For The Week Of 05/22/2006
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK


A rich white man threw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors, including Leroy, the only black guy in the neighborhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating BBQ and flirting with the women.

At the height of the party, the host said, "I came home from a business trip and I found a 10 foot alligator got in my pool and I can't find anybody who will come and take him away. I'd give a million dollars to anyone who would do the job!"

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool! Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its ass! He was jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping it through the air like some kind of Kung-Fu master.

The water was churning and splashing in the struggle.

Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the surface. He slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was staring in disbelief.

The host says, "Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars."

"I don't want it," said Leroy, panting.

The rich man said, "Leroy, I have to give you something, you won the bet!"

So Leroy replied, "I would be satisfied if you gave me the name of whichever one of these white motherfuckers it was that pushed me in the pool."

SITES OF THE WEEK
Bollywood -Make Your Own Subtitles!
Theme Parks -Worst EVER!
Bebop -Cosby Style
Viagara And Flowers-Experiment
Viaduct -Highest Ever-Eye Candy
Chronon -Game Of The Week!
Tip and Trick of the Week
Cheat...Speeding Tickets
if you get pulled over the next time you push your '83 Yugo to the max (you know, 63 mph), here's a simple cheat to escape without a ticket. When the cop asks for your license, registration, and proof of insurance, hand him an expired insurance card. Fines for not having insurance tend to be higher than speeding tickets, so he'll likely just give you a warning for the speeding and a ticket for the insurance. When he hands you the ticket, act confused and say your insurance isn't expired. Hunt through your glove compartment and hand him your real insurance card. Hopefully, the cop will just tear up your insurance ticket and not bother to write a speeding ticket because he's tired of dealing with you.

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ASK TINA

Q: submited by Johnny
I’m a student at a military school and don’t get very much free time. When I do go into town, I never have enough time to get anything going with a girl. How can I become more efficient at attracting women?
A:
Halt there! Your approach seems all wrong. Sounds like you’re going on leave with the “Attract Your Life Mate in One Weekend or Less” manual in hand. But, let me tell you, nothing sends troops of females running faster than a desperate guy looking to land a quick lay. You can’t reel in a gal in just three EZ steps. You’re setting yourself up for failure. Females aren’t foreign territory to be conquered and won, they’re more like vacation lands to be experienced and enjoyed. The best thing you can do is set your sights on simply meeting women just to meet them. The more girls you get to know, the better your chances are of finding one who’s going to dig you. Find out where the girls are hanging in your town and become a regular, or go out with one of your buddies who has a really cool honey. Chances are, she’s got really cool friends—some of whom are single and perhaps can’t resist a guy in uniform. And remember, having good girl friends often begets finding a great girlfriend, so it’s OK if you start slow. Not only will you learn more about what women want, but nothing quite vouches for a guy like a good word from a trusted friend. Anything less is usually paid for…

-Tina

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


Wrestling In An Elevator
 
 

to view clip: right click video and choose "save target as" option. save the file "movie.wmv" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "fire.asx" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.




Video contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com.
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
ADELANTO, California (AP) - It was a sod story for a Mojave Desert homeowner whose entire front yard - grass, bushes and sprinklers - was hauled away by a thief.The homeowner telephoned law officials to report the yard in front of his under-construction home on was gone, a sheriff's spokeswoman Staci Johnson said Tuesday. Witnesses told the homeowner they saw the thief taking the sod, plants and irrigation system to a nearby residence, Johnson said. David Roger Bowers, 34, was arrested at the home and booked for investigation of grand theft and possession of stolen property, the sheriff's spokeswoman said. The landscaping materials were returned to the victim.
 
BEAT THE CAPTION-- GET FREE STUFF!

This is your chance to make a difference! Send in the captions that you think best suits "this weeks" picture below. If you win you get a free sublime T!

This Weeks



Last Weeks

Winner
"I wish my lawn was this emo so it would cut itself"-Fmmrah
Runners-up
"ROB ZOMBIE JR. VOWS THAT HIS HAND WILL NEVER GO TO SLEEP WHILE MASTURBATING AGAIN!!!"-Duane
"my dad never hugged me"-Todd
"Darwin's theory at work"-Chris
"Like Nike says "Just do it""-JOHN
"Dude, sideways is just for attention. Do it up and down to kill yourself"-Will



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