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OF THE WEEK
A drunk walks into a bar and notices a banner that says "win $10,000; ask bartender for details".
He asks and the bartender says "well, you see that man at the end of the bar?". The drunk looks over and sees a huge, burley dude. The bartender says "if you can knock him out with one punch, you go to the second step... The door right behind that big guy opens into a room containing an alligator with a sore tooth. If you can pull his tooth and come out alive, you move on to step three... Those stairs next to the door go up to an eighty year old hooker's apartment. She has never been satisfied by any man. If you can satisfy her, you win the money!"
The drunk says ok and orders a double shot of whiskey. He belts that down, walks to the end of the bar and POW!, knocks the big dude out. He orders another double, belts it down, walks to the door, steps inside and closes the door. BAM, CRASH, GROWL is all the bartender and patrons can hear for a few minutes and then total silence. Five minutes later, the drunk walks out of the room bloody, clothes shredded. He orders another double, drinks it and says "Ok, where's the hooker with the sore tooth?"
Paper is a Gorgeous iPad App for Drawing & Taking Notes
iPad: If you're a sketcher, note-taker, or all-around paper lover who happens to own an iPad, go download Paper from FiftyThree right now. This beautiful app gives you digital notebooks to capture all your ideas quickly and intuitively. And it's free.
Getting started with Paper is quick. Tap on a notebook and start sketching, writing or outlining quickly with the free drawing/pen tool. Swipe and pinch to move between pages in your notebook or switch notebooks (you can have notebooks dedicated to ideas, a journal, sketches, etc.). Additional tools are available for $1.99: a pencil for sketching, marker for outlining, and watercolor paintbrush.
Whether or not you consider yourself an artist, this is definitely an app worth trying, since you can use it for quick note-jotting as well. You might discover it brings out your hidden artistic skills too.
SUFFOLK, ENGLAND -- A stunned homeowner in eastern England woke up to find his entire front lawn missing, UK media reported today.
Steve Woolnough, 54, said he had no idea why anyone would want to steal the nine-square-metre artificial grass lawn from his yard in Ipswich.
The father-of-two, who has been left with a large patch of dirt, told The Sun, "I'm absolutely seething over it, I really am. How dare someone steal what I have had to work hard for. You try and make your house look nice and someone comes along and steals what you have got".
The lawn was taken sometime overnight on March 19.
Mr Woolnough said the turf was simply too heavy for one person to steal on their own, pointing the blame at a group of thieves with a vehicle, BBC News reported. A spokesperson for Suffolk Police said, "It would have taken some time to remove such a large quantity of Astro Turf from this garden and needed a vehicle to take it away".
Mr Woolnough said the artificial grass would cost about £250 to replace.
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