For The Week Of 07/14/2003
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to mailto:webmaster@sublimedirectory.com?subject=stimes. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

The owner of a horse farm receives a call from a friend, who informs him of a midget with a speech impediment who's interested in buying a horse. The owner has him send the midget over. The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female horse. “A female horth,” replies the midget. So the owner shows him one. “Nith looking horth, can I thee her mouf?” So the owners picks up the midget and shows him the horse’s mouth. “Nith mouf, Can I thee her eyeth?” Promptly, the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse’s eyes. “Ok, what about the eerth?” At this point, the owner is becoming aggravated, but he picks up the midget one more time and shows him the ears. “OK, finally, can I see her twat?” With that, the owner picks up the midget and shoves his head up the horse’s vagina, then pulls him out. Shaking his head, the midget laments, “Perhapth I thould rephrathe that. Can I thee her wun awownd?”

SITES OF THE WEEK
Rate My Implants -Boobies.
Baby Ink -Tattoos for Babies!
HeadAcher! -Gouge Out Your Eyes!
Men After Marriage -Stupid!
Trooper Clerks -Kevin Smith Inspired Short!
Battle Ship -Game Of The Week!
Tip and Trick of the Week
Cheat....Rental Car Services!

If you need wheels within the next 24 hours, you might want to try this. Peep around the lot at your preferred car rental establishment for its inventory—typically denoted by commercial license plates and/or a company sticker—and see what’s available. If they have a few economies, no intermediates, and some full-size or SUVs, simply call the national reservation line (or go online) and reserve the size they don’t have—in this case an intermediate. The national call center usually doesn’t care if the location has what you want and will take your reservation regardless, leaving the unsuspecting low-wage rental clerk to deal with you. Naturally, you’ll get a free upgrade to the next available vehicle class. I’ve been fortunate enough to reserve economy and drive away in an SUV on more than one occasion. contributions or suggestions to mailto:webmaster@sublimedirectory.com?subject=stimes_Tips&Tricks
ASK DOCTOR JD

Q: submited by Jesse
My boyfriend always wants to have sex while I'm on my period. I'm okay with it, but I don't understand how it's really possible. Like if he wants to touch me, won't it get a little MESSY?

A:
There's nothing medically harmful about having sex while you're on the rag. Just make sure you take your tampon out beforehand if you use them. Although it would be nearly impossible for it to get "lost" up there, it could be pretty uncomfortable and hard to fish out afterwards. So just excuse yourself to the bathroom and pull the plug prior to sex. Other than that, it's a personal choice. Some guys are okay with a little extra mess, some aren't. Likewise, some girls think it's fine; some are grossed out and would rather be celibate for 5-7 days every month. If you decide that both you and your guy are cool with it, that-time-of-the-month sex might be a little bit different from what you're used to. The natural lube your body produces might seem a little gooier, your sheets might require some serious stain stick (or you can put a towel down preemptively), and your guy might not want to have his hands involved in the whole production as much as he would otherwise. (Hey, maybe he will -- lucky you -- but I wouldn't blame him if he'd rather keep the manual stimulation external just this once or twice.) One big thing that is the same with period sex? You CAN still get pregnant! It seems weird, since school teaches us that this part of the cycle is when the egg gets flushed out. But while it's rare, it's actually still possible to wind up preggers, so you don't want to take any chances with sketchy "rhythm method" contraception. Besides, you'll need a condom to fend off STDs, which certainly don't care what color river they're swimming in (and may even prefer the red since it can mean convenient access into your blood stream through tiny vaginal tears left by tampons.) So throw on a Trojan just like usual.

-Tina

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


Matrix Table Tennis!
 
 

to view clip: right click mouse and choose "save target as" option. save the file "mtt.wmv" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "mtt.wmv" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.




Video contributions or suggestions to mailto:webmaster@sublimedirectory.com?subject=stimes_video.
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
Motorist Catherine Donkers got a ticket in Portage County, Ohio, on May 8 for not having her baby strapped in, mainly because she was breastfeeding it while she drove. Rather than pay the $100 fine, Donkers' husband, Brad Barnhill, demanded a trial with himself as the defendant, in that his First Christian Fellowship for Eternal Sovereignty teaches that the husband must take responsibility for all of his wife's public actions. (That religion's principal focus, according to founder Christopher Hansen, is keeping "God-given rights" free of "encroachment of the Beast," which is defined as the government.) Barnhill said that at his next court appearance, he will make a citizen's arrest of the prosecutor. [Akron Beacon Journal, 6-24-03]
 
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This is your chance to make a difference! Send in the captions that you think best suits "this weeks" picture below. If you win you get a free sublime T!

This Weeks



Last Weeks

Winner
"'See I told you those x-ray glasses that you ordered from that comic book work!"-Brick
Runners-up
"the empresses new bikini."-James
"Victoria's Secrets' new "Nipples 'N Bush" bikinis are flying off the shelves!"-Kronic



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