One morning an exchange student from Japan joins a high school. After introducing Suzuki to the class, the teacher says, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history. Who said ‘Give me liberty, or give me death’?” Only Suzuki raises his hand. “Yes, Suzuki?” asks the teacher. “Patrick Henry, 1775,” he answers. “Class, you should be ashamed,” snaps the teacher. “Suzuki is new to our country and knows more about it than you do.” “Screw the Japs,” whispers a student. “Who said that?” snaps the teacher. Suzuki raises his hand, eyes the room, and says, “Lee Iacocca, 1982.” A student in the back quips, “I think I’m gonna puke.” “Who said that?” yells the teacher. “George Bush, 1991,” Suzuki yelps. “Oh, yeah? Suck this!” shouts a frustrated student. Suzuki stands up and declares, “Bill Clinton, 1997!” Another student screams, “You little shit. If you say one more word, I swear I’ll kill you!” Suzuki jumps on the chair and yells, “Gary Condit, 2001!”

Q: submitted by matt

JD man, you've gotta help me. I'm 20 and have been with my girl for almost 3 years now. My problem is that for the last year or so, she just won't get me off. She used to love screwing around at every occasion, now the rare times she goes down or anything like that, she stops midway because I "take too long". I go down on her or make her come at least 4 times a week. I get off sometimes during sex, but I take so long that it's rare that I get to before she stops me because she's done. I really love her but its putting a real strain on us, seeing as how I'm blue balled everytime we do anything. I've tried talking her, and she just apologizes or ignores me, then goes right back to the way she was. I feel like a total dick saying anything, too. I don't want to cheat on her, but I really need to get off. Any advice would be really appreciated!

A:
Your girlfriend is a lucky lady. Not many men are "man" enough to try and solve this problem in a way other than cheating. You are doing the right thing my brother. The first thing that comes to mind with a situation like this is communication breakdown. After years of being with the same person it is quite normal to lose a little bit of the "passion." however, when the communication lines are open the couples talk about possible solutions to the problem. you know, things like maybe watch a porno here and there, go to a strip club, buy some sex toys, roll play, screw some animals (oops, did I say that aloud). The point is to simply "try." what I am worried about is your girlfriend's unwillingness to even talk. I think you need to really sit her down and explain to her how much this is affecting you and that if she still cares about you she will help you fix this problem. Ask her how she would feel if you took no pride in satisfying her. also ask her if there is anything that you have done to make her not want to put in the effort to get you off (i.e. something like making rude comments about her body so that she is uncomfortable being naked around you). If she is not receptive to any of this then there is a bigger problem at hand. A partner or spouse that does not care about the relationship is a sign of a relationship at serious cross roads. A fundamental change is in order so that both parties "care" again or it is time to move on. Keeping it in any other state is a complete waste of time. if it turns out that she is unwilling to help you get off and continues to ignore your feelings regarding this then you must realize cheating is not the way to go...moving on is. Remember either way to stay positive. You are young and obviously a good caring person...lots to look forward to with that combo. ;-)

-JD