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JOKE OF THE WEEK
While examining the the body of Mr. Schwartz, a mortician notices that Schwartz has the largest penis he has ever seen.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz," says the mortician, "But I can't send you to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity."
The mortician removes the penis, places it in a jar and puts the jar in his briefcase. When he gets home, he decides to show it to his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he says, removing the jar from his briefcase.
"Oh my God!" she screams, "Schwartz is dead!"
Window on Top Locks Windows to the Top of Your Screen
Windows: Sometimes, you just want to keep a certain window visible on your screen at all times, without losing it behind your other applications. Nothing makes this easier than on Windows than Window On Top.
Window On Top is really just a packaged global hotkey for Windows. Once it's running and you see the icon in your system tray, just hit Control+T to lock your currently-selected window to the top level of your screen. Now, even if you focus on another window, this application will always stay on top. To unlock it, just select it again and use the same shortcut. It's as simple as it gets, but sometimes that's all you need.
If however, this is not all you need, be sure to check out Moo0, which offers more functionality like window transparency, at the expense of sheer speed and simplicity.
"This is something I'm interested in, but I'm afraid I might injure my spine if I attempt it!
"Well, first off you have to be skinny. It will most likely be impossible to bend like that if you have a gut. As far as getting yourself into that position, you should just copy what the guys do in those "self-suck" videos."
PORTLAND, OR -- A man who was arrested after trying to steal a case of beer was found with a mouse in his pocket in the Washington County Jail, according to deputies.
Deputies say 20-year-old John Jacobson of Portland took a case of beer as it was being unloaded at the Plaid Pantry at 14140 SW Butner Rd. in Cedar Hills.
However, the beer distributor saw Jacobson snag the beer and chased after him, according to Sergeant Bob Ray with the Washington County Sheriff’s Office.
Jacobson then threw the case of beer, hitting the distributor in the face, before running into the nearby Nike campus, Ray said.
Deputies with a K-9 unit swarmed to the area and found Jacobson hiding in some bushes on Nike’s property.
Jacobson was charged with robbery and theft and taken to the Washington County Jail. That's where deputies found the mouse in his pocket while he was getting booked.
What's more, authorities say after the suspect was arrested, his father had to go down to the jail and claim the mouse.
Deputies suspect Jacobson in another beer theft earlier in the day. No one was hurt during that confrontation.
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