A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber, who responded, “Why would anyone want to go there. Its crowded and dirty and full of Italians. You’re crazy to go to Rome.So, how are you getting there?” “We’re taking TWA,” was the reply. “We got a great rate!” “TWA!” exclaimed the barber. “That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?” “We’ll be at the downtown International Marriott.” “That dump! That’s the worst hotel in Rome, The rooms are small, the service is surly and they’re overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?” “We’re going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope.” “That’s rich,” laughed the barber. “You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You’re going to need it!” A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome. “It was wonderful,” explained the man, “not only were we on time in one of TWA’s brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28-year-old stewardess who waited o me hand and foot. And the hotel! Well, it was great! They’d just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it’s the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!” “Well,” muttered the barber, “I know you didn’t get to see the pope.” “Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the pope walked in. As I knelt down he spoke a few words to me.” “What’d he say?” He said, “Where’d you get that shitty haircut?”

Q: submitted by Willa

My husband accidentally found my vibrator and is very upset. He thinks that because I use one, it means he's not good in bed. He doesn't believe me when I tell him it has nothing to do with his sex skills. In fact, I'd love him to use it with me. Am I crazy?

A:
No, you're not crazy -- and neither is he. A husband who's always ready and willing to satisfy you would naturally feel hurt that you're getting sexual gratification elsewhere (even if "elsewhere" isn't with someone else!). You may not want to hear this, but you partly brought this sticky situation upon yourself, by not telling him about your vibrator. Maybe he's more upset by the fact that you had a secret from him. Were you ashamed? Did he say something once that led you to believe he'd disapprove? Either way, now that he knows, it's time to fess up about why you like it and why you didn't tell him sooner. If he understands that you were afraid he would disapprove, it may be easier for him to let go of his negative feelings. Also explain to him that it was hard for you to talk about it but that you're glad he found it, because you'd like to try sharing it with him. Perhaps he'd like to watch you use it; he may eventually want to rest his hand on top of yours while kissing you. If he's able to experience the vibrator as part of his sexual pleasure, he may learn to enjoy it.

-JD