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OF THE WEEK
It's career day in a kindergarten class, and the teacher is asking all of her students what they want to be when they grow up.
She asks a little girl, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
The girl responds, "I want to be a doctor so I can help heal all the sick people in the world."
The teacher says, "Very good!"
Next the teacher asks a little boy what he wants to be when he grows up.
He responds, "I want to be a farmer so I can grow food and feed all the hungry people of the world."
The teacher says, "Excellent!"
Finally, she comes up to a little black boy, and asks him, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
He responds, "I want to be a rake."
The teacher, confused, asks "A rake, why do you want to be a rake."
To which he responds, "Well, my sister is a hoe, and she comes home with a lot of money each night."
What kind of job is “meter maid,” anyway? Hold these candy-ass bloodsuckers at bay by keeping an old parking ticket in your glove box. In the event that you absolutely have to park in a fire lane, handicapped space or other “off limits” spot, take out your old unpaid parking ticket and place it on your windshield. Cops usually just notice that you have already been ticketed and roll on by. If they do check the authenticity of the ticket, they’re sure to appreciate your clever ruse, and give you a pass anyway.
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My girlfriend heard a rumor from some of our friends that I cheated on her. And I can’t really deny it. Let’s just say I wasn’t all there at the time. What should I do or say to her?
It’s not really a rumor if you can’t deny it, now, is it? No amount of silence or creative semantics is going to erase the fact that you actually did cheat and that you’ll eventually have to suffer the consequences, whether you own up to it or not.
In the realm of relationship transgressions, cheating ranks up there with the most egregious. Yes, you can look at cheating as a bad mistake that can be forgiven—to err is human and all that crap—but how you handle the situation is going to determine just how forgivable your cheating is.
First, figure out why you cheated. Being under the influence is not a reason—it’s a lame, lame, lame excuse. So be mature and be really honest with yourself about your motivation. Are you tired and bored with your girl? Are you trying to sabotage the relationship because you want out, but don’t want to say so? Or, do you feel the cheating was stupid, that you truly regret it, and would do anything to take it back?
If you suspect either one of the first two is the true reason, then stop wasting her time, be an adult, and break things off. However, if you truly care about her and value your relationship, confront her with the truth immediately. Tell her how stupid it was, how sorry you are, let her give you a good tongue-lashing, and work your ass off to get her back. It won’t be easy, but if you can get through it, your relationship may be all the stronger. But if you wait, you perpetuate the deception, so that it snowballs until you find yourself at the bottom of one ugly avalanche—alone.
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you
a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or
sent in by you guys.
PATNA, India (Reuters) - Turned down for marriage due to his dark complexion, an Indian man staged a hunger strike outside his would be bride's house for two days before she finally relented, an official said Saturday.
Saral Prasad, the 23-year-old groom in eastern Bihar state, said he would not budge from the girl's village home after she refused to marry him earlier this week in an arranged marriage because he was too dark.
Rajani, 19, changed her mind after two days and the couple got married, Arun Kumar Mishra, a village council official said.
"We were all taken by surprise but Rajani was finally moved by the gesture of the young man and married him," Mishra said.
Most Indian women, especially those in rural areas, often have no choice in matters of marriage, and are coerced into it by relatives and parents.
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"IS THAT A FAT BOY EATING A BIG BOY OR A BIG BOY EATING A FAT BOY?"-gov Runners-up
"Can you image what Randy Jackson ate when he had a whole stomach?"-Tyler
"FAT ALBERT MEETS THE KING"-Bayard