A man wakes to a beautiful, sunny day. “Honey,” he says, shaking his wife, “wake up. We’re going fishing.” “I don’t know…” she mumbles. “I’m going out to get the dog and load up the truck,” he says. “When I get back, you decide: Come fishing, give me a blow job, or take it up the ass.” She rolls her eyes, but when he comes back she starts to unzip him. “I see you’ve made your decision,” he says, pulling down his pants. “What’s that smell?” she asks, wincing. “Oh, yeah,” he says, “the dog didn’t wanna go, either.”

Q: submitted by W

Will a penis pump actually increase my size over time? And which one do you suggest?

A:
Sorry. Penis pumps do not increase size over time. They temporarily increase size and firmness while you use them and shortly after. But an hour or so later, you revert to your natural self. Penis pumps create a semi-vacuum around the penis, which draws some extra blood into the organ, giving you a temporarily larger, firmer erection. But once you pull your penis out of your pump, the partial vacuum disappears, and so does the pump's size-enhancing effect. If you want to be all you can be, pumps are fun toys for playing with penis size. If you have a disability that impairs erection, pumps can help raise an erection firm enough for intercourse. They're recommended by many physicians and sex therapists who work with disabled men. But the effects are temporary.

-JD