For The Week Of 03/18/02
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more Jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to mailto:webmaster@sublimedirectory.com?subject=stimes. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

A boy walks into the living room where his Father sits reading the newspaper. The boy asks his Father, "Dad what is the difference between theory and reality?". The Father puts his paper down and asks the boy, "Why do you want to know that for?". The boy says, " I was assigned to write a paper for school". The Father ponders a minute and then replies, "Go ask your Mother if she would sleep with a complete stranger for a million dollars". The boy runs into the kitchen where his Mother is cooking dinner to ask her the question. He soon returns to his father and says, " Mom said that she would sleep with a stranger for a million dollars". The Father then tells his son to go upstairs and ask his older sister if she would sleep with a complete stranger for a million dollars. The boy runs upstairs and once again soon returns to advise his Father that his sister said that she would sleep with a stranger for a million dollars. The Father then sits the boy down on the ottoman in front of him and explains the difference between theory and reality. "Son, you see in theory we would be Millionaires but in reality we live with a couple of whores."

SITES OF THE WEEK
2400 Bad Words -George Carlin.
Happy St. Patricks Day -Greetings!
Voyuer -Look In!!
Britney Vs. Bill Clinton -Flash Game!
Peeps -Investigative Article!
Tip and Trick of the Week
Cheat Professors!

This oneís an old classic. While preparing for your next exam, take a rubber band and stretch it out as far as you can without snapping it, and tack it down. Next, write whatever it is youíre having so damn much trouble with on the bandís surface. Once you let go and it returns to its non-stretched state, the writing will be totally unrecognizable. Go to the test with the rubber band around your wrist, and when you need the info simply stretch it out, and there it is!

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ASK DOCTOR JD

Q: submitted by Claire.

alright JD, i need your help. a couple weeks ago i gave this guy head. it made its way back to me that he told a few guys i was really good and "at the top of his list." he said i was one of the best. now i was flattered for a moment b/c i have a good idea of how much head this guy has gotten, but then i started thinking....i don't want to be ONE of the best - i want to be THE best! so please, give me some tips! and i already know the importance of enjoying it myself - but i think it would be easier to enjoy more if i knew i was absolutely amazing at it. now i know everyone is different and what does it for one doesn't necessarily do it for the next, but please tell me LOTS of things so i have a good repetoire that has something that'll get everyone to think i'm the best. i wanna blow the other girls outta the wat! er! (no pun intended) Thanks and keep up the good work - you sound really hott btw. what do you look like?

A:
let me tell you that you are one special woman. i feel the same way about things. well not about the sucking dick part, but about wanting to be the best at satisfying a partner. it is something to take pride in and if more people did there would be a lot more happy relationships out there. now lets get to answering your question. for me the best blowjobs are when a girl knows how to tease a cock just right. you probably don't like it as much when a guy comes tearing in and starts munching your box at a million miles per hour right? well the same holds true for a guy i think. really take your time getting that cock rigid hard. tease it with your tongue, lips, and even rubbing your face against it a little is nice. oh yeah, and don't spend all the time at the top. that is the most sensitive part and it is akin to when a guy gives you too much clitoral stimulation. that kind of stimulation needs to be worked up to. after some teasing it is time to step it up a bit and get things rolling. i love it when a girl slowly slides her mouth around my cock and slides it as deep as it can go. then just keep it there and do a slight pulsating sucking effect with your mouth. this gets my cock so hard that i can probably do some light carpentry work with it. now if you really want to drive a guy crazy start playing with your pussy a little while sucking on his cock. at this point i'd be going crazy and really be ready for some more. so back off enough on the cock so you can get a hand on there also and start doing some short jerking movements while sucking on it also. now i am aware that you now have one hand jerking off a cock, a mouthful of cock and are rubbing your pussy, but you said you wanted to give the mother of all BJs so it is going to take a little coordination. ;-) at this point i would time the rhythm of your cock sucking to the rubbing of your pussy. for me, mentally, feeling the rhythm of your sucking increase with the build up of your pussy rubbing is amazing. if you could cum like this that would be great because i can assure you that would be the perfect climax for the ultimate BJ. if you can not just build up the pace until the guy can not stand it anymore and cums. now i am sure there are guys on both sides of the fence on this next part but either way you are money. right before and during cumming i like no mouth action and a fierce, tight hand job finisher. put this all together and i can assure you are going to have one blown (sorry about the pun) away partner. now if you need any help my address is... ;-) as for the pic..this is all i got.

-JD

 
clip OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


Fire in the Hole!
 
 

to view clip: right click mouse and choose "save target as" option. save the file "assfire.wmv" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "assfire.wmv" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.


Bunghole Play!!!


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STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
A CHEF who denied having sex with a nanny goat was trapped after police discovered some of its hairs in his underpants, a court heard yesterday. Stephen Hall, 23, was seen by a trainload of people romping half-naked with the animal in a field called Paradise Allotments. Dozens of horrified passengers rang 999 on their mobile phones ó jamming police switchboards. And two fuming passers-by carried out a citizenís arrest on Hall as cops dashed to the scene. But randy Hall originally denied the offence ó until police experts found samples of goat hair in his underwear. He finally confessed all and pleaded guilty to buggery with the goat at Hull Crown Court in East Yorkshire. But yesterday judge Michael Mettyear was left baffled when gay Hallís lawyer Chris Dunn suggested his client was given community service and placed on a sex offendersí programme.

 
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"Now that he is no longer president Bill Clinton has to find new ways to attract fat girls.!!" -FS
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"Here are your hotdogs, ladies. Gimme a minute on that milk-shake...you wanted extra-creamy, right?" -Clem
"Do you want to upsize?!." -Jimmy




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