For The Week Of 03/14/2011
Happy with all the porn you are taking off Sublime… time to give something back...
This week's Sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world-famous Sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entries to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. 'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.' 'Don't worry,' Jack said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing. But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend. He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, 'Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about nine months ago?' 'Yes, I do.' Said Bob.

'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?' 'Well, um, yes!,' Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out,'I have to admit that I did.'

'And did you happen to give her my name instead of yours?'

Bob's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?' 'She just died and left me everything.'

SITES OF THE WEEK
I Lost -All the Money!
Fuck Yeah -Headlines!
Humans -For Sale!
Anti -Duck Face!
Fuck Yeah -Nouns!
Impale -Flash Game!
TIPS AND TRICKS
Clean Your Laptop Battery Regularly for Better Battery Life

We've shared a number of ways to maximize your laptop's battery life before, but one tip you may not know is that, like the rest of your computer, you need to keep it clean. Here's how to do it. Every two months, just take a cloth with a bit of rubbing alcohol on it (or some on-the-go alcohol swabs), and clean the metal contacts that connect your battery to your computer. This will keep the energy transfer between the battery and your computer as energy-efficient as possible. It may not give you the biggest battery life boost in the world, but if your computer's rather old and dusty on the inside, you may be surprised at what can build up down there. Of course, you should always be cleaning the inside of your laptop anyway to keep it running smooth, so this extra step shouldn't be too far out of your way.

Feel free to send contributions or suggestions to: webmaster@sublimedirectory.com
ASK TINA

Q: submitted by sg

What is a 'breath orgasm'? Me and my girl want to try it. How is it done? If I can get a layman's term definition, I would appreciate it.

I think it's about holding breath & exhaling during orgasm...

A:
I think a 'breath orgasm' is designed to allow you to have a complete orgasm without ever touching yourself or another person. I saw a group of people do it in a documentary once. They did a lot of strong inhaling, exhaling, and energy releases, and eventually they all had an 0rgasm just by breathing. It's an advanced sexual ability that may take time and practice to perfect. I would suggest experimenting on your own with it before you do it with a partner. I don't think it will just happen on a whim. On a side note, you may try choking each other as you orgasm. It sounds abusive, but denying each other of breath for a brief moment can really intensify the experience. You obviously have to be careful not to suffocate the other person, but applying pressure to the throat so just a little air comes in can make for an intense climax...at least from my experience. Good luck!

-Tina

AskmyGF
 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new Sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.

The Vagina Show


Video contributions or suggestions to: webmaster@sublimedirectory.com
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
AMHERST, VA -- Authorities said a woman entered the Amherst County Courthouse on Thursday morning with a tiny monkey tucked into her bra, dressed in diapers and a pink and white dress.

The unusual event occurred when the woman arrived for a hearing in Juvenile and Domestic Relations court. Officials said they had no idea the woman had the monkey until the she went into an office for a routine procedure to fill out court-related paperwork.

When the woman referred to a daughter, a puzzled official asked where the daughter was and the woman pulled the monkey out of her bra. Officials confirmed the incident, from the commonwealth's attorney, Stephanie Maddox, to deputies who were working in the courthouse. They did not identify the woman. "You couldn't make up something like this," Maddox said.

Showing off the little marmoset monkey at her Amherst County home, she referred to Cara as "her daughter" and said she had found her on eBay. She went to Lexington to buy it and has the animal's clothes –– diapers and dresses — specially made in West Virginia. Cara caused quite a sensation in the courthouse when she moved her tiny head around and began gnawing on her dress.

One official asked why she had the monkey in her bra and quoted the woman as saying, "Well, would you leave your child at home? She has to be close to me." The woman was not asked to leave the courthouse and deputies there did not say whether there was anything unlawful about the animal in the building.

When asked who let the monkey through the metal detector, deputies quipped: "It wasn't armed."
 
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