Pinocchio and his girlfriend are in bed, doing what wooden puppets do, when she suddenly sighs. He asks her why, and she replies, "You’re probably the best lover I’ve ever had, but every time we make love you give me splinters." This remark bothers Pinocchio a great deal, so the next day he seeks advice from Gepetto, who suggests a bit of sandpaper might "smooth out" Pinnochio’s relationship with his girlfriend. Pinocchio graciously thanks his creator and goes on his way. A couple of weeks later, Gepetto runs into Pinocchio at the hardware store, where his little wooden friend is buying every package of sandpaper the store has in stock. "So, Pinocchio," Gepetto remarks, "things must be going pretty damn good with the girls, eh?" "Girls?" says Pinocchio, "Who needs girls?"

Q: submitted by J

Here is my situation. I have just gotten out of a relationship that I thought would be my last. I know, we have all been there. The thing is, is that I am a mess, but I still want to date women that includes physical closeness. How do I get back into the dating world? The one thing I have realized is that when it comes to women and figuring out what they want, I am completely clueless. Any ideas? Thank you!

A:
Sorry for your break up. I know how frustrating it can be to think that you've finally, after all this time found the one you're settling into, only to realize that it's yet another what I like to call "begets" relationship. Meaning -- Many of the relationships we have bring us closer to understanding ourselves and our needs and therefore beget better relationships. Now, I know you're not going to want to hear this, but if you're a mess, you have to get through that and find your way back to being on your own comfortably again. I'm not advocating that you isolate yourself. On the contrary, get out there and meet new people, women. But, understand that you're still in pain. Until you grow past it, it is what it is, so accept it. Lastly, as far as figuring women out, they are as complicated as men. We're not as different as you think. Right now, focus on yourself, make new friends, put yourself in new situations. Take a class, drive a different route to work, smile as often as you can and you will meet women... Sooner then you think, I'm sure. Good luck and keep me looped.

-JD