For The Week Of 06/28/2010
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

A man is watching a  game of golf on TV. But he keeps switching Channels to a dirty movie featuring a lusty couple having raucous sex.   "I don't know whether to watch them or the  game", he says to his wife.   "For Heaven's sake,  watch them," his wife says. "You already know how to play  golf!"

SITES OF THE WEEK
3 Most Common Uses of -Irony!
Drunk Driving Leads To Toll -Launching!
Clients From -HELL!
Transparent -Lingerie!
You Know You Want -This!
Bridge Craft -Game of the Week!
TIPS AND TRICKS
How To Perform Cunnilingus

Tip #1: Work out. To look and feel your ultimate best on a first date, sneak in a workout about two hours before you'll be meeting up. Exercise will bring greater definition to your body, make you feel energized, reduce first-date jitters by releasing feel-good hormones, and make your skin seem brighter. To really make your muscles “pop” for several hours afterward, include plenty of weight lifting in your workout, concentrating on your core or major muscle groups.

Tip #2: Confirm your plans. It can be pretty embarrassing to show up at a restaurant only to discover that they've lost your reservation and don't have any other tables for the evening. Ditto for showing up at a different time or to a different location than your date. To avoid any misunderstandings that could jeopardize your chances of seeing this woman again, confirm your plans with her a day before your date and confirm any reservations you have, too.

Tip #3: Clean your sheets and your bathroom. Imagine the perfect evening: You pick up your so-hot-she-could-be-a-Victoria's-Secret-model date and from the get-go you two totally hit it off. She laughs at all your jokes and she flirts with you wildly. Now imagine going back to your place -- where you forgot to make your bed, you haven't changed your sheets in a month, and your bathroom is filthy. At best, her impression of you as a master seducer will be shattered and, more realistically, she may be so completely put off she will find an excuse to go home. The lesson to be learned here is simple: Put some clean linen on your bed and tidy your bathroom just in case.

Tip #4: Shave. Whether you favor a clean-shaven look or some facial hair, everything needs to be very well groomed for your first date. You'll also want to spend a little more time than usual on this ritual to get the best shave possible. Steam up your bathroom while you're in the shower to open up your pores and soften hair follicles. Then use a new, clean razor and an emollient-rich shaving cream to achieve the smoothest shave possible. Follow with an aftershave to tone your skin and sterilize any nicks or cuts.

Tip #5: Pack a date kit. A little bit of thoughtful preparation before a date can really go a long way toward ensuring the evening proceeds smoothly, so pack a date kit. Include items like like breath mints or gum in your pocket if your date involves a romantic meal. A mini toothbrush and floss for “unexpected” overnight visits to her place will be useful, too, and can be stashed discreetly in the interior pocket of your jacket.

Tip #6: Iron your shirts. Much like job interviews, with first dates you don't normally get a second chance to make a first impression, so dressing appropriately is extremely important. Of course, you would never dream of wearing a rumpled shirt to a job interview, and you should apply this rule to first dates, too. The day before your date, clean and iron a few of your favorite shirts. That way you'll have a crisp selection to choose from when selecting your first-date ensemble.

Tip #7: Manscape. Women can literally spend days getting ready for a first date -- manicures, pedicures, bikini wax, the list goes on and on. Consider it common courtesy, therefore, to do a little body hair maintenance yourself. Any unwanted fuzz, such as back hair, should be removed, so get it waxed or shave it off yourself. Additionally, unsightly ear and nose hair should be plucked and unruly eyebrows, including a unibrow, should be tamed. Other areas in which you prefer to be hair-free should also be attended to.

Tip #8: Apply fragrance an hour before you meet. When you want your scent to last, the best way to ensure you smell good all night long is to layer your fragrance. In order to do so, invest in the shower gel, deodorant, aftershave, and cologne versions of your favorite scent. When prepping for a date, use all of these products to build up your fragrance, but save your cologne for the last minute. About an hour before showtime, spritz on your juice of choice so that the top notes of the fragrance will have evaporated by the time you meet your date, leaving you with a scent that's perfectly mixed with your body chemistry.

