For The Week Of 03/14/2005
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

An old man is sitting on his porch when he sees a little boy walking up with something under his arm. "What you got there?" the old man asks. "Chicken wire," says the little boy. "What you doing with that?" "Catching chickens." "You canít catch chickens with chicken wire," replies the old man. Later that day the little boy walks by with a long strand of chicken wire full of chickens. The next day the old man is sitting on his porch as the same little boy approaches with something in his hand. "What you got there?" he asks. "Duct tape." "Let me guess, you off to catch some ducks? Well, you canít catch ducks with duct tape." Later that afternoon, the little boy walks by the porch with a long strand of duct tape full of ducks. The next morning the old man watches as the little boy approaches with a fishing rod with something dangling on the end. "What you got on the end of that line boy?" asks the old man. "Pussywillow." The old man jumps up and yells, "Hold on, Iíll get my hat."

SITES OF THE WEEK
Hunter S. Thompson -Final Column (RIP)
Yahoo's Netrospective -Amazing!
Lazy Drinker -Need One Now!
Hubble Images -Eye Candy
Man Boobs -How To Guide
3 Kids -Game Of The Week!
Tip and Trick of the Week
Cheat...USPS!
Why pay exorbitant postage fees when you can save money by reusing stamps? If you ever use self-addressed, stamped envelopes for anything (like sending yourself birthday cards), simply apply a layer of Elmerís glue to the stamp (making sure to leave a dollop for glue boogers!) and let it dry, leaving a clear coating that is undetectable. When the postmark is printed on the stamp, itís really only applied to the glue. After getting the self-addressed envelope back, stick the now-cancelled stamp in some hot water for a minute or so and presto, off comes the glue and the cancellation mark. Reuse to your heartís content. Or until you discover e-mail.
ASK TINA

Q: submited by Racheal
In movies, couples always have sex standing up, but I have never been able to do it right. Could you give me some pointers?

A:
On the big screen, standing sex may look sensational, but those steamy scenes generally take many staged attempts to look seamless. For real people, an upright union can be challenging because it requires coordination, strength and balance. But, while it may not be the easiest stance to maneuver, it deserves an Oscar for Best Spontaneous-Sex Pose. Plus, face it: The more moves you master, the hotter your lust life will be. Stand-up sex works best when you're close to the same height, so if your guy's got a few inches on you (or vice versa) stand on a step or something sturdy so you're eye-to-eye. Facing each other in a loose embrace, have your man bend his knees to slightly lower himself so he can enter you, and then slowly rise. To experience sensations that'll make you soar, lean back slightly so his pelvic bone presses against your clitoris during each thrust. If you crave deeper penetration, try standing on one leg and hooking the other around his. Have him hold onto your suspended thigh to help support you. You won't have much movement, but he can add subtle shifts in motion by rocking you back and forth. If you're a lightweight, or he has Herculean-like strength, there's a step-free way to navigate this perpendicular position: Put your arms around his neck, have him lift you by holding onto your thighs or locking his hands beneath your butt, and wrap your legs around his hips. You'll make the position less strenuous and be better able to synchronize every move if you lean against a wall or other solid surface. For even more vertical variety, stand with your back to him, bend at the waist, and have him enter you from behind. Not only will he be able to achieve scuba-deep penetration, but his hands will be free to titillate the rest of you.

-Tina

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


Drunk Lawnmowing
 
 

to view clip: right click video and choose "save target as" option. save the file "japan.wmv" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "japan.wmv" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.




Video contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com.
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
An off-duty police officer was busted in the Bronx on Saturday morning when a prostitute he had ripped off in the past saw his car and called 911, police said. Police officer Miguel Martinez used a prostitute some time in February, but refused to pay her, police said. The woman, whom police did not identify, could not remember the exact date, but explained how the incident unfolded. She told police that Martinez requested oral sex. She complied, but afterward Martinez refused to pay her. When she insisted, he pulled out a gun and made it clear he was not going to give her anything, according to the story she told police. The officer was off duty during the nighttime incident, police said. On Saturday, the same prostitute recognized the officer's car driving through the neighborhood and called 911 and explained the situation. Officers responded and made the arrest without incident, police said. Martinez joined the police department 21/2 years ago and was assigned to the 47th Precinct, which covers the Eastchester section of the Bronx. Martinez was charged with one count each of robbery and criminal sex act, police said.
 
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<"Prince Harry's latest fancy dress party.!"-JR
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"Later park officials re-thought their decision to hold the first ever country/rap concert"-Les
"Black security at our own fuckin rally?" -Moore



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