For The Week Of 04/17/2006
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK


Kenny came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinko drunk, as he
often did, and crept into bed beside his wife, who was already asleep.

He gave a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed
wearing a long flowing white robe.

"Who the hell are you?" Demanded Kenny, "and what are you doing in my
bedroom?".

The mysterious Man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter".

Kenny was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to
live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family.... you've got to send me
back straight away".

St Peter replied "Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We
can only send you back as a dog or a hen." Kenny was devastated, but
knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent
back as a hen. A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and
clucking around pecking the ground. "This ain't so bad" he thought until
he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.

The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how
are you enjoying your first day here?"

"It's not so bad" replies Kenny, "but I have this strange feeling inside
like I'm about to explode".

"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never
laid an egg before".

"Never" replies Kenny

"Well just relax and let it happen"

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops
out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and
his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the
first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was
overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best
thing that ever happened to him... ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he
felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife
shouting "Kenny, wake up you drunken bastard, you're shitting the bed!

SITES OF THE WEEK
Wallpaintings! -Very Cool
George Lucas -In Love
Jason Mewes-Jay of Jay and Silent bob -Story Of
Chain Reaction-Cool Vid
Sex At Hooters -Smoking Gun
Uncle Sam! -Game Of The Week!
Tip and Trick of the Week
Cheat...Bill Paying!
Spent all your cash on Cheetos and lesbian midget porn again? If your rent is due today and you need more time to restock your checking account, here's a way to buy yourself a couple extra days. Use the thickest-tipped black pen you have and sign your name so it goes below the line and onto the numbers under your signature. If you block enough of the numbers, the machines won't be able to route the check and it will need to be entered by hand. This takes a lot longer—thank God for lazy bankers—and will give you an extra day or two before the check bounces.
contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com
ASK TINA

Q: submited by Arco
How can you tell if a woman likes you at first look?
A:
If you’re none of the above, keep your drawers on and use the same clues the rest of us mere mortals do. What does her body language say? Is she standing close or sitting with her legs crossed towards you (provocatively, even)? Is she taking the opportunity to touch your arm in conversation and laugh at your lame jokes? If survey says yes, chances are pretty good she’s sweet on you, son. On the other hand, is she stiff and humorless, sitting at the far end of her barstool, and answering your queries in clipped, one-word sentences? If that’s the case, she’s either not interested or she’s an android. In the meanwhile, don’t get your panties in a twist. Relax and take the ride. That’s where the fun is. I mean, which game is more exciting: the one in which evenly matched teams play a tense, close game or a blowout? (OK, OK, so sometimes you’re just looking for a blowout.)

-Tina

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


Insane SUVing
 
 

to view clip: right click video and choose "save target as" option. save the file "suv.wmv" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "fire.asx" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.




Video contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com.
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
SAN ANTONIO, Texas (Reuters) - A controversial Texas program to send undercover agents into bars to arrest drunks has been halted after a firestorm of protest from the public. The Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission has "temporarily suspended" what it called "Operation Last Call" even though it still believes it was worthwhile, commission spokeswoman Carolyn Beck said on Thursday. "We understand that everything has room for improvement, this included," she said. She said most of those arrested in the sting operations had been "dangerously drunk" and might have tried to drive if TABC agents had not busted them. The TABC has launched an internal investigation of Operation Last Call and a Texas Legislature committee will hold hearings on the program on Monday. The TABC announced the program in late August but it received little attention at the time. But recent media reports that drunks were being arrested in bars provoked both ridicule and anger around the world and, perhaps more importantly, complaints from hotels, restaurants and bars in Texas who said it could hurt business. The program drew support from groups such as Mothers Against Drunk Driving. The Houston Chronicle found that 1,740 people across the state had been arrested for public intoxication in Operation Last Call.
 
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This Weeks



Last Weeks

Winner
" I wish these were brains!!!!!" -Manual
Runners-up
"I use them like a cat uses wiskers!!"-Spooky
"The twins are big fans of Air Supply!"-John
"myPod Mamo"-Grant
"Can ya hear me now?" -Br
"They say playing classical music for your unborn child will make it smarter. Apparently this is what Howard Stern's show does for your tits!!"-MKY
"The left one likes Country, but the right likes Techno!" -Nick
"If you find the right frequency, they jiggle.!" -Jared
"stick around and she might show you her "beatbox!" -Robert
"Finally!... A woman worth listening to!..." -Glenio
"Rock Out, Till the silicon pops out!!!!!!!!" -Tom



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