For The Week Of 05/20/2013
Happy with all the porn you're taking off Sublime? Time to give something back...
This week's Sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world-famous Sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entries to webmaster@ sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. ''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."

Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: "Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehab clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."

SITES OF THE WEEK
Obscure -Video Games
Fuck Yea -Sexy Asians
The Stephen King -Universe
Rome 2 Rio -Here to There
Repair Her -MMORPG Armor
Misadventure -Flash Game!
TIPS AND TRICKS
SmartDeblur Fixes Blurry Photos Without the Fuss

Windows: As good as our camera phones have gotten, they can still produce some blurry images, especially of moving subjects or in low light. While you could try to sharpen them up in a feature-rich app like Photoshop and futz around with a bunch of sliders and settings to get decent results, SmartDeblur does a great job with less fuss. As far as photography apps go, this is a simple app for a single problem, but it delivers on its promise. Just load up a photo, adjust the kernel size and smoothing parameters as needed, then hit "Analyze Blur" to fix the photo. SmartDeblur is no miracle worker, the photos won't become crystal clear, but the app absolutely holds its own against real image editors. Obviously, if you have Photoshop and would rather set up a batch process to make some adjustments, that's probably going to be faster for fixing a ton of photos at once, but SmartDeblur is still handy if you just want to sharpen a photo or two. It's also a great app to send to any of your friends who don't own or aren't comfortable using full-featured image editors.

Feel free to send contributions or suggestions to: webmaster@sublimedirectory.com
ASK MY GF

Q: submitted by Miniman

"Is skype sex a good idea? I have not seen my gf for a week and wont for another 2 weeks. I feel sexually frustrated and I think she is too. How do I infer cyber sex?"

A:

"If you don't mind the possibility of someday seeing yourself jerking off on a porn site video, go for it. Just keep in mind that when you use a webcam it is easy for the other party to record it. You might be interested to know that a few months ago there was a story in the news about some guy suing Skype because the gal he was masturbating with on camera was black mailing him, threatening to send the video of him jerking off to family, friends, employers, etc.
He was CERTAIN that she would never do something like that. Just like the 51% of married couples who divorce were certain they would be together forever."

-TrueLoveSwallows

AskMyGF
 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new Sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.

"Call the Police For Me"


Video contributions or suggestions to: webmaster@ sublimedirectory.com
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
FRESNO, CA -- Accidentally butt dialing someone is embarrassing or inconsequential to most, but for two Fresno, Calif., men, their cell phone mishap landed them in jail. The call, which went to 911, started like any other call to the police dispatcher, with the operator asking, "What is your emergency?" But when no one answered, the operator didn't hang up, instead staying on the line and listening to the pair, who police identified as Nathan Teklemariam and Carson Rinehart, both 20, as they talked about wanting to do drugs. It wasn't long before the conversation turned to breaking into a car. "Get the bolt and give me the hammer just in case," one of the two voices on the phone said. Shortly after that statement, the dispatcher heard a window shatter and the people on the phone started yelling that they found prescription drugs. As the two were driving away, police were already in the area searching for the men based on clues that the 911 dispatcher was feeding to them.

The police finally tracked the suspects down and pulled them over. The suspects acted confused and questioned what why they were being pulled over, police said. "Oh, he's following me, dog," one of the suspects said in the recording. "Wow, what the [expletive] did I do?" As they were being questioned, the suspects allegedly denied any wrongdoing, but after searching the car, police said they found items that allegedly were taken from the burglarized vehicle. After being cuffed, the suspects were finally told how they were caught. "This fool really called 911?" one of the suspects said. "Damn." "I have never heard of something like this," Sgt. Jaime Rios of the Fresno Police Department told ABCNews.com. "There have been times where the dispatcher hears something like this, but never has a call come in before a crime being committed and staying on all the way to the end."

Rios said the suspects are being charged with burglary, conspiracy and possession of stolen property.
 
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This Weeks



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Winner
"I fucking hate humans." -Horse

Runner-up
"It's casual Friday! Didn't you get the memo, horse-brother?" -Duane



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