Three mice are sitting in a bar. The first mouse takes a swig of his beer and says, "I am a bad-ass mouse; I'm so tough that in my neighborhood we have these big mouse traps. I walk up to them, grab the cheese, catch the bar and press it up and down with one arm while I eat the cheese. I'm a bad ass mouse." The second mouse takes a couple swigs of his beer and says, "That's nothin'. In my neighborhood, we have that rat poison shit, and I grab it and eat, throw it in my water, gargle it. It ain't nothin. I am a bad ass mouse." The third mouse slams his beer, gets up and starts walking away. The other two look at him and say, "Where are you going?" The third mouse looks at the other two and says, "I'm going home to fuck the cat."

Q: submitted by CS

Hey JD, i've got an unusual problem and it will sound weird. My dong is too big. I know this sounds stupid but i am only young and whenever i have sex with a girl they always complain that it hurts too much, i have been asked to stop half way through a number of times and have even had a girl cry while we are doin it. Apart from this ruining my sex life i feel bad for the girl and it is embarrassing. I was wondering if you knew any natural ways that i could shrink my dong. i know this sounds drastic but i have tried everything else i can think of including goin slow and not puttni much in, please help.

A:
what you have is a gift young grasshopper. you just must learn how to master this sword that has been given to you. seriously though, unless your dick is thicker than a coke can and over 12 inches you'll be all right. lets remember that a vagina is elastic enough to pop a baby out. the problem is if you are on the bigger side you just can not go tearin' into the pussy like a bag of sun chips when you've got the munchies. the pussy needs to be warmed up so that it is both lubricated enough and elastic enough to take a big penis. a pre-intercourse orgasm (oral, vibrator, etc..) is a no brainer. you need to get that pussy good and ready. after an orgasm a girl's body is on "pins and needles" and just ready for some more. this is the time to try to slip that johnson of yours in. the thing that you need to remember is that if your dick is really big you are going to be causing lots of friction so you can not just go in there like a jack hammer. first put some water soluble lubrication on your dick. then slowly slide it in at 1/4 of an inch increments..each time taking a few minutes to kiss your girl's lips, neck and nipples. now if you can make it all the way in so that your pubic bone is flush with her clit then you are good to go. if your dick is to long and you can not do this then have her rub her clit instead. at this point things should be on cruise control. if a girl has already had an orgasm, has been teased for 20 or so minutes with a huge cock and is rubbing her clit the orgasms just come rolling in. remember to keep the in and out movement very minimal..about a half inch should do. once you feel your girl has had enough orgasms and you'd like to cum just increase the distance, slowly, in your thrusts. after a few orgasms her pussy should be able to handle your extra size no problem. there you have it..its just that simple. make sure to drop me a line after you've tried these techniques. ;-)

-JD