A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?". The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. "Yes I do" she replies. The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car having sex?" "Yes, I remember" says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?" "I remember that too" she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, "I would have gotten out today".

Q: submitted by laudy.

JD I hope you can help me out because I don't know who to ask about this. My question might not seem like that big of a deal but it really annoys me. My problem is that when I cum my semen just dribbles out. I mean I don't need to be able to shoot a stream like Peter North but something more than a drip,drip,drip would be nice! Can you help me out? btw, I've been a long time fan of SD and visit everyday!

A:
luckily there is hope for you and your penis! you can most definitely improve your "cum shot" with a little practice and exercise. the reason your cum shot is not as powerful as you like is because you have weak pubococcygeous muscles. the "pc" muscles run from your pubic bone to your tail bone and come into play in almost all of your sexual functions. when you are about to shoot your load they contract and shoot your "little guys" across the room. the stronger they are the farther you can bust-a-nut. they also help you keep your turds in your butt so you don't shit your pants like grandma and grandpa. so you are probably thinking to yourself "how the hell do i work these damn muscles out? last time i was at the gym i didn't see any freakin' pubococcygeous muscles machine." ahh, that is because you would look like a total nut job if you tried to work these muscles out at the gym. in order to work them out you must first learn how to control them and what they feel like. next time you are sitting on the toilet try and stop the flow of pee while you are taking a piss. try and do it without using your stomach muscles at all. the muscles you are now using are your "PC" muscles. now don't go trying to stop your pee all the time so you can shoot a wad like Peter. if you keep doing that you are likely to end up with a wicked urinary tract infection and cursing uncle jd left and right. instead imagine you are stopping the flow of urine, without actually peeing, by contracting those muscles in repetitions of 15-30 for a 3 second count and then relaxing them for a couple of seconds. try and do this 2-3 times a day. this may sound like a pain in the ass but it really is easy to do and you can do it just about anywhere. just don't try it after lunch at taco bell in the elevator otherwise you are likely to rip a mean one and suffocate all your coworkers. in as little as 3-4 weeks you could start to notice a difference. if you really want to shoot the mother load do a cycle of steroids and contract them like a million times a day and before you know it you can use your penis as a pressure cleaner for your patio. seriously though, practice it a bit and give it a month or two. before you know it you'll be shooting the super slow-mo peter north cum shot!

-JD