A distraught young woman decides to throw herself into the ocean. Down at the docks, a handsome young sailor notices her tears, takes pity on her, and says, "Hey, you’ve got a lot to live for. All you need is a new start. I’m off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I’ll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slips his arm around her shoulders and adds, "I’ll keep you happy, and you’ll keep me happy." She agrees, and the sailor brings her aboard that night and hides her in a lifeboat. Every night he brings her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit and they make passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine search, she is discovered by the ship’s captain. "What are you doing here?" the captain asks. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explains. "He’s taking me to Europe, and he’s screwing me." "He sure is, lady," says the captain. "This is the Staten Island ferry."

Q: submitted by Rick

jd, everytime my wife gets drunk she wants to have sex. the only problem is she gets really sloppy, her breath smells like ass and i don't want to bang her. what should i do?

A:
i'm in the same boat with you dude. to me there really is nothing worse than a sweaty drunk chik mumbling that she wants to have sex in your ear. not to mention every really drunk chik is horrible lay. if i were you i would stop sweating it and not even try and go for the bang. i do not know why girls think it is any different for them when it comes to this kind of scenario. how many chiks are ready to bang their boyfriend that is drunk as hell and all nasty from a night of partying. the only exception is when BOTH people are drunk as hell and try one of those late night ripped as hell bangs. so, when a girl is super ripped i like to go for the following technique. i lay them down on the bed and tell them i'm going to go do something (like get a glass a water or something). when they are that drunk and don't have someone to yap at they pass right out. now you have put the blathering drunk girl to rest now what about you? come to terms that every night can not be a threesome with your girlfriend and a stripper and just rub one out to your favorite rocco vid. good luck!

-JD