An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well-dressed middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?" The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired." The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!" The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier. An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

Q: submitted by R

I work with a couple women, who are dictionary definition MILF's. I was wondering if you could give me some pointers on how you approach a MILF, and how you act to get some action.

A:
the secreting to getting a milf is finding the right one. if this milf that is working at your office is happily married then you are shit out of luck. when women have a man that keeps them happy and makes them cum they will not stray. find one that has a man that neglects them or doesn't have a man all together and you are "in like flin" as they say (what the fuck does that mean anyways?). the best is a divorcee that hasn't had cock in months or years even. milfs are so great because they are older and don't give a shit about waiting to sleep with a guy anymore. they are going to get/fuck what they want and that’s that. so what you need to do with this chic at the office is a little research. get a little background on her to find out if she is married, has a boyfriend, or is a lesbian. if you can work in some friendly conversation with her (remember to try and whack before major encounters with her so you don't have that horn dog vibe) you will soon find out her situation. any girl given the chance to ramble is going to mention if she has a significant other in their life. so if you find out she really doesn't have anyone then you need to proceed to step two. try and start off with something light like a little happy hour after work on friday. get a good buzz going on and keep her drinks flowing (remember to always pace yourself and let her do the major drinking. save getting wasted to when you are hanging out with your friends and not trying to get pussy). a woman at this age knows what she wants so if everything is cool she is going to lead the way (i.e. invite you over). if it is not time yet don't press the issue. do another happy hour or invite her to dinner. the key is to stay cool, calm and collect. after a couple of dates offer to move the "party" back to your place. if she smokes weed then offer to spark one up back at your pad..if not mention that you have a great bottle of wine that you've been wanting to open and if she would like to share it with you (i think in one of the earlier sublime times i mentioned some good tuscan reds). once you've got her back to the pad it is childs play. just continue with the drinks and go with the flow. oh yeah..never turn on the tv. stick to a little music and conversation. last but not least..this is an older woman that knows how to get laid proper. you may want to have some viagra ready for some prolonged banging.

-JD