For The Week Of 05/31/2010
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

A man goes into a greasy spoon restaurant and orders a bowl of chicken soup. "What's this?!?!?" he screams! "There's a pussy hair in my soup! I'm not payin' for it!" and he storms out... The waitress gets very upset at this and follows him out and sees him go to the whorehouse across the street. He pays the madam and retires to a room with a lovely blonde and goes down on her with gusto. The waitress bursts in and says, "You complain about a hair in your soup and then come over here and do THIS!???" the waitress yells. He lifts his head, turns to her and says, "Yeah!... and if I find a noodle in here, I ain't payin' for it EITHER!

SITES OF THE WEEK
Yahoo -Fails!
Fit Like Brad -Pitt!
Least Sexiest Things From Kendras -Sex Tape!
How The Male Angler Fish -Gets Screwed!
Terrifying Yet Lovable -Creatures!
Google Pacman -Game of the Week!
TIPS AND TRICKS
Top 10 Man Codes.

Tip #1: A man doesn't sleep with his friend's ex. This is the rule of all rules. No matter how hot she is or how much you always wanted to tap that, you, as a real man and keeper of the code, will not sleep with your friend’s ex-girlfriend, ex-wife or ex-anything. There’s no time frame until she’s available, this isn’t hunting season. Banging the ex of a buddy is like sticking a knife (or your penis) in his back. Be a man and fight the urge to hook up. Penalty for breaking this man code: Your friend whose ex you’re doing? He’s now doing a woman close to you also. You call her mom.

Tip #2: A man has his friends' back. Fighting, tough times, sniping aliens on the Xbox, whatever it is, the second most important man code is to get your friend's back. No matter what it is (unless he says: “Hey, hide this from the cops”), you will be there for your buddy. If it’s a couple of fools who need correcting in the bar or if it’s listening to him sob about that skank you knew would leave him, you’re there for your bro. Penalty for breaking this man code: You get labeled as “that guy” and your friends all avoid you, quickly realizing you’re a lame-ass bro.

Tip #3: A man gets the next round. Much like paying back your debt, a man gets the next round. If a group of guys is out and each is picking up the drinks, dig into your pockets and join in. Hiding in the bathroom when it’s your turn is not only lame, it’s pathetic. If the earlier rounds were foo-foo expensive drinks, just go with a round of domestic beer, you can’t go wrong. Penalty for breaking this man code: You get called out at the bar because you secretly crave appletini’s over a good light beer. Every girl there will literally hear you grow a vagina.

Tip #4: A man doesn't cock block his friend. A foul deed and a rule that goes without saying, a man does not get in the way of his friend getting a piece. Inexcusable and downright evil, cock blocking is the quickest way to end a friendship and to get labeled Supreme Dick (and not in a good way). Don’t tell embarrassing stories, mention ex-girlfriends, start laying your own game, or do anything that will jeopardize a girl from seeing your boy in the best light possible (so he can see her in the dark). Penalty for breaking this man code: A scarlet letter of your own, a giant red C for “Cockblocker.” And possibly an ass-whooping.

Tip #5: A man doesn't screw his friend on the job. In the workplace, man law is the real CEO and sees no glass ceilings. So while it may be tempting to end-run around your friend for a project or a scoop of insight in the office, you don’t do it if it’s at his expense. Job-blocking is just as bad as keeping your homey from scoring with a hottie. Be a friend on the job as much as you’re a friend outside. Penalty for breaking this man code: All your sexual failures and frustrations end up on the office intranet and in memos to the hot new hires.

Tip #6: A man becomes a wingman when required. At the end of Top Gun, even Val “Iceman” Kilmer realized that Tom “Maverick” Cruise was the best wingman ever. Now it’s your turn. When you’re at the club or at a party and your friend needs you to take the ugly one so he has a shot at the hottie, you do it. Without question, you fall on the sword and are the wingman. Wingman duties can also extend to driving to the party, handling the valet and running interference from the girl’s man-hating friends. Penalty for breaking this man code: You get grounded, shot down and denied takeoff. Everywhere you go, for an undetermined time, your male friends make sure you don’t get anywhere near getting laid.

