For The Week Of 07/07/02
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to mailto:webmaster@sublimedirectory.com?subject=stimes. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

A union boss at a convention in Las Vegas decides to visit a local brothel. He asks the madam, "Is this a union house?" "No, Iím sorry, it isnít," she says. "Well, if I pay $100, what do the girls get?" he asks. "The house gets $80 and the girl gets $20." Mighty offended by such unfair dealings, the man stomps off in search of a more equitable shop. Finally, he reaches a brothel where the madam says, "Why yes, this is a union house." "And if I pay $100, what do the girls get?" he asks. "The girls get $80 and the house gets $20." "Thatís more like it!" the man says. He looks around the room and points to a gorgeous young redhead. "Iíd like her for the night." "Iím sure you would, sir, butÖ" says the madam, gesturing at a 70-year-old woman in the corner, "Ethel here has seniority."

SITES OF THE WEEK
Group Therapy -Group TO Join.
Playahataz -Icy Hot Stunaz Part 2.
Irc Conversations -Hilarious!
Doritos -Wierd Flash Commercial!
Mac And Cheese -What Kind Are You!
War Games -Game Of The Week!
Tip and Trick of the Week
Cheat.... Big Casinos!
Besides using loaded dice or bribing a pit boss, counting cards is the only way to screw the house. Youíre going to keep one number in your head. Start from zero with a new deck, and as each card is flipped over, add or subtract as follows: For cards 2 through 6, add one; for 10ís, face cards, and aces, subtract one. Ignore 7ís, 8ís, and 9ís. At the end of each round, if the number in your head is positive, bet bigger than you normally wouldóthe deckís full of high cards, which is marginally worse for the always-hitting-on-16 dealer. If itís negative, bet the table minimum, for the opposite reason. Start with the number in your head for the next round, but begin at zero again when the deckís reshuffled. Be sure not to vary bets too widely. If you jump from a $5 bet to $75, then back down to $5 again, the guys behind the security cameras may catch on and reduce you to a carpet stain.
J. Black LA, Ca

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ASK DOCTOR JD

Q: submitted by Jackson

i have this 'problem' where i have a constant urge to masturbate. the problem is it takes up too much time, and sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night up to three times, and cant go back to bed until i jack off. ive tried just not doing it, but the urges get too hard to resist. unfortunately i dont have a girl to do this job for me, otherwise i wouldnt be complaining. how can i reduce the amount of times i have the urge to do this?

A:
unless you are doing it to the point where the skin on your penis is falling off i think you are cool. haven't you ever heard of "there is no such thing as too much of a good thing?" masturbating not only feels great but its a great stress relief. the only time you have a "problem" (and i think that this holds true for just about everything in life) is when something about [insert any vice here] is starting to have a negative impact on your life. our society and most religions have a real problem with gluttony. i say fuck 'em! i'm going to do what i want, when i want, and as many times as i want. as long as i have my shit together and i'm not hurting anyone in the process no one can say a damn thing about it. oh, and while we are on the subject of being sinful..i think you can definitely benefit from the company of an escort or a full service massage parlor. you mentioned "i don't have a girl to do this job for me." oh yeah you do...it will just cost you about $100 bucks. ;-) i've heard guys say things like "oh, i'd never pay for pussy." well unless you are paying for all those dinners, movies and valet parking on those early dates with monopoly money you are paying for pussy my friend! to find an escort just go to google.com and search for "escort" and the city you live in. unless you live in a super small town there should be plenty of results to choose from. think out of the box my friend. don't deny your urges! just remember to always be super responsible, competent and kind...everything will magically fall into place. trust me. ;-)

-JD

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


An Apple A Day Keeps The Doctor Away!
 
 

to view clip: right click mouse and choose "save target as" option. save the file "apples.mpg" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "apples.mpg" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.


1...2...???!


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STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
Israeli police announced in June that they were investigating reports that a syndicate in a town just north of Gaza was running daily betting pools on the site of the next suicide bombing, with odds ranging from 17-1 in the peaceful town of Eilat to 3-2 in Jerusalem. The syndicate's alleged betting cards limit the action to attacks by Arabs on Jews. [The Guardian (London), 6-13-02]

 
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Winner
"Return of the underwear ninga"-Crack
Runners-up
"yehaa....samarai rabbi!" -Bill
"Cut Yang, like hot butter, Danielson." -Donnie



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