeTimes to a friend!

To (email address):
Your name: NOTE: Please put a name your friend will recognize