The owner of a horse farm receives a call from a friend, who informs him of a midget with a speech impediment who's interested in buying a horse. The owner has him send the midget over. The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female horse. “A female horth,” replies the midget. So the owner shows him one. “Nith looking horth, can I thee her mouf?” So the owners picks up the midget and shows him the horse’s mouth. “Nith mouf, Can I thee her eyeth?” Promptly, the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse’s eyes. “Ok, what about the eerth?” At this point, the owner is becoming aggravated, but he picks up the midget one more time and shows him the ears. “OK, finally, can I see her twat?” With that, the owner picks up the midget and shoves his head up the horse’s vagina, then pulls him out. Shaking his head, the midget laments, “Perhapth I thould rephrathe that. Can I thee her wun awownd?”

Q: submited by Jesse
My boyfriend always wants to have sex while I'm on my period. I'm okay with it, but I don't understand how it's really possible. Like if he wants to touch me, won't it get a little MESSY?

A:
There's nothing medically harmful about having sex while you're on the rag. Just make sure you take your tampon out beforehand if you use them. Although it would be nearly impossible for it to get "lost" up there, it could be pretty uncomfortable and hard to fish out afterwards. So just excuse yourself to the bathroom and pull the plug prior to sex. Other than that, it's a personal choice. Some guys are okay with a little extra mess, some aren't. Likewise, some girls think it's fine; some are grossed out and would rather be celibate for 5-7 days every month. If you decide that both you and your guy are cool with it, that-time-of-the-month sex might be a little bit different from what you're used to. The natural lube your body produces might seem a little gooier, your sheets might require some serious stain stick (or you can put a towel down preemptively), and your guy might not want to have his hands involved in the whole production as much as he would otherwise. (Hey, maybe he will -- lucky you -- but I wouldn't blame him if he'd rather keep the manual stimulation external just this once or twice.) One big thing that is the same with period sex? You CAN still get pregnant! It seems weird, since school teaches us that this part of the cycle is when the egg gets flushed out. But while it's rare, it's actually still possible to wind up preggers, so you don't want to take any chances with sketchy "rhythm method" contraception. Besides, you'll need a condom to fend off STDs, which certainly don't care what color river they're swimming in (and may even prefer the red since it can mean convenient access into your blood stream through tiny vaginal tears left by tampons.) So throw on a Trojan just like usual.

-Tina