An Iraqi soldier buys a camel, ties it up outside his local bar, and walks inside. “Nice camel,” says one of his buddies. “Is it male or female?” “Female,” he replies. “How can you tell?” asks his friend. “Well, on the way over here,” the man explains, “I heard this guy yell, ‘Hey, look at the big pussy on that camel!’”

Q: submitted by harold

How do you handle an older woman if she has more experience dealing with sex and relationships

A:
Having had some experience in this matter, my best advice to you is to be cool—and I don’t mean affect a detached nonchalance. The cool of which I speak is more zen, more ego-less: It’s a willingness to admit what you don’t know and not to make a big deal of it. If you’re smart, it’s the kind of attitude that you can parlay into high scores with your older woman simply by being open and willing to learn. See, older women have likely had some heartbreak. So while they may not know exactly what they want, they have a damn good idea of what they don’t, and they’re likely to be pretty verbal about it; therefore, younger men offer a distinct advantage (other than unlimited sexual eagerness and a blisteringly high sex drive) in that they are relatively baggage-free. You haven’t had time to be jaded by relationships gone wrong or years of rotten sex. On the other hand, some younger guys still haven’t outgrown the adolescent tendency to think they know it all and to not want to be told that they don’t, even if it’s painfully obvious. So just listen to what she wants and try your best to be accommodating. This doesn’t mean catering to her every whim—she doesn’t want a simpering pushover. But she does want to know that if she asks you to do something differently in bed, you won’t think she’s criticizing you and go off and sulk for the rest of the evening. Remember, the more open you are to what she wants, the more she’ll be willing to reciprocate.

-JD