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OF THE WEEK
A 70 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day the 70 year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on - the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explains: "Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, but, nothing. Then I tried with-my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She - tried with her right hand, with nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She - even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth-out, and still nothing. We even called up the lady next door and-she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" the old man replied, "yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn't get the DARN jar open!"
If you wear glasses and go out and in a lot in the cold, then you have surely noticed the "foggy glasses" when you get indoors from the cold outside. What to do then? Clean your glasses with shaving foam. I do not know how or why it works but it does.
I have also tried this with my car's windows, it works well even there, although when fog begins to condensate from the heat, it takes some of the protecting layer of shawing foam away.
This works because the soap (which is really what does the job—any soap will do, shaving cream is just easiest to use) creates a protective film over the glass that keeps it from fogging. A little goes a long way, all you need is a dab or two—even on your car's windshield.
This morning (after some well fun foreplay) we had about an hour and a half of penetration. Then we did it AGAIN a couple hours later. Now a few minutes ago, I went over her house, and we were both fully turned on. But just a few minutes into penetration, she complained that it hurt her. I tried going slower but she just kept on insisting that it hurt. I figured she was sore from this morning. But she just texted me and said that after I left she tried to see what was wrong and was able to masturbate with three fingers without feeling any discomfort. What's up?
She may be sore and simply have run out of natural lube. Fingers don't reach into a vagina nearly as far as a penis does, so it likely is a matter of depth. If you want to try it again, I'd tell you to use some lube as that might help.
FONTANA, CA -- A banana peel, the torment of many a cartoon character, has allegedly become the real-life downfall of a woman in California.
Ida Valentine, 58, is suing the 99 Cents Only store where she slipped on one last April.
She said that she suffered a herniated disk and tissue damage, spent $9,000 on medical bills and is seeking an unspecified amount in damages.
"She fell and landed on her backside," said Courtney Mikolaj of the Quirk Law Firm in Ventura, California, which is representing her.
Mikolaj said the 99 Cents Only store in Fontana, California, refused a proposed settlement of $44,000. Executives from the company, a deep-discount retailer with hundreds of stores in western states, were not immediately available for comment.
The image in popular culture of an unwary pedestrian tripping head over heels on a banana peel stems from the late 19th century, when bananas were a popular street food in American cities and the press portrayed them as a public nuisance.
In 1879, Harper's Weekly groused that "whosoever throws banana skins on the sidewalk does a great unkindness to the public, and is quite likely to be responsible for a broken limb."
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