For The Week Of 06/19/2006
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK


A black man and his son are on an airplane going across the ocean when they hear the captain's voice coming over the speakers.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid I have some bad news. One of our engines has gone out. We still have 3 working fine, but in order to make it across the ocean, we will have to dump all the luggage.

It will be picked up by boats and returned to the airport where you can pick it up. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Well, then about 15 minutes later, the captain comes on again. "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid I have some more bad news.

We just lost another engine. Since we already dumped the luggage, we will now have to drop people.

You will be given floating devices and will be picked up immediately by a boat and taken safely to shore.

To be fair, we will do this in alphabetical order. 'A' is for African American. All African Americans, please raise your hands.

Well, hearing! this, the little black boy started to raise his hand. His father pushed his hand down and said, "No son, keep it down!"

When no one raised their hands, the captain said, "Okay, fine, let's move on to the letter 'B'. 'B' is for black. All blacks, raise your hands."

Again, the little black boy starts to raise his hand, and his father stops him again.

The captain comes on once more, and says, "Well then, I guess we'll move on to 'C'. 'C' is for Colored. All colored people, raise your hands." The little black boy starts to raise his hand, and his father pushes it down and tells him no.

"But dad!" he says, "We are African American, we are black, and we are also called colored. Why won't you let me raise my hand?" His father says, "No son, today, we is Niggers. Those Mexicans are going before us!"

SITES OF THE WEEK
Geek scarfs -Amazing As Always
Super Mario Brothers -All The Tricks
Star Treck Vs. Star Wars -Sick
Net Neutrality -Get Involved.
Bat Eating CetipideGrossest Crawlies Ever
Pitch And PUtt -Game Of The Week!
Tip and Trick of the Week
Cheat..Warranties!
It seems like companies try to screw you over by making their products fall apart just after their protection plans expire. Get revenge with this handy hint. Go to the store and buy the exact same item that broke. Return it within the hour to the same clerk, but claim you lost the receipt. Get your money back and use the receipt you "lost" to get your broken item repaired for free.
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ASK TINA

Q: submited by Roger the Head Dodger
My girlfriend is always giving me blowjobs, and I have never once asked her to, only because Iím not a big fan of ďdeep sea fishing.Ē I mean, I will do it every once in awhile, but there is just something about it that doesnít appeal to me. Then she gets all bent out of shape when I donít return the favor. I just want to make her happy, so how do I do this and satisfy both parties?
A:
Well, does your girl give you head just so she can get some herself? If so, you should make sure she understands that youíre not down with going down, and that it has nothing to do with her in particular, itís just something you donít want to do. Ask her what else might please her besides steam-cleaning her carpet. If she doesnít have any ideas, maybe you should consider using some of the more exploratory battery-operated devices out there, something that mimics the flexibility and rhythms of the tongue. Or else, try working a little digital magic. If sheís still willing to butter your corncob without any reciprocity, consider the following courses of action: a) fall on your knees and thank God b) buy her a Lexus. The thing is this: Oral dialogue with the holiest of holies is hard to beat. In fact, some women experience orgasm only in this manner. Perhaps itís time you rethought your approach. I donít really know how to put this delicately, so Iím just gonna come right out and ask. Do she stank? If so, you need to tell her because it could be an infection, something that could be remedied. Have her discuss it with her doctor. But if thatís not the case, what is it? Weak tongue? Lockjaw? Are you scared of the dark? You donít seem to want to give up the head you get, though you say you never ask for it. So many guys write me asking how they can get their ladies to give them head, and youíve got this woman who enjoys going down, only expecting a little tit for tat. If you donít like having your woman scream your name as she grabs your head and grinds your ears with her thighs, there are lots of other guys who will. Just a thought.

-Tina

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


Snakes On The Plane!
 
 

to view clip: right click video and choose "save target as" option. save the file "movie.wmv" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "movie.wmv" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.




