A man and his girlfriend are getting undressed together for the first time.
The man took off his shoes and socks revealing feet with missing and deformed toes. "What happened to your feet?" his girlfriend asked. "I had a childhood disease called Tolio " the man said. "Don't you mean Polio?" "No, Tolio, it only affects the toes."
Not wanting to ruin the mood the girlfriend pulled down his pants and revealed a severely discoloured pair of knees. "What happened to your knees?" she asked. "Well, I also had Kneesles " the man replied. "Don't you mean measles?" "No, kneesles, it only affects the knees."
Again, not wanting to ruin the mood, she continued and pulled down his boxers before starting to laugh.
Before the man could ask what was wrong the woman wiped a tear from her eye and said, "Wait, let me guess.....Smallcox?"
Going out to lunch or dinner can be a great way to catch up with a friend unless of course, you manage to accidentally pick the loudest restaurant in town for your hour-long hangout.
While apps like Yelp can help you figure out what the food might be like or whether or not a spot has free Wi-Fi, there isn’t a rating for noise level.
Now one startup is attempting to offer a solution in the form of an app called iHEARu.
Just like other crowd-sourced apps like Yelp, the app relies entirely on other diners reporting what the noise level is while they’re eating. Restaurant goers can leave their own subjective feedback as well as measure the actual decibel level using their smartphone’s microphone, Food + Wine reports.
Within the app, the noise level its broken down in 30-minute increments. Noise like everything else is variable. The idea is that you can see that a restaurant might be fine on Mondays or Tuesdays, but starts to be loud around dinner time every night after or that you’ll be much better off if you make that reservation for 7:30pm rather than 7pm.
The app launched this week in San Francisco with plans to roll out to other major cities over the next few months, with a goal of being available globally.
"Okay so I don’t want this to come of like I’m bragging or something because it’s rather frustrating than pleasing. So I’ve been together with my girlfriend for about a year and a half now and we never really had much penetrative sex because it hurts for her because I’m too big (8 inches) for her.
I’ve already tried getting her more wet and aroused but it doesn’t help and I don’t know what to do anymore."
Fingers or toys first.
If you really like/love her and want to stay with her even if you're too big and nothing works, then explore other ways to have sex. Oral, manual, toys for you, etc."
CHINA -- A man in Liuzhou, China’s Guanxi Autonomous Region, recently made national news headlines after getting his arm stuck in a squat toilet while trying to retrieve his iPhone 8.
The man, surnamed Tang, had been drinking with some friends at a local hotel’s cafe, last weekend. At one point he had to go to the bathroom and apparently decided that checking his phone while relieving himself in a squat toilet was a good idea. It never is, particularly if you’ve bee drinking. As you’ve probably already anticipated, Tang fumbled, and dropped his new iPhone 8 in the toilet.
Tang had paid around 8,000 yuan ($1,300) for that fancy handheld, and he wasn’t going to let it all literally go down the drain. So as soon as the iPhone went into the squat toilet hole, he got down on all four and stuck his arm in after it. He couldn’t reach it, so he kept pushing his arm further in, all the way up to his shoulder. At that point, Tang realized two things – he wasn’t going to reach his phone, and his arm had become stuck in a public toilet.
Too embarrassed to call for help, Tang spent a good 20 minutes trying to free himself, but his arm had swollen due to pressure, and he soon realized he wasn’t getting out of there without assistance. So he put his pride to the side and called for help. The janitor found him on the toilet floor and immediately called the local firefighters.
According to Lznews, firefighters had to dismantle the squat toilet in order to free Tang, who only suffered some swelling in his right arm and some superficial scratches. So he got his arm back but, unfortunately, the same cannot be said about his iPhone 8.
Luckily for Tang, though, he might be able to buy himself a new phone, with the compensation he got from the hotel. The Global Times reports that the man negotiated compensation with the hotel immediately after the incident.
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Winner "Where is he? I took off my landing strip and everything..." -Sam
Runner-up "The official pilot of DIY Mile-High." -KT