For The Week Of 05/02/2005
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to mailto:webmaster@sublimedirectory.com?subject=stimes. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

A woman brought a very limp duck in to a veterinary surgeon. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the birdís chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "Iím so sorry, your duck has passed away." The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," he replied. "How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you havenít done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black labrador retriever. As the duckís owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table, and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on itís haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "Iím sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100 percent certifiably, a dead duck." Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duckís owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!", she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!!" The vet shrugged. "Iím sorry. If youíd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the lab report and the cat scan, itís now $150.00."

SITES OF THE WEEK
Tomorrows Brightest Minds -Great New Vids
Darth Vs. Hollywood -Funny!
Pimp Strong -Sweet
Men And Women-Will Never Be Friends
Richest Zip Codes -90210 Owned!
Muppets -Game Of The Week!
Tip and Trick of the Week
Cheat...Fly Away
If you are not sure what time you can make the flight but defintely have to make it that day, do what we do at sublime. Book the latest flight to the destination (btw. those are most probably the cheapest ones also), and then standby for any earlier flight you like. Example; you would like to go to Atlanta on Oct 20, and there are 7 flights leaving for Atlanta, book the latest one and then show up for any of those flights that day, and fly. This plan has never failed for us yet.
ASK TINA

Q: submited by Mandy
Is it normal if I have discharge all the time? It gets on my underwear, which can be embarrassing around my boyfriend. It's always been like this, but I don't know if I should be concerned.
A:

Vaginal discharge -- a mixture of secretions and cells -- is not only normal, but it's also necessary to help keep the vagina clean. (In fact, it's the same as the natural lubrication you produce when you're aroused.) In general, discharge is slight right after your period, clear and stretchy right before ovulation (midmonth) and thicker and whiter during other times of the month. But no two women are exactly alike, so it's important to be aware of your standard output. Also, keep in mind that the color and consistency of discharge can be affected by other factors such as age, hormonal fluctuations, medication and infections. If you've always secreted a similar amount and are just self-conscious about it getting on your underwear, wear a thin, unscented panty liner that you can discreetly remove right before getting busy. But if you do notice any change in discharge, or it's accompanied by a foul odor or an itching or burning sensation, get checked out by your gyno.

-Tina

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


Hunter!
 
 

to view clip: right click video and choose "save target as" option. save the file "hunter.wmv" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "hunter.wmv" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.




Video contributions or suggestions to mailto:webmaster@sublimedirectory.com?subject=stimes_video.
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
First we cloned Dolly, now Willy. A cast kit with the name Clone-a-Willy is available on the Internet for a competition that promises to rock women's worlds and give the winner a head start. According to the British tabloid Sun newspaper, "the hunt is on for the fella with the perfect manhood - to model for a new sex aid". "Blokes who reckon they measure up will have to take a cast of their pride and joy at home, then send it to bosses at the sex shop chain Hustler Hollywood to be judged." The winning entry, writes the paper, will be "the model for a series of battery-powered rubber replicas that may find their way into thousands of women's bedrooms" Kits are available at www.hustlerhollywood.co.uk The site says anyone interested in entering should "follow the instructions and, hey presto - a perfect replica of your proud member". It sells in Britain for £19,99 (R232). Inquiries about its availability in South Africa proved fruitless. Could it possibly be that Britain is afraid of competition from our better-endowed South African men? When well-known comedian Marc Lottering was asked what he thought of the competition, his initial response was silence. Then he good naturedly said: "Please would you phone me back in 40 minutes because I was just having a curry for lunch, and as you were explaining it to me I was reaching out for my cucumber, so this doesn't make a good combination." Later Lottering SMS'd a more succinct comment: "The only time I'd ever put my penis in plaster of Paris, with a sling from my neck, would be if it was broken, like one's arm. Ooh, interesting visual." Satirist Peter Dirk-Uys, whose famous alter ego is Evita Bezuidenhout, laughed and said, "How fascinating, but "No, darling", he would not enter. "People have too much time on their hands," Dirk-Uys remarked. "Maybe we should make chocolates out of it and give it to the audience ... "It's a great idea, better than making war." From phallic pride to yet another sexy report: The Sun also reports prominently that a raunchy spin-off of the British TV soap Footballers' Wives "includes a sex scene where a woman uses a vacuum cleaner on her fella". The original Wives has been seen here on SABC3. It says: "The scene is in the first episode of Extra Time, which promises to be even more outrageous than Footie Wives." It shows Anika, the sister of Wives superbitch Tanya Turner, "in high heels, stockings and suspenders, while her boyfriend is tied to the bed with silk scarves. "She turns the vacuum on with her stiletto and attaches the nozzle to Oliver's private parts." And the painful part? "He gets his tackle stuck in the pipe and has to go to hospital." Ouch! Hanka Sonnekus, SABC3's manager of foreign acquisitions, said the channel would look into this programme. But the channel hadn't spoken to anyone about it yet. Sonnekus said the programme Bombshell, created by the same producers of Footballer's Wives, was, however, under consideration. "Bombshell looks at relationships in the British Army, with the same dynamics among generals' wives and women in the army," said Sonnekus.
 
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This Weeks



Last Weeks

Winner
"I AM THE WALRUS....KU KU KA-CHU."-Paul
Runners-up
"when you got blubber who needs a rubber?"-Lentz
"i hate it when bubba wont use the lube" -J dog



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