For The Week Of 04/03/2006
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK


After a long day at work, a man realized it was his anniversary. He raced to Victoria's Secret and asked for the sheerest thing they had. He purchased the nightgown for $400 and raced home. He ran inside and told his wife, "Go upstairs and put this on." She went upstairs and opened her gift. She lifted the gown out and was stunned that it was transparent. She figured it would be just as good to just walk downstairs naked because her husband wouldn't even notice, and she could return the gown for a refund in the morning. As she walked down the stairs, the husband exclaimed, "Damn—for $400, you'd think they'd at least iron the damn thing!"

SITES OF THE WEEK
Silly Patents! -Absurd
iGoatse -Perfect Skin For Ipod
Million Dollar Challenge -Earn It!
Human Slingshot-Looks Fun
Darth Vader -On Wheel Of Fortune!
Bomb Wars! -Game Of The Week!
Tip and Trick of the Week
Cheat...Fast Food JOints!
Hate it when your fast food French fries are colder than your ex-girlfriend? Order your fries with no salt. It may take a minute or two longer, but they'll have to make a fresh batch to accommodate you. Then pick up a few salt packets from the condiment table before you leave. The only downside of this cheat is you might taste a little extra phlegm in your fries.-Jackie0
contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com
ASK TINA

Q: submited by Bill
I've heard about a technique called jelqing that's supposed to increase the size of a man's penis. What is it, and does it really work?
A:
Jelqing, which is believed to have originated in the Middle East, is an ancient masturbation-like technique to increase the length and girth of a man's penis by forcing blood flow to the tip. Though there are many variations, the basic method consists of wrapping the thumb and index finger firmly around the base of the shaft and continually sliding the hand down to the head. Apparently, it's best to jelq a well-lubed, semierect penis -- jelqing a rock-hard member could cause a ruptured blood vessel. Though some people claim that jelqing actually works (mostly anecdotal "evidence" on Websites selling penis-enlargement products and jelqing instructions), there is no scientific proof to support the claim. In fact, all the pulling and squeezing can be harmful. Some possible problems: irritated skin, scarring, burst blood vessels and even impaired penile function.

-Tina

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


Fire Wire
 
 

to view clip: right click video and choose "save target as" option. save the file "firewire.wmv" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "fire.asx" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.




Video contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com.
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
SONOMA, California (AP) - The long, strange trip continues for Jerry Garcia's toilet. Police say the Grateful Dead leader's commode was stolen recently from a driveway along with three other toilets and a bidet, The Press Democrat newspaper reported Saturday. Garcia's salmon-colored toilet was the subject of a legal battle before it was finally moved to Sonoma, to await shipment to a Canadian casino. It's unclear if the toilet was swiped by a wayward Deadhead or a thief remodeling a bathroom. Police have no suspects or leads. Henry Koltys bought Garcia's Marin County home for $1.39 million in 1997 and removed the toilet and other items he planned to sell to raise money for a charity. After Koltys sold the house to a friend of the band's, the new owner sued to block the auction. The dispute was resolved last year, and Koltys moved the items to his home in Sonoma, about 40 miles north of San Francisco. Last month, Koltys sold the Grateful Dead singer's toilet for $2,550 to online casino Goldenpalace.com, which planned to use it as part of a traveling marketing exhibit. The casino is offering a $250 reward for its return. Henry Koltys said Friday that the toilet once stood in the master bathroom of Garcia, who died in 1995 at age 53. "It would have been his personal head," he said. The casino has made other unusual purchases in the last year - it paid $25,000 for actor William Shatner's kidney stones and $28,000 for a grilled cheese sandwich that reportedly had the image of the Virgin Mary on it, Koltys said. Jonathon Lipsin, who worked for Garcia as a gardener and now owns a Northern California record store, said the toilet might appeal to dedicated Deadheads. "It's a little gross," Lipsin said. "But I could see it at a rock 'n' roll museum, too."
 
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This is your chance to make a difference! Send in the captions that you think best suits "this weeks" picture below. If you win you get a free sublime T!

This Weeks



Last Weeks

Winner
"Oopa loompa dupety do, i have got piss all over my shoe" -John
Runners-up
"At least they didn't have to take a oommmpa poooopma!!"-Bman
"Let's see the kids eat these Lemon Drops."-LooseCannon
"One Willy Wanka in the hand is worth 2 Ompa-lompas in the bush"-Spooky
I told you Oompa Loompas to say away from the hershey highway bush" -Dan
"If you shake your wand more than twice, then your playin with it!!!"-James
"I JUST HOPE THEY WASH THEIR @#@& HANDS BEFORE THEY GO BACK TO MAKING WONKA BARS!"-Dan



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