For The Week Of 05/19/2003
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to mailto:webmaster@sublimedirectory.com?subject=stimes. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

An elderly couple decides to get some ice cream. The old man opts to go alone and asks his wife what she wants. “I want a banana split,” she says. “Are you going to remember this, or should I write it down?” “No, no, I’m sure I can remember,” the old man replies. “I also want chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry with whipped cream and sprinkles. You sure you’re going to remember all this?” “Yeah, I’m not that old,” exclaims the increasingly agitated husband. “And don’t forget the cherry on top,” says the wife. The old man leaves for the ice cream and returns three hours later with a bag of bagels. His wife, looking confused, surveys the order and exclaims, “Where’s my cream cheese?”

SITES OF THE WEEK
Bad Ass Dolls -Totally Anti-Pc.
Tard Blog -Hilarious.
Soul Mate Calculator! -Never Will Find One!
Special Defects -Awesome Site!
Cyber Sex -Great Logs!
PitFall -Game Of The Week!
Tip and Trick of the Week
Cheat....Kinkos!

The poor meth-addled Kinko’s bust-outs in the blue aprons only work there so that they can get their punk band flyers done for free. Meanwhile, there’s a Home Depot worth of office inventory laying around, and guarded by…them. And, dude, they’re not cops. As a result, I never buy printer paper. Staplers. Tape. Floppy discs. Scissors. Envelopes. Kinko’s is to office supplies what Starbucks is to people who have to take a crap: a guilt-free place to do business. Bonus: Even when I do get some legitimate work done there, the environment is generally so chaotic, and the payment system so ridiculously bureaucratic (one person does the copying; you are given a green “pre-invoice” that you then have to hand to a cashier at another section of the store), that if you pick up your work at a peak hour and just walk out, your chances are way better than ever that no one will even look up. If you get caught at the border, a simple, “Sorry, dude. I spaced” will suffice. Believe me—the boys and girls in blue will understand. contributions or suggestions to mailto:webmaster@sublimedirectory.com?subject=stimes_Tips&Tricks
ASK DOCTOR JD

Q: submitted by Sam

My 27-year-old "girlfriend" rarely gives me affection. It's not as though I have an unpleasant odor looming from my body -- in fact, we have really great sex. But she sometimes won't even let me hold her hand after we finish making love, let alone in public. Because of this I feel like I'm her boy toy and not her boyfriend. Any advice?

A:
Strange, isn't it? Guys are used to women hanging on for dear life -- not only do they cling lovingly to our powerful arms; they seem to hang on to our every word (yeah right). To top it off, most women complain that men don't know squat about foreplay, let alone how to cuddle (no man could have invented that word) after the big event. So when we end up with a woman who is cling-free, we question our own lovability. Well Sam, this time it's her issue, not yours. As hard as this may be to believe, there are women who just aren't into afterplay or public displays of affection (PDA), and that's okay. It's not necessarily a reflection on you or your desirability, but likely indicative of her past. If she's not a cuddler, her parents may not have been so freewheeling with the cootchie-coos during her childhood, or her last lover may have been hands-free when it came to PDA. But that was then and this is now. How can you convince her that giving you your fair share of loving will keep you from wandering into warmer climates? Simple, just ask and ye shall receive. Let her know that fondling is fun, then prove it by kissing and touching her gently, unexpectedly and often. Random acts of love open humans up to what they may be lacking, and no one wants to be left out in the cold. Besides, learning anything -- including how and when to kiss -- is just like riding a bike. Sometimes women must be taught how and when certain acts can make men happy. In other words, touching is Pavlovian: the more often you provide affection when you want it reciprocated, the more quickly she will learn to respond. And don't forget to reward her with warm words and open arms.

-JD

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


Good Cop, Bad Cop!
 
 

to view clip: right click mouse and choose "save target as" option. save the file "neg.mpg" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "neg.mpg" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.




Video contributions or suggestions to mailto:webmaster@sublimedirectory.com?subject=stimes_video.
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - More than 100 men and women gathered in famously liberal San Francisco this past weekend for what organizers said was the city's second annual public "Masturbate-a-Thon." Organizers said they have taken the event "from the sheets to the streets," offering volunteers -- 18 years or older -- the opportunity to overcome their inhibitions in "a safe environment" and raise money for charity. Horace Santry, 55, said the Friday night event was his first. "I have a lot of anxiety, but doing this among a group of like-minded people does make it easier," he said. Men and women ranging in age from the early 20s to the 50s, mingled at a local performing arts center in San Francisco's South of Market district, known for artists, galleries and nightclubs, before getting down to business. To the strains of soothing new-age music, the men and women -- a number of them couples -- were shown into rooms for men, women or both. "This is an effort to counter centuries of censure, to make masturbation more fun and to make it more accessible," said Thomas W. Laqueur, a professor of history at the University of California at Berkeley and author of the recent "Solitary Sex: A Cultural History of Masturbation," in a telephone interview before the event. The event is a fund-raiser for the local Center for Sex and Culture, a non-profit organization that provides sex education. San Francisco Masturbate-a-Thons have raised more than $25,000 over the past five years, said Center co-founder Robert Lawrence. The event has inspired others in several U.S. states and countries, from Alaska to Germany, in which participants raise money in the privacy of their homes.
 
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This Weeks



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Winner
"I have heard of getting a nip and a tuck but this is rediculous"-Black
Runners-up
"but Doctor Lector told me that this would definetly make our sex life interesting"-Rc
"KFSKANK meal-- couple of rolls and a breast"-Drew



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