For The Week Of 03/13/2006
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK


Once upon a time, and far, far away lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts. Nick the Dragon slayer knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician, exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it.

Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme. The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed.

Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer. Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts.

The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and touted as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King, with a laugh just told him to get lost.

The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer...

SITES OF THE WEEK
Death From Above's Music Video -WTF??
Croc Vs. Tiger -Rumble In The Jungle!
XMEN 3 -Trailer
Lego Creations-Top Ten!
Mars -Google Style
Nation States -Game Of The Week!
Tip and Trick of the Week
Cheat...Sappy Girlfriend!
Whenever you go out for Chinese food, bring your own fortune printed up on a tiny piece of paper. When it comes time to open your fortune cookie, replace your real fortune ("You will leave your lover disappointed") with your fake fortune ("The mood is right for a friendly chat to lead to romance"). It works every time—as long as she is gullible enough to choose her fuck buddies based on pre-printed Chinese wisdom.

contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com
ASK TINA

Q: submited by Rick
I’m having a problem with hickeys, and I was wondering if you could tell me how to get rid of them—fast.
A:
My Guide to Miraculous Cures gave me a fast fix for hickeys—right between “Cure Cancer in Four Short Weeks“ and “Heal a Broken Bone Overnight.“ Kidding. Les marks des passions are caused by internal bleeding when the subcutaneous (look it up) blood vessels burst under too much pressure. Icing the area down right away might lessen the discoloration, but nothing short of a turtleneck, some pancake concealer (matching your skin tone, of course), or an ascot will effectively mask the mark. There’s also the idea that vitamin K cream will help your body break down and reabsorb the blood from a bruise. Hey, it’s worth a try. But until someone invents a fast and fabulous “Hickey B-Gone“ balm, why not consider prevention the best cure; tell Helen Hoover to ease up on the suction action and perhaps suggest that she refine her technique on other, less visible parts of your body.

-Tina

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


FireCrackers!
 
 

to view clip: right click video and choose "save target as" option. save the file "fire.wmv" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "fire.asx" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.




Video contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com.
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
ST. LOUIS (AP) - If the human body is the last frontier for advertising space, then St. Louis resident Asia Francis is helping chart new territory - the big, pregnant belly. Francis, 21, auctioned off the advertising rights to her pregnancy on eBay. The winning bid of $1,000 went to a California Internet company, giving it exclusive rights to temporarily tattoo its brand-name on Francis's belly and broadcast the birth of her daughter live on the Internet. The baby is due any day. The concept of a human billboard is hardly new. Twenty-one year old Andrew Fischer of Omaha, Neb., earned more than $37,000 last year by bearing a corporate logo on his forehead for a month. Michele Hutchison of Lanhorne, Pa., auctioned ad rights for her baby's clothing on eBay last year, seeking $1,000 for a months' lease. For big companies, the idea is simple. Do something outrageous or strange, grab some media attention and cut through the clutter of advertising messages that bombards consumers. "It's a well-held theory in the advertising industry that the average person on the street receives up to 3,000 branded messages a day," said Floyd Hayes, whose New York advertising firm, Cunning Communications, specializes in media stunts. The pregnant belly is prime real estate for auction because its likely to get people talking, Hayes said. "If they were to buy the free coverage they will receive for this, it would cost them many times more the fee they paid the person," he said.
 
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This Weeks



Last Weeks

Winner
"Jamal proclaims himself "THE NEW POPE OF THE HOOD!! !" -D
Runners-up
"See I told you I use magnums."-Spooky
"Amidst growing concern, the African government recently passed a new law requiring all “Dickheads” to now wear condoms in public"-Pete
"Bubble Boyz in da Hood."-JayWet
"There is a dickhead in every crowd ... at least this one is protected. Protecting the rest of the world from dickheads .. Trojan Rubber."-Cyclops
"Africa's B film version of "Bubble Boy"."-John
"and the said the people left in new oreleans were idiots.."-Jason



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