Tip #7:A man buys his friend beers after he gets dumped/fired. The king’s horses and his men knew this code when Humpty Dumpty fell apart -- and you should know it too. When your friend loses his job or his girl, you’re there to ease his pains with alcohol. You get the rounds and you pick up the tab until he feels better or at least thinks he feels better. Penalty for breaking this man code: Karma’s a bitch. Get ready to find your own sad ass in the unemployment line or spending your Friday night with Rosy Palm.

Tip #8: A man repays his debts. “Neither a borrower nor a lender be.” Sure, that sounded good when someone said it centuries ago, but in today’s economy, you may have to swallow your pride and ask for some financial help. Or, maybe you were short on cash or forgot your wallet (yeah right, you cheap ass). If your friend loans you cash or buys the first round, you pay him back. Work to get him his money, pick up lunch next time or get that next round of suds. Penalty for breaking this man code: Working your debt off as your buddy’s man servant and house boy. And there’s that bachelor party donkey again.

tip #9: A man doesn't say what happened at the bachelor party. Consider it a code of silence or an oath of nondisclosure. Whether it be strippers, midget tossing or stringing a donkey out on ecstasy, a man keeps these things to himself and especially away from the bride-to-be. Whatever happened at the party stays at the party. Penalty for breaking this man code: That hyper-sexed donkey that’s tweaking in the bathroom is now in your bedroom waiting.

Tip #10: A man helps his friend move. It could be your buddy moving from his apartment to a house or out of his mom’s basement. Whatever the move, observe the man code that dictates you to help friends move. If you have a hatchback, clean out the trunk and start packing. If you have a truck, it’s not even a question. Penalty for breaking this man code: Think you’ll be able to ask for help moving when it’s your turn? Yeah right. Better get those furniture sliders and a good belt because your rule-breaking ass is on its own.
Tips from a great site: Ask Men Feel free to send contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com
ASK TINA

Q:submitted by: Christopher.

Hi Tina, So a few days ago I fucked my girlfriend anally. We didnt have any lubrication so I just used spit. Now shes having sharp pains in her rectum and says it burns. Shes also bleeding a bit. Is there any cause for concern?

A:
Dear Chris, Are you serious? Why not call a doctor! Clearly you have not read my previous articles when I stated to use a WATER BASED lube. That does not mean to use saliva. She probably ruptured something, caused hemorrhage and most likely will need medical care. When having any kind of sex its always best to be prepared and use the right king of stuff to experience pleasure unlike in her current scenario which shes likely to be in pain. Please seek medical attention for her. And next time, if youre not ready to play like adults then dont bother. Good Luck Babe!

-Tina

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.

Heres A Pick Me Up!
 
 
Video contributions or suggestions to mailto:webmaster@sublimedirectory.com
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
Bill Smith, 55, said the "red-mist" descended on the man when he told him customers with pets had to use different cars under company policy. Mr Smith had been sent to a Stirling address to pick up a passenger. Central Scotland Police said they were following a "positive line of inquiry" after the weekend incident. Mr Smith, from Sauchie in Clackmannanshire, had picked up an elderly woman at the address before the man came out of the house and tried to get in the car with the dog. The taxi driver said the man "took exception" when he refused to allow him to get into the car, and began shouting abuse at him. "The red-mist descended and he started kicking and punching the taxi," he said. "I tried to call headquarters for help, but couldn't get any signal so I decided to leave immediately before things got any worse." 'No respect' After the elderly woman left the car Mr Smith started his car engine, but the man allegedly opened the passenger door and threw in the pit bull. Mr Smith said he was forced to jump out the driver's door, but was able to get back into the car when the man yanked back on the dog's lead. He then drove off. He added: "It's incredible what you put up with just trying to do your job offering a service to people. "You treat people kindly and you expect that back, but it doesn't always work that way. There is no respect for your fellow man."
 
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