For The Week Of 03/27/2006
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK


Guy walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.

His girlfriend stops reading as he says "honey this is the pig I screw when you have a headache."

His girlfriend looks disgusted and says "I think if you look again you will notice that is a sheep, you idiot"

And the guy replies "I think if you look again you will notice that I am not talking to you”

SITES OF THE WEEK
AirCraft Carrier -Made Of Lego!
Pimp My Bike -If You Have Time!
Anonymous -Be Safe From Big Brother!
Miracolous Make up-Be Careful
Poor Duke -lol
Dont Shoot The Puppy! -Game Of The Week!
Tip and Trick of the Week
Cheat...Term Paper Deadlines!
A day or two before your deadline, go to the ER at your closest hospital. Tell them you are having chest pains. They'll run some tests and, when they find nothing wrong, they'll admit you to the hospital for further testing. After a day or two (and all the hospital food you can stomach!), tell them you are feeling much better. When they release you, make sure you ask for a note that says you've been in the hospital. Due to confidentiality laws they cannot put dates on these notes. They can only say you were there. When you get home, write in your own dates and make it appear you've been in the hospital—suffering from an unknown illness—for a couple weeks. Give this note to your professor and you'll get your extension. To make your story even more credible, call your prof from your hospital room. When he sees the hospital on your caller ID, he'll be even more likely to believe you. —Brian D.
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ASK TINA

Q: submited by Roger
I’m not sure if I need to buy regular- or large-size condoms. What size does each correspond to?
A:
It used to be that one size fit all, and if not, too bad. These days, condoms come in three basic sizes: regular, snug, and large. The regular size is going to fit most of you out there. The snug fit, or contoured condoms, like Beyond 7, Lifestyles Snugger Fit, and Trojan Ultra Fit, are meant for slim jims and measure just slightly less across than the regular Joe hoses do. Finally, large cock socks, meant for the big-headed, extra-long, or just plain hefty Johnsons, come in two varieties, roomier around the head and bigger all around. The ones with more headroom include those fancy, newfangled types with strangely ballooning sides (designed to provide more natural-feeling friction), like Inspiral, Pleasure Plus, and Lifestyles Xtra Pleasure. The other variety is larger from side to side and top to bottom, the biggest being Trojan Magnum XL. For a good look at the full-size spectrum, check out Condomania.com. And to get the lowdown on the how to choose the right size glad bag, I spoke to the founder of Condomania himself, Adam Glickman, who says to use the toilet-paper-roll test. Keep an empty toilet paper cardboard tube handy, and slip it around Mr. Happy when he’s standing at attention. If it fits comfortably, says Glickman, you’re like 90 percent of guys and need a regular-size jimmy hat. If you see a lot of daylight through the tube, you’re a candidate for the snugger rubbers. The opposite is obviously true if your manhood makes the toilet paper cardboard look more like a Tootsie Roll. Remember, says Glickman, if a condom package makes no mention of fit or size, it’s just regular. Slimmer condoms will be marked by “contour” or “fit” on the packaging and the large ones will, surprise!, splash such words as “large,” “XL,” and “maximum” all over.

-Tina

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


Bowling Pro
 
 

to view clip: right click video and choose "save target as" option. save the file "bowling.wmv" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "fire.asx" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.




Video contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com.
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
South African men seem to be treading carefully these days, by having women sign on the dotted line before jumping into bed with them. "Sex consent forms" are being circulated in the wake of ongoing rape trials involving high-profile personalities like Orlando Pirates star Benedict Vilakazi and former deputy president Jacob Zuma. The Tribune is in possession of a form, written mostly in IsiZulu, which urges men to ensure that the form is signed by their acquaintance before having sex. Failing to do so could result in "trouble like (Benedict) Vilakazi (or) you (will) rot in jail". The form is meant to be an agreement between the two parties - signed by both - to have sex. It must also include the age of the woman. The idea of the form is not new. Similar forms have been circulated in the United States and the United Kingdom and can be downloaded from several websites - some more graphic than others. The forms are "highly recommended" for celebrities and sport stars. The form starts as follows: "I (name of the woman), commit myself and agree to have sex with (name of the man)." It then asks the woman to say she is over the age of consent and continues, "I also confirm I am of sane mind and that I am not drunk nor am I under the influence of any drugs. I am as horny as hell. "I state that (the man) did not use any force nor did he threaten me in any way and did not promise me anything in return. To add, I do not fear (this man) and do not expect marriage from him. "We can have sex as much as we like as long as I consent. I commit myself not to ever stand on the witness box in court to testify against him or lay a charge of rape against him." It ends on a more flippant note. "I sign this form while jumping into bed on this (day, month and year)." The origins of the local form are not clear, but it appears that it started doing rounds soon after Vilakazi was charged with rape and having sex with a minor. They have been circulated at parties and through emails. Kubi Rama of the Gender Links said the forms were ridiculous and irresponsible. "What if a woman is forced to sign the form? Thousands of women are raped every day. (The form) suggests that this doesn't happen. Why would anybody claim they have been raped when they haven't? (The form) calls into question the whole crime," she said.
 
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This is your chance to make a difference! Send in the captions that you think best suits "this weeks" picture below. If you win you get a free sublime T!

This Weeks



Last Weeks

Winner
"No Timmy, that's not your Fairy Godmother, that's just a regular Fairy" -Brian
Runners-up
"Why yes, I AM the Tinkle Fairy!"-Paul
"NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES THE FAIRY SHAKES IT, THE LAST DROP ENDS UP IN HIS TOO-TOO."-Aj
"Now we know where those little urinal cakes come from."-Mike
"REDBULL-it gives you wings.." -B
"If you shake your wand more than twice, then your playin with it!!!"-James
"Hey everyone meet Tinkerball, Tinkerbell's gay brother."-David



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