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JOKE OF THE WEEK
A long time ago in the land of Persia there lived a powerful king and his beautiful queen. The queen was so gorgeous that the king's ministers were obsessed and craving to seduce her.
One day, the king got an invitation to visit the King of Ethiopia and left behind his queen and his kingdom. Before leaving, he asked his three ministers to take good care of his queen and all his affairs during his absence. All three pronounced their loyalty.
That night, when the queen was deep asleep the king placed a sharp blade inside her because he didn't trust his three ministers.
The following week, the king returned and summoned his three ministers to the palace. He ordered all three to strip. To the king's surprise, two of them were penisless and the third was fine. The two unfaithful ministers were immediately executed. The king praised the third minister for his loyalty and asked him what he wished.
"Aaaah, aaaaaaaaah," he replied.
Smoggy Displays Your Current Air Quality at a Glance
iPhone: If you're particularly sensitive to particulates in the air, it's important to monitor the air quality in your city when you make your weekend plans. Though it's not packed with tons of features, Smoggy is a great way to get this information at a glance.
The app includes air quality data for over 500 US cities, and you can add multiple locations to your favorites if you're traveling. Each city displays the AQI (Air Quality Index) in a large typeface, and also provides particulate matter (the size of the particles in the air), and Ozone pollution if you want some more specifics. Though it's not a weather app by any stretch, it will also provide you with some basic info like the current temperature, chance of precipitation, and wind direction so you don't have to open another weather app for this basic information. Finally, each city includes an air quality forecast for the following day to help you plan, though it's scant on the details. For a bit of fun, the app also lists the ten current cleanest and dirtiest cities in the US (Washington state has amazing air, for what it's worth).
Smoggy is great if you remember to open it when you wake up, but automatic push notifications every morning would really take it to the next level. Still, at only $.99, Smoggy is worth checking out if you have a sensitive respiratory system, or live in a heavily polluted city.
"I'm always at a loss as to the best way to pay attention to her breasts and in particular her nipples. Using my hand, fingers, tongue? Is one better than the other? Do I suck her nipples or just rub...sorry, what would be the best technique?"
"i use all of the above to stimulate breasts but all women are different. As far as soft/rough or kiss/lick/suck ...different women like different things.
As a general rule of thumb be gentle...until she tells you otherwise...If your talking about your GF than my advice would be just ask her what she likes. And if she isn't sure...then experiment to find out ;)"
APOPKA, FL -- Orange County deputies said they found a burglar covered in grease stuck in the window of a convenience store early Saturday.
According to deputies, Chad Winslow broke into Sam's Discount Food Store, on the 2600 block of Apopka Boulevard, by sliding through a grease trap on the store's roof.
The alarm went off, and the deputy who responded said he saw Winslow, 34, stuck in one of the windows.
An arrest report said Winslow told the deputy he was stuck, could not move and had to "take a poop." The deputy helped Winslow out of the window and took him into custody.
According to the report, Winslow tried to steal two dirty magazines and three packs of cigarettes.
Winslow had several cuts and scrapes on his arms and legs. He was taken to Florida Hospital Apopka to be treated for his injuries, and then to the Orange County Jail, where he was locked up on $3,750 bond. He is charged with burglary, criminal mischief and petit theft.
Winslow initially agreed to an interview, but later backed out. We did, however, speak to the deputy who arrested him, who said the case gets even weirder -- and has everything to do with a ham sandwich.
"This is the stuff you only see on TV," said Orange County Deputy Kent Matherne. "But this is real life. It really happens."
Matherne said he spotted something unusual just before 4 a.m. Saturday, when he responded to the alarm at the food store.
"Two windows were broken, and I parked down the street," he said. "As I'm walking up, I see a white male stuck halfway through the window, and as I approached him, I challenged him and told him who I was, 'Orange County Sheriff's Office.'"
"He's like, 'I'm stuck, and I have to take a poop,'" Matherne continued.
The arrest report said Winslow's entry through the grease trap left him covered in grease, leaving distinct finger prints and shoe prints throughout the store.
"It was pretty nasty," said Matherne. "I still have grease in the back of my car."
Deputies said Winslow didn't go after the cash register. Instead, he drank some juice and grabbed a ham sandwich before realizing all of the doors and windows were covered with bars. That was when he tried to squeeze through -- and got stuck.
"His feet were still inside the store," Matherne said. "His upper torso was outside."
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