For The Week Of 03/10/02
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more Jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to mailto:webmaster@sublimedirectory.com?subject=stimes. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?". The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. "Yes I do" she replies. The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car having sex?" "Yes, I remember" says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?" "I remember that too" she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, "I would have gotten out today".

SITES OF THE WEEK
Bush Aerobics -Lose The Pounds.
Age Triva -On Your Birthday.....
Barbie And Ken -Sex Video!!
Flow, Flash Cartoon -Click On The Globe!
Horoscope -Future Telling!
Tip and Trick of the Week
Cheat Amusement Parks!

Next time you’re at an amusement park, rent an electronic convenience vehicle (you know, those small electric wheelchairs you see old ladies riding around in at the supermarket) immediately upon entering. You don’t need a medical reason to rent one, and it serves two purposes: First, it keeps you from having to walk all over the park; Second, and most important, you can gain entry for yourself and your entire party to all the rides without waiting in line. Simply ride your electric wheelchair to the exit of the ride you want to get on and you will be led up, with your entire party, to the entrance of the ride and immediately allowed on. In order to take some of the sting out of getting in front of others who have waited two hours to get on a ride, I recommend wrapping your ankle in an ace bandage and hobbling a bit for effect

contributions or suggestions to mailto:webmaster@sublimedirectory.com?subject=stimes_Tips&Tricks
ASK DOCTOR JD

Q: submitted by laudy.

JD I hope you can help me out because I don't know who to ask about this. My question might not seem like that big of a deal but it really annoys me. My problem is that when I cum my semen just dribbles out. I mean I don't need to be able to shoot a stream like Peter North but something more than a drip,drip,drip would be nice! Can you help me out? btw, I've been a long time fan of SD and visit everyday!

A:
luckily there is hope for you and your penis! you can most definitely improve your "cum shot" with a little practice and exercise. the reason your cum shot is not as powerful as you like is because you have weak pubococcygeous muscles. the "pc" muscles run from your pubic bone to your tail bone and come into play in almost all of your sexual functions. when you are about to shoot your load they contract and shoot your "little guys" across the room. the stronger they are the farther you can bust-a-nut. they also help you keep your turds in your butt so you don't shit your pants like grandma and grandpa. so you are probably thinking to yourself "how the hell do i work these damn muscles out? last time i was at the gym i didn't see any freakin' pubococcygeous muscles machine." ahh, that is because you would look like a total nut job if you tried to work these muscles out at the gym. in order to work them out you must first learn how to control them and what they feel like. next time you are sitting on the toilet try and stop the flow of pee while you are taking a piss. try and do it without using your stomach muscles at all. the muscles you are now using are your "PC" muscles. now don't go trying to stop your pee all the time so you can shoot a wad like Peter. if you keep doing that you are likely to end up with a wicked urinary tract infection and cursing uncle jd left and right. instead imagine you are stopping the flow of urine, without actually peeing, by contracting those muscles in repetitions of 15-30 for a 3 second count and then relaxing them for a couple of seconds. try and do this 2-3 times a day. this may sound like a pain in the ass but it really is easy to do and you can do it just about anywhere. just don't try it after lunch at taco bell in the elevator otherwise you are likely to rip a mean one and suffocate all your coworkers. in as little as 3-4 weeks you could start to notice a difference. if you really want to shoot the mother load do a cycle of steroids and contract them like a million times a day and before you know it you can use your penis as a pressure cleaner for your patio. seriously though, practice it a bit and give it a month or two. before you know it you'll be shooting the super slow-mo peter north cum shot!

-JD

 
clip OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


Four On One!
 
 

to view clip: right click mouse and choose "save target as" option. save the file "drunk.wmv" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "drunk.wmv" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.


Hercules!!!


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STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
A 4-year-old filly apparently kicked a 34-year-old transient in the face as he allegedly sexually assaulted the horse in Rolling Hills Estates, deputies said Sunday. “I'm proud of her,” said the horse's owner, who requested anonymity. Kevin Bryant was treated for facial injuries at Torrance Memorial Medical Center and released Saturday after being cited by sheriff's deputies for sexual assault against an animal, trespassing and being drunk in public, all misdemeanors. Lt. Jason Lum with the Lomita sheriff's station said the incident began about 1 p.m. when deputies received a report of a suspicious man with his pants down who appeared to be sexually assaulting a horse at a private stable in the back yard of a Rolling Hills Estates home off Rolling Hills Road near the Torrance city limits. However, the man ran off and deputies could not find him. Later that afternoon a man identified as Bryant returned to the area and was seen in another nearby barn assaulting the horse, said Michael Marshall, a maintenance worker who witnessed the incident. Marshall said he went inside a barn to call deputies and when he went back outside noticed the man had sustained a severe facial injury and was bleeding profusely. Marshall said the man told him he “ran into a tree branch” and attempted to walk away down a bridle trail that runs behind the homes. Marshall said he followed the man until deputies arrived and took him into custody. “It's just really sick,” said Amy Marshall, Michael's wife, who is the manager of a nearby barn where another horse owner said she also confronted Bryant in a pen with her horse during the first incident. “It's very scary, our horses are everything to us.” At least two people who board their horses at the cluster of barns in the back yards of the homes were so shaken by the incident they were contemplating finding new quarters for their treasured animals, she said. Neighbor Judy Ferguson, who also keeps horses in a barn in the area, contacted the Daily Breeze on Sunday in an effort, she said, to ensure that people in the area were aware of the incident. She said the man is apparently a transient who has been hanging out at a nearby apartment building. “I want the public to know this guy is out there,” she said. “People walk up and down there all times of the day and night . . . He's a sicko.”

 
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"This model comes with two airbags!!" -Nathan
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"Mrs. Mcdonalds centerfold, March 2002" -Jim
"I want to PUMP you up!." -Hanz




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