with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat
and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will
the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on
of the sections below...
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OF THE WEEK
A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he could not help them.
The Browns came to see the doctor, and he gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests and then concluded, ''Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I can help you. On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some grapes and some doughnuts. Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife's love canal. Then on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the grape using only your tongue."
He continued, ''Then next, ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his love pole. Then like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the doughnut.''
The couple went home and their sex life became more and more wonderful. They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs. Green that they should see the good doctor.
The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would not take the case unless he felt that he could help them; so he conducted the physical exams and the same battery of tests. Then he told the Greens the bad news. ''I cannot help you, so I will not take your money. I believe your sex life is as good as it will ever be, I cannot help.''
The Greens pleaded with him, and said, ''You helped our friends the Browns, now please, please help us.
"OK, Ok, go to the store and buy some apples and a box of Cheerios...''
Whenever I go to class, I take this little hand held tape recorder. Well the other day, I accidently dropped it, and it didn't fall to pieces, but it doesn't work at all. Well anyway, the cost to get it fixed would be way more than the price I bought it for. I don't really feel like messing with the warrantee (if it even has one--I threw the papers out). And I can't exactly return it, because I bought it over a year ago and God only knows where the packaging is. SOLUTION: I went to Target, bought a better hand held tape recorder, took that new tape recorder out, put my old crappy tape recorder in the new package and returned it with no questions asked. So now I have a great new tape recorder, costing me no money--just two trips to the store. As long as the package doesn't have a picture of the product on it, you could also use this handy little trick to buy the cheap crappy brand and then return it for the expensive good brand. VERY CLEVER. ;-)
Feel free to send contributions or suggestions to firstname.lastname@example.org
submited by Dre
I got a question and I know if anyone has the answer, it's one of you hoes. There are times during sex when, if I get it just right, I can feel something in my girlfriend sorta pop when I jam it all the way. What the fuck is that? Am I thumping her tonsils?
What up, Tra. There’s nothing I like more than being called a hoe, so I’ll answer your question. (My grandpa used to alternate between that and “Lanksta” when referring to me, which is short for “lanky gangsta.” God rest his soul.)
Basically, if your girlfriend is giving you a blowjob, then there is a very good chance that you’re thumping her tonsils with your abnormally large penis. If not, then chances are you’re hitting something else.
When a man thrusts all the way during sex, he’ll sometimes push up against the cervix, which is probably what you’re ‘hitting.’ This tends to be a sensitive area, and is one that is easily rubbed raw and prone to infections (sexy). So you might consider alternating between being all the way in, and giving some inches a little breathing room.
If your girlfriend is in pain while you’re having sex (referred to as dyspareunia) there could be several other causes for it. Aside from an infected cervix, you could be hitting anything from a cyst on an ovary to an area of tissue affected by endometriosis (double sexy!)
So take the muzzle off your broad and ask her if she’s in pain. If she is, she should definitely go to a gynecologist for an exam. If she’s not, then just try not thrusting as hard. It’s not a shot put contest, Tra.
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you
a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or
sent in by you guys.
A potentially very unhappy meal has been dished up at a central Wellington McDonalds.
Instead of the usual toy included with a Happy Meal, one customer was served up a green Durex condom.
McDonalds spokeswoman Joanna Redfern-Hardisty says they are trying to find out where the offending prophylactic came from.
The girl's grandfather is happy with the way McDonalds is handling the issue.
Rowan Hatch says he's happy that McDonalds is taking the issue seriously. He says as long as they investigate and put procedures in place to stop it happening again, that is fine by him.
Hatch says because the condom was inside the bag, it may be nothing to do with McDonalds at all.
THE CAPTION-- GET FREE STUFF!
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Send in the captions that you think best suits "this weeks"
below. If you win you get a free sublime T!
"The guy at the store said if she starts to loose pressure just pump her"-JK Runners-up
"You think that is good, you should see what she does with a kielbasa"-micheal
"My future wife"-Rix
"TALK ABOUT TAPING THAT ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"-John