Tip #9: Clean your car. It's a given that you'll put at least a minimal amount of effort toward your appearance for a first date. However, it's important to not spend so much time on your physical appearance that you neglect other areas, such as your car, that will affect her impression of you. If you show up looking hot but then your date gets a glimpse of your mud-stained car and slides into your passenger seat only to discover empty soda cans, cigarette ashes and dog hair, she'll suddenly feel like your car represents the real you and that everything else is a show. So get out your mini vacuum and suck up any excess dirt in your ride, then spend 10 minutes taking it through a car wash on your way to pick her up.

Tip #10: Shine your shoes. We all know that shoes are inexplicably important to women, but when this fact of life is coupled with first-date nervousness on her part, which means she'll be looking downward when she's feeling a little shy, you can guarantee she'll notice your footwear. Because shoe polishing has become somewhat of a lost art, however, it's unfortunately commonplace to see a well-dressed man wearing scuffed shoes. Three days before your date, do a quick inspection of the shoes you might wear and take them to a cobbler if they're in need of repair. When time is of the essence, a cobbler will also shine and buff your shoes to perfection for a small fee.
Great tips from Askmen
Feel free to send contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com
ASK TINA

Q:submitted by: Anthony.

Tina, I have been coming to sublimedirectory.com for a long time and I never had a question for you until now. My sister-in-law was talking to me a couple of weeks ago and she was behind me talking to me while we were looking at some picture. While doing so, and I did not mind, I could not help but noticed that she seemed to be pushing her breast on my back. Could she be doing this unconsciously or was there something else? I just find it hard to beleive that a woman would not notice that she was doing that.

A:
Dear Anthony, We have tits. And just like your dick has a mind of its own, so do our tits. Sometimes we can't help it if they get in the way. Just because my tits happen to graze you doesnt mean im insinuating that I want to fuck you. I mean sometimes I do that for attention, but 99 percent of the time it's not that. They just get in the way. Now Im not saying that all women are like me. She could be the "Attention Seeker" kind. Shes could just flirting, but it's harmless. Or maybe she's a cheating bitch who can't be monogamous. Im going to say she most likely didnt notice they were touching you. If she keeps doing it, then tell her something. If she gets offended it's because she's pissed that you're not following through with her hints. That's when you have something to worry about. Good Luck Babe.

-Tina

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.

Fucked Up Prank, Evil Bastard!
 
 
Video contributions or suggestions to mailto:webmaster@sublimedirectory.com
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
A Balinese teenager caught in the act of intercourse with a cow passed out on Friday when he was forced to marry the animal in a ceremony witnessed by hundreds of curious onlookers. As the Jakarta Globe reported earlier in the day, Ngurah Alit, 18, an unemployed youth from the seaside village of Yeh Embang in Jembrana, was caught stark naked positioned behind the cow in a rice paddy field. In his defence, Alit admitted to the act of bestiality but claimed the cow, which he believed was a young and beautiful woman, had wooed him with flattering compliments. As part of a Pecaruan ritual, a ceremony to cleanse the village of the unholy act of a man mating with a cow, Alit was forced to “marry” the animal. Alit, however, according to Detik.com, passed out surrounded by locals and police, who were attempting to prevent a number of journalists from covering the spectacle. It is unclear whether or not he got to say “I do.” Alit’s collapse prompted his mother to begin screaming hysterically, while other family members shouted at photographers not to take pictures. “Poor kid. He’s actually a quiet kid,” said one villager. As part of the ceremony, Alit’s victim and new bride was drowned in ocean. Alit, on the other hand, was symbolically drowned and bathed on the beach. “Only his clothes were thrown into the sea,” the villager said. Village chief Ida Bagus Legawa declared that the village had been “cleansed” from the “defilement from the incident.”
 
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