For The Week Of 06/06/2005
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of his bed. "What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?...and who are you?" he asked. "This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven." "WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too young," said Tom. "I want you to send me back immediately." "It's not that easy", said St.Peter. "You can only return as a dog or a hen. The choice is your own." Tom thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad. "I want to return as a hen," Tom replied. And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really nicely feathered. But now he felt like his rear end was gonna blow. Then along came the rooster. "Hey, you must be the new hen St. Peter told me about," he said. "How do you like being a hen?" "Well, OK I guess, but it feels like my ass is about to explode." "Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. You need to lay an egg." "How do I do that?" Tom asked. "Cluck twice, and then you push all you can." Tom clucked twice and pushed more than he was good for, and then 'plop' an egg was on the ground. "Wow" Tom said. "That felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground. The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout: "Tom, Wake up! You're ****tin' all over the bed!"

SITES OF THE WEEK
Python Challenge -Geek Riddle
Jammin Johns -When Your Music Is Crap
49rs Training Video -The One Creating The Stir.
Thousand Bars-One Mans Quest
Where's George -Cool Concept
Park -Game Of The Week!
Tip and Trick of the Week
Cheat...Exams
If you’re dead broke, but have to send payment for the rent, utilities, or student loans, just write the check out completely, but do not sign it. Then, send it out. Without your signature, bill collectors won’t be able to cash your checks. When they call to bitch, tell them you’re sorry, and that you’ll send them another check. By then you should have bought yourself enough time to knock over a liquor store.


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ASK TINA

Q: submited by shelly
I'd like to restore my virginity. Is there such a thing as an artificial hymen so that I can give my lover my "cherry" again and again?
A:

If you're really serious about getting your virginity back, you can have your hymen surgically restored. So-called hymenorraphy is widely practiced in cultures where a maidenhead is highly valued. However, this is an expensive and difficult procedure, and even if you did it, losing your cherry again is another one-time deal. In terms of artificial barriers, you might try experimenting with plastic wrap, dental dams, or even female condoms to create a hard-to-penetrate barrier that might simulate a hymen. If you want to recreate that virginal feeling for yourself, consider a vagina-tightening cream or one of the active ingredients these creams contain. There are a number of creams on the market, with names like Shrink Cream and Sure Grip, that claim to shrink your coochie back to virginal proportions. Many contain what they call an "herbal blend." In most cases the active ingredients are witch hazel and/or alum, both of which are astringent and cause the tissues of the vaginal membrane to contract. Rather than investing in the cream, you could just try douching with distilled witch hazel, or a solution of alum dissolved in water. Both are cheap and available at any drug store. Remember that this will just make your vagina feel tighter during intercourse, and that may be slightly uncomfortable. But then, I assume that the discomfort of the defloration is part of what you're trying to recapture. To enhance the effect, try to have intercourse with a minimum of foreplay so you don't get too lubricated before insertion. That's pretty typical of a "first time" anyway.

-Tina

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


Fainting Goats
 
 

to view clip: right click video and choose "save target as" option. save the file "goats.wmv" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "goats.wmv" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.




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STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
An irate father is demanding that Bozeman High School present students with a rebuttal to what he called "extremely biased religious dogma" delivered by an assembly speaker who warned teens against the dangers of drugs, drinking and premarital sex. Tom Wells, a Bozeman attorney and father of a ninth-grader, told the School Board on Monday night that he was appalled by the "thinly veiled ministry" and "misinformation" presented the week before by speaker Tina Marie Holewinski. Holewinski, 27, of Hollywood, Calif., a full-time speaker with an organization called True Lies, defended her talk Tuesday as full of "hard-core facts" that could save teenagers' lives. She denied that she interjected any of her religious beliefs in the talk, and added she'd been flooded with e-mail messages from grateful teens. Principal Godfrey Saunders said Holewinski had presented the messages school officials are most concerned about each spring, with prom and graduation approaching -- Don't drink, drink and drive, don't use drugs. But, Saunders said, she had gone beyond what they were expecting to present her own views about abstinence. Saunders said he had spoken to students through the school intercom the next morning to say that what Holewinski discussed about condoms and birth control pills isn't what is taught in the school's sex-ed curriculum, though it also emphasizes abstinence. "She went off-message," Superintendent Mike Redburn said. "We share (Wells') concerns." Wells demanded the school give equal time to rebut the "misinformation" his son heard: that condoms lead to cancer, that birth control pills are only 20 percent effective, that sexually transmitted diseases are spread by skin contact alone, that third-trimester fetuses can be aborted, that video games lead to homicide, that human papilloma virus can be transferred through condoms and that teens can achieve "second virginity" through abstinence. Holewinski responded that she spoke mainly against against drugs, drinking and driving, and debunked "the media's" glamorization of sex, alcohol, drugs and violence. She maintained it's true that there are cancer-causing agents in latex condoms; that 80 percent of teenage girls who seek abortions are already on birth-control pills; and that human papilloma virus is small enough to pass through condoms. She said she does promote the idea of second virginity. The school paid Holewinski paid $1,500 for her talk and expenses. Pat Strauss, assistant principal, said much of Holewinski's talk did cover what they'd asked for, but then all of a sudden she'd throw in zingers, like condoms have 15 different carcinogens, or that birth control pills cause cervical cancer or sterility. The reaction from the 1,800 students was split 50/50, he said. Some teachers said the talk prompted some lively discussions. "We tried to do something good for our kids -- be safe, get everybody through graduation," Strauss said. "That's what's most disappointing." A cursory review of Internet sites on just one of Holewinski's disputed topics turned up numerous sites asserting condoms are linked to cancer; however, the pro-condom Planned Parenthood site contends that abstinence-only supporters have put out a number of myths about condoms over the years. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration Web site doesn't discuss any condom-cancer link. It does say, "a condom could save your life" by greatly reducing the chances of getting sexually transmitted diseases, especially AIDS. It adds, "sex with condoms isn't totally 'safe sex,' but it is 'less risky' sex."
 
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