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Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will
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OF THE WEEK
A very frustrated husband was down in the dumps about a health issue and had enough of it so he decided he was going to visit a doctor about it. So the next day he went to his doctor. “Doctor,” the embarrassed man said, “I have a sexual problem. I can’t get it up for my wife anymore.” “Mr. Thomas,” said the doctor, ”bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do.” The following day the worried fellow returned with his wife. “Take off your clothes, Mrs. Thomas,” the doc said. “Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Ok, you may put your clothes back on.” The doctor took the husband aside. “You’re in perfect health,” he said. “Your wife didn’t give me an erection either.”
Step 1: Find a quiet place to make the phone call.
Step 2: Call your boss. (Keep the excuse short and to the point and credible.)
Step 3: Cough a few times if necessary, or speak in a raspy voice for added effect. However, speaking somewhat slowly will probably work better!
Step 4: Get off the phone as quickly as possible. Here are a few tips that can be used to enhance the credibility of your sickness leading to your day off and the following day. A.) Fake pink eye, put water on your eyes before you go to bed. They should dry up, and then rub them when you wake up so they get red, or before you go to the doctor. :) B.) Complain of flu-like symptoms throughout the whole day prior to calling in sick. C.)If work calls home, and you were out call back work and say you were: going to the pharmacy, or you were sleeping or finally stopping throwing up long enough to call. stay short and concise, and then put in just one extra detail. D.) If you can, call your boss's voice mail or send him an e-mail rather than speaking with him or her directly. E.) Pre-write an SMS (text message) the night before. Then wake up in the morning, send the SMS, then go straight back to sleep! F.) Keep an eye out for other people who have been sick at work and use the 'I must have gotten it from Jim excuse. These should keep you in the clear and enjoying your fun in the sun or just for a free day to yourself.
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submited by Mike
My fiancée and I are about to get married and go on our honeymoon. We are both virgins. I am a bit nervous about when that special night comes because I am clueless about sex. What sex positions do you recommend to start out with since we are still virgins? Is anal sex a good idea to start? I've thought about using vibrators to pleasure her and possibly myself after reading up on it. I would like to try it, but I don't know if it is a good idea or not.
Truth be told, your first time probably won’t be very satisfying. You will probably reach climax too quickly and she won’t even come close to climaxing at all. Your second time might last a few seconds longer, but it still won’t be as great as you have built it up to be in your fantasies. For the first time you and your fiancée have sex, I recommend that you stick to the basic missionary position -- that is, you lie on top of her. Once you have penetrated her, depending on her response (some women find their first time having sex very painful) you can add some flair to this basic position. Try bending one or both of her knees toward her shoulders; this will allow for deeper penetration. Once you’ve got the missionary down pat, try other non-acrobatic positions like spooning (you both lie on your sides and you enter her from behind) and the female-dominant position (you like on your back; she’s on top of you). As soon as you become more comfortable with sex and begin to understand each other’s bodies better, you can bring out those whips and chains, or any other kinky pleasures that young, adventurous couples embrace nowadays. Using a vibrator for stimulation can help, but for the first few times I recommend only use it on her clitoris. Don’t penetrate her with it since it’ll probably be painful for her. You’re best bet for foreplay, however, is plain ol’ oral sex.I wouldn’t recommend anal sex if you’re completely inexperienced. There are more details to attend to like lubrication and cleanup. Add it to your to-do list for after you’ve become a tiger in the bedroom.
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you
a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or
sent in by you guys.
Cat Survives 3 Weeks Crossing Ocean
SAN BERNARDINO, Calif., Jul. 5, 2007
(AP) A cat whose owners thought was lost spent nearly three weeks crossing the Pacific Ocean in a shipping container with no food or water _ and appears to be just fine.
The voyage began after Pamela Escamilla lost sight of her 3-year-old calico, Spice, while packing a huge container with household goods in Waikoloa Village, Hawaii.
The container was shipped June 15 to Southern California. Escamilla, 39, and her husband couldn't find the cat before taking their flight and asked neighbors in Hawaii to call if Spice returned.
While the Escamillas feared the worst, Spice spent 18 days in the pitch-black container without food or water as it crossed the Pacific before arriving at the San Bernardino home of Escamilla's parents on Tuesday.
"We really thought that cat was going to be dead," said Edward Gardner, Escamilla's father.
When Escamilla opened the container, she and family members huddled around her noticed fluffs of cat hair on the floor.
They started removing items, and Escamilla climbed into the container to search.
"I saw (Spice) poke her head out from behind some bicycles, and I started to scream," said Escamilla. She gently picked up the cat and went to the veterinarian, who said the feline's prognosis was good.
"It's always a good day when the cat's alive," said Escamilla. "We didn't know what we would find."
Spice's kidneys had shrunk and her bowels were backed up, but she managed to get some food and water down at the vet, Escamilla said.
The vet gave the Escamillas a soup recipe for Spice made of chicken broth and marrow.
"(The vet) said, 'That's a calico for you,"' Escamilla said. "They have a survival instinct."
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