For The Week Of 03/15/2004
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

An Arab was walking through the Sahara desert, desperate for water, when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old Jewish man sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out on it. The Arab asked “Please, I’m dying of thirst, can I have some water?” The man replied “I don’t have any water, but why don’t you buy a tie? Here’s one that goes nicely with your robes.” The Arab shouted, “I don’t want a tie, you idiot, I need water!” “OK, don’t buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I’ll tell you that over that hill there, about 4 miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way, they’ll give you all the water you want.” The Arab thanked him and walked away towards the hill and eventually disappeared. Three hours later the Arab came crawling back to where the man was sitting behind his card table. He said “I told you, about 4 miles over that hill. Couldn’t you find it?” The Arab rasped “I found it all right. They wouldn’t let me in without a tie.”

SITES OF THE WEEK
Make Your Own South Park Character -They Rebuilt Kenny...You Bastards!
Loop Labs -Make Your Own Mixes!
Last Words! -Of Famous People
Video Game Porn -WTF!
Lamborghini -Go Smash!
Memory -Game Of The Week!
Tip and Trick of the Week
Cheat...Black Jack!
Besides using loaded dice or bribing a pit boss, counting cards is the only way to screw the house. You’re going to keep one number in your head. Start from zero with a new deck, and as each card is flipped over, add or subtract as follows: For cards 2 through 6, add one; for 10’s, face cards, and aces, subtract one. Ignore 7’s, 8’s, and 9’s. At the end of each round, if the number in your head is positive, bet bigger than you normally would—the deck’s full of high cards, which is marginally worse for the always-hitting-on-16 dealer. If it’s negative, bet the table minimum, for the opposite reason. Start with the number in your head for the next round, but begin at zero again when the deck’s reshuffled. Be sure not to vary bets too widely. If you jump from a $5 bet to $75, then back down to $5 again, the guys behind the security cameras may catch on and reduce you to a carpet stain.
contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com
ASK TINA

Q: submited by Gissel
My boyfriend and I think it would be exciting to have sex in a public place, but we're afraid of getting caught. Have any advice?

A:
Having sex in public is definitely risky, but that's just the point. It's the adrenaline rush you get from doing something "naughty" that cranks up the excitement factor. The trick to successful out-in-the-open shenanigans, i.e., not getting busted, is discretion and speed. Since you don't have time to engage in lots of foreplay -- public sex is all about the quickie -- you can start building your arousal with some subtle yet scorching seduction. Unleash your inner exhibitionist when he least expects it. When you order dessert at a restaurant, tell him you want to give him a taste of what's to come. Then sugarcoat his finger with the scrumptious sweetness and bring it to your lips, savoring the treat as if it were his shaft, licking and sucking every last drop. Or, during a movie, slide your hand sensuously under his shirt and skim your fingers down his chest and just beneath his waistband. As he anticipates your next salacious caress, guide his hand to your crotch or under your skirt (if you think of it beforehand, go commando for super-easy access) for a few shiver-worthy strokes. As long as you stay out of others' eyeshot and keep your moans to a minimum, no one will even know what you're up to. After a session of forbidden fondling, when you're both so horny you can't take it, find a private spot where you can consummate your taboo tryst. Hit the restroom at a hotel, restaurant or bar. Put down the toilet seat, mount your guy's lap and ride him silly. Or, indulge your bad-girl tendencies and have a lusty liaison standing against a wall in a deserted stairwell. One word of warning: While getting it on in public can set your sex life on fire, it's illegal. So be absolutely certain you're all alone, steer clear of surveillance cameras and make sure you don't trip off any alarms. Because the biggest mood buster imaginable would be to spend the night in the slammer.

-Tina

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


My Milkshake!
 
 

to view clip: right click flash and choose "save target as" option. save the file "milkshake.wmv" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "milkshake.wmv" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.




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STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
New York City high school chemistry teacher Elihu McMahon, 69, reports daily to a do-nothing job, at $77,000 a year, as the result of being ordered out of the classroom based on various complaints and administrative findings. In fact, according to a February New York Post story, he has spent about three-fourths of his time in the last 15 years in such jobs (since New York teachers have generous job protections), costing the schools an estimated $600,000 in salary. Among the complaints against him: racist remarks to students (McMahon is black), insubordination, incompetent teaching, improper grading and sexual harassment (although McMahon blames the problems on bad administrators). [New York Post, 2-4-04]
 
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This Weeks



Last Weeks

Winner
"I swear to god,honey,they followed me home!!"-Mike
Runners-up
"99 bottles of beer in the snow!"-Zack
"First I finish the beer , then Ill go look for the wife..........Maybe."-Stan



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