A man is walking through the mall with his teen-age son. The son is tossing a quarter up in the air and catching it between his teeth. On one such attempt, the boy fails to clamp down with his teeth and ends up getting the quarter lodged in his throat. As the boy begins to choke and wheeze the father panicks and starts yelling for help. Not to far from the action is a man sitting at a coffee shop reading a paper and drinking his coffee, when he hears the fathers distressed cries he patiently puts down his coffee and folds his paper, he then walks slowly over to the boy and grabs him by the balls and squeezes the shit out of them. The boy coughs up the quarter and the man catches it in his hand and proceeds to walk away with it, sitting back down to his coffee. The amazed father runs over and says “Thank You Sir, you saved my son’s life, are you a Doctor?” “No” the man replies, “I work for the IRS.”

Q: submited by Mark
My girlfriend keeps initiating phone sex, but I always end up howling with laughter when we get into it. Any tips?

A:
The problem - though I hesitate to call this a problem - is that when your girlfriend dials your digits, she already has sex on the brain and is therefore prepped for a little 1-900 role-playing. Meanwhile, you've most likely been doing something about as sexual as drawing Easy Cheese faces on crackers or filing your monthly expense report. As a result, the sudden impact of her low, throaty whispers is more comedic than carnal. The solution: Ask her to hold the line for a minute. Now, put aside whatever you're doing, sit in a comfortable chair, take a deep breath, and picture her in the sexiest outfit and most compromising position your imagination can muster. Take a few seconds to savor some erotic details, then pick up the phone again and offer to describe the X-rated mental picture to her. Not sure how to vocalize your vision? Buy a book of erotica, like Sweet Life: Erotic Fantasies for Couples, by Violet Blue, to help build a dirty yet female-friendly vocabulary

-Tina