For The Week Of 06/02/2003
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster—one that would service all of his many hens. When he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied: “I have just the rooster for you. Henry here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!” So the farmer took Henry back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the hen house, though, he gave Henry a little pep talk: “Henry,” he said, “I’m counting on you to do your stuff.” And without a word, Henry strutted into the henhouse. Henry was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, until Henry had finished having his way with each hen. But Henry didn’t stop there. Henry went into the barn and mounted all of the horses, one by one, and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pig house, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief cried out, “Stop, Henry!! You’ll kill yourself!!” But Henry continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner. Well, the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Henry lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Henry. The farmer walked up to Henry saying, “Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you’ve gone and killed yourself. I warned you little buddy.” “Shhhhhhh,” Henry whispered, “The buzzard’s getting closer.”

SITES OF THE WEEK
Slackers -At The Office.
Huge Penis Story -Intresteing.
500 Super Hot Swimsuit Babes! -Bonerville!
Beer Chiller -Very Cool!
Jenifer Lopez Ass Grabbing -Way 2 Go!
Rescue Mission -Game Of The Week!
Tip and Trick of the Week
Cheat....Retailers!

Against my better judgment, I’ll let you in on this. I’m a manager for a major discount store and discovered this heinous—although quite ingenious—crime being perpetrated on our unsuspecting cashiers. One day a woman bought several items—at least 25—and used coupons for roughly one fourth of them, which she handed to the cashier at the end of the transaction. A few days later she returned one or two items, which were discounted with coupons. But since the coupons were added at the very end of the transaction, we had no way of knowing for sure which items were discounted and which were regular purchases. So the crafty crab received a refund for the full value of the item, making a profit worth the value of the coupon. Obviously, this works best with an item like a television as opposed to, say, a bottle of Clamato. contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com
ASK DOCTOR JD

Q: submitted by Johnson

The past few weeks I have been seeing a girl who seems to get me aroused every time I see her. We have played around in bed together and have rolled around the sheets together, me with a hard on and she extremely turned on. Because she is not quite ready to go all the way, I have been finding myself getting super hard erections then cooling off all night long. My testicles seem to be bearing the brunt of this erection then non-ejaculation, and I am in pain most of the next day. What is going on? I am 20 years old and very healthy. Should I be concerned? Is this what some people term "blue balls"?

A:
Yes, that is indeed what people call blue balls. I think the answer to your problem is either to ask her to masturbate you to orgasm, or do it yourself (ask her if she minds, first, though), and you could also just explain that she turns you on so much - she will be flattered by that, believe me - that you are left uncomfortable if you don't get off. Alternatively, go discreetly to the bathroom and relieve yourself- it shouldn't take long if you are so turned on. But in any event, an orgasm is clearly what you need. By the way, could you ask her if she would like to get some pleasure as well? Suggestions for you to put to her might include that she could in herself off with her hands while you hold her, curled up alongside her (she might like that) or that you bring her off - "heavy petting" - i.e. fondling her to orgasm (you could tell her it would make YOU very happy to do this for HER). Or you could have a session of frottage: have her lie on her back with you on top of her, supporting your weight so she isn't squashed, and kiss her - you can even do this fully clothed, although you might have a laundry bill afterwards! - as things hot up, you may find that you both begin to naturally rub your penis and vulva together, and perhaps simulate the movements of sexual intercourse. If she responds, you can go on till she comes, and you will probably follow soon after. Any of these might be a very nice substitute for full blown intercourse if she isn't ready for it.

-JD

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


Nice Trick!
 
 

to view clip: right click mouse and choose "save target as" option. save the file "bike.mpg" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "bike.mpg" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.




Video contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com.
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
While two co-appellants chose to have lawyers represent them before the Supreme Court of Canada in their challenge of their marijuana convictions, David Malmo-Levine spoke for himself, addressing the justices for 40 minutes on May 6, arguing that his right of "substance orientation" was similar to someone's right of sexual orientation. After his session (which he began by waving hello to the justices), Malmo-Levine revealed that his entire courtroom wardrobe was made of hemp and that he had taken a few hits of hashish beforehand. Said he, "I was happy, hungry and relaxed, but I was not impaired." [Reuters, 5-7-03, Globe and Mail, 5-7-03]
 
BEAT THE CAPTION-- GET FREE STUFF!

This is your chance to make a difference! Send in the captions that you think best suits "this weeks" picture below. If you win you get a free sublime T!

This Weeks



Last Weeks

Winner
"joe shows his excitment for the new cell phone offer from cingular wireless"-P
Runners-up
"I can't wait to get this monkey off my back"-Matt
"THE NAIR WITCH PROJECT"-Lunacy



contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com



bike your support..Suggest SublimeTimes to a friend!
Friend's Email:
Your name: NOTE: Please put a name your friend will recognize

Archived Issues:
|06-18-2001 |06-25-2001 |07-02-2001 |07-09-2001 |07-16-2001 |
|07-23-2001 |07-30-2001 |08-06-2001 |08-13-2001 |08-20-2001 |
|08-27-2001 |09-03-2001 |09-10-2001 |09-17-2001 |09-23-2001 |
|10-01-2001 |10-08-2001 |10-15-2001 |10-22-2001 |10-30-2001 |
|11-05-2001 |11-12-2001 |11-17-2001 |11-24-2001 |12-03-2001 |
|12-10-2001 |12-17-2001 |12-24-2001 |12-31-2001 |01-07-2002 |
|01-14-2002 |01-21-2002 |02-04-2002 |02-11-2002 |02-18-2002 |
|02-25-2002 |03-03-2002 |03-10-2002 |03-18-2002 |03-25-2002 |
|04-01-2002 |04-08-2002 |04-15-2002 |04-22-2002 |04-29-2002 |
|05-06-2002 |05-13-2002 |05-20-2002 |05-27-2002 |06-03-2002 |
|06-10-2002 |06-17-2002 |06-24-2002 |07-01-2002 |07-07-2002 |
|07-15-2002 |07-22-2002 |07-29-2002 |08-05-2002 |08-12-2002 |
|08-19-2002 |08-26-2002 |09-02-2002 |09-09-2002 |09-16-2002 |
|09-23-2002 |09-30-2002 |10-07-2002 |10-14-2002 |10-21-2002 |
|10-28-2002 |11-04-2002 |11-11-2002 |11-18-2002 |11-25-2002 |
|12-02-2002 |12-09-2002 |12-16-2002 |12-23-2002 |12-30-2002 |
|01-06-2003 |01-13-2003 |01-20-2003 |01-27-2003 |02-03-2003 |
|02-10-2003 |02-17-2003 |02-24-2003 |03-03-2003 |03-10-2003 |
|03-17-2003 |03-24-2003 |03-31-2003 |04-07-2003 |04-14-2003 |
|04-21-2003 |04-28-2003 |05-05-2003 |05-12-2003 |05-19-2003 |
|05-27-2003 |




[ back to sublime main ]