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STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
NEW YORK (FORTUNE Magazine) - We were sitting in a Manhattan living room on a spring afternoon, and Warren Buffett had a Cherry Coke in his hand as usual. But this unremarkable scene was about to take a surprising turn. "Brace yourself," Buffett warned with a grin. He then described a momentous change in his thinking. Within months, he said, he would begin to give away his Berkshire Hathaway fortune, then and now worth well over $40 billion. Should you leave it all to the children? If you do, you may not be doing them a favor. But if you want to, there are sensible ways of passing on what you have without depriving the kids of a feeling of achievement. (more) Letters from Buffett As part of his plan, Warren Buffett is sending letters to each of the five foundations that will be receiving his gifts. The letters may be found on Berkshire Hathaway's Web site. (See the letters) This news was indeed stunning. Buffett, 75, has for decades said his wealth would go to philanthropy but has just as steadily indicated the handoff would be made at his death. Now he was revising the timetable. "I know what I want to do," he said, "and it makes sense to get going." On that spring day his plan was uncertain in some of its details; today it is essentially complete. And it is typical Buffett: rational, original, breaking the mold of how extremely rich people donate money. Buffett has pledged to gradually give 85% of his Berkshire stock to five foundations. A dominant five-sixths of the shares will go to the world's largest philanthropic organization, the $30 billion Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, whose principals are close friends of Buffett's (a connection that began in 1991, when a mutual friend introduced Buffett and Bill Gates). The Gateses credit Buffett, says Bill, with having "inspired" their thinking about giving money back to society. Their foundation's activities, internationally famous, are focused on world health -- fighting such diseases as malaria, HIV/AIDS, and tuberculosis -- and on improving U.S. libraries and high schools. Up to now, the two Gateses have been the only trustees of their foundation. But as his plan gets underway, Buffett will be joining them. Bill Gates says he and his wife are "thrilled" by that and by knowing that Buffett's money will allow the foundation to "both deepen and accelerate" its work. "The generosity and trust Warren has shown," Gates adds, "is incredible." Beginning in July and continuing every year, Buffett will give a set, annually declining number of Berkshire B shares - starting with 602,500 in 2006 and then decreasing by 5% per year - to the five foundations. The gifts to the Gates foundation will be made either by Buffett or through his estate as long as at least one of the pair -- Bill, now 50, or Melinda, 41 -- is active in it. Berkshire's price on the date of each gift will determine its dollar value. Were B shares, for example, to be $3,071 in July - that was their close on June 23 - Buffett's 2006 gift to the foundation, 500,000 shares, would be worth about $1.5 billion. With so much new money to handle, the foundation will be given two years to resize its operations. But it will then be required by the terms of Buffett's gift to annually spend the dollar amount of his contributions as well as those it is already making from its existing assets. At the moment, $1.5 billion would roughly double the foundation's yearly benefactions. But the $1.5 billion has little relevance to the value of Buffett's future gifts, since their amount will depend on the price of Berkshire's stock when they are made. If the stock rises yearly, on average, by even a modest amount - say, 6% - the gain will more than offset the annual 5% decline in the number of shares given. Under those circumstances, the value of Buffett's contributions will rise. Buffett himself thinks that will happen. Or to state that proposition more directly: He believes the price of Berkshire, and with it the dollar size of the contributions, will trend upward - perhaps over time increasing substantially. The other foundation gifts that Buffett is making will also occur annually and start in July. At Berkshire's current price, the combined 2006 total of these gifts will be $315 million. The contributions will go to foundations headed by Buffett's three children, Susan, Howard, and Peter, and to the Susan Thompson Buffett Foundation. This last foundation was for 40 years known simply as the Buffett Foundation and was recently renamed in honor of Buffett's late wife, Susie, who died in 2004, at 72, after a stroke. Her will bestows about $2.5 billion on the foundation, to which her husband's gifts will be added. The foundation has mainly focused on reproductive health, family planning, and pro-choice causes, and on preventing the spread of nuclear weapons. Counting the gifts to all five foundations, Buffett will gradually but sharply reduce his holdings of Berkshire (Charts) stock. He now owns close to 31% of the company-worth nearly $44 billion in late June - and that proportion will ultimately be cut to around 5%. Sticking to his long-term intentions, Buffett says the residual 5%, worth about $6.8 billion today, will in time go for philanthropy also, perhaps in his lifetime and, if not, at his death. Because the value of Buffett's gifts are tied to a future, unknowable price of Berkshire, there is no way to put a total dollar value on them. But the number of shares earmarked to be given have a huge value today: $37 billion. That alone would be the largest philanthropic gift in history. And if Buffett is right in thinking that Berkshire's price will trend upward, the eventual amount given could far exceed that figure. So that's the plan. What follows is a conversation in which Buffett explains how he moved away from his original thinking and decided to begin giving now. The questioner is yours truly, FORTUNE editor-at-large Carol Loomis. I am a longtime friend of Buffett's, a Berkshire Hathaway shareholder, and a director of the Susan Thompson Buffett Foundation.
 
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