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OF THE WEEK
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" The kid replies, "Yeah." The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did." The kid continued, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."
Rule 1: Go the busiest store near you to capitalize on worker confusion.The key is to find a store that is busy, where confusion makes it easy to get away with things. If you go to an empty store where the person who rings you up is the same person who makes your drink, you arenít getting away with anything.
Rule 2: Make it seem like your order was incorrect. If a barista screws up your order, they correct it and give you a coupon for a free drink the next time you come. Technically this isnít completely free since you have to make that first purchase, but you can keep the chain alive and get free drinks forever.
Rule 3: Purchase something small and then act like a patient, confused customer waiting for his coffee beverage. Order a baked good from the cash register person. After she gives it to you in a bag, mill around for about five minutes and then go to the barista and say, ďHave you made a grande white mocha?Ē Look confused but gentle, like a puppy dog. They will look at their cups and see it was missing, and then promptly add yours to the queue.
Rule 4: Wait by the bar like a snake and grab a drink that has been sitting there for more than 3 minutes. At busy stores the inefficiencies in the system cause a lot of duplicate drinks to be made. The drinks sit on the bar for a while until the baristaís throw them away. All you gotta do is go up there and grab a drink. This scam has a couple downsides: the drinks will probably be lukewarm by the time you get it and like a person shopping for a home in a hot real estate market, you will never get your first choice. Most of the drinks are lattes with some wussy modification like a splash of soy milk.
Rule 5: Greet baristaís by their name. It may be a good idea to tip them every now and then so they donít think you're cheap. Little do they know, you are just broke because you have no skills that companies would pay for. There are holes in every system and if your patient enough its easy to pick them apart with simple observation. ;-)
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submited by Fred
My brotherís wife is pregnant, but she still wants to use a condom. She is pregnant with one child -- not twins, but she said if he ejaculates inside her while she is pregnant it may cause her to have twins. Is this true?
Iíve heard many strange questions in my day, but this one takes the cake. Nevertheless, I will embrace it as a legitimate query and educate any other mothers-to-be and their extended families on the unlikelihood of conceiving while already pregnant. Simply put, the answer to the question you pose on behalf of your brother and sister-in-law is no. The process of ovulation is suspended during pregnancy, and thus prevents further ova (eggs) from being fertilized during intercourse. There is a rare condition called superfecundation in which a second pregnancy at a different stage of development can occur. This, however, commonly happens within hours or days of the first instance of fertilization. Iím assuming that your sister-in-law is beyond this term in her pregnancy. So, kindly relay the message at your next family gathering that sheís good to go without a condom.
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you
a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or
sent in by you guys.
Worlds apart: The moment the tallest man met the shortest
WORLD NEWS., Jul. 13, 2007
By Claire Bates
In terms of height they are worlds apart. The world's tallest man, Bao Xishun today shook hands with He Pingping who claims to be Earth's shortest. But these two men actually hail from the same region of Inner Mongolia. While Mr Xishun, 56, towers above everyone at an astonishing 7.9ft, 19-year-old Mr Pingping is a mere 2.4ft high. Bao Xishun, a herdsman from Chifeng, Inner Mongolia, was recently married in a traditional ceremony to a 28-year-old saleswoman from his hometown. At 5ft 6" Xia Shujian only comes up to his elbow and is half his age.He claims he was of normal height until he was 16 when he experienced a growth spurt and reached his present height seven years later. Mr Xishun was confirmed as the tallest person by the Guinness Book of Records last year. Mr Pingping was born nearby in Wulanchabu city, Inner Mongolia. His father claims he was only the size of an adult's palm at birth. He is now seeking to be registered as the world's shortest man by the Guinness Book of Records. He could be in for a disappointment though. While Mr Pingping is 73cms tall, the current holder of the title Lin Yih-Chih was measured as 67.5cm.
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"Porky's packin a poker that'll pretty much provide enough pleasure for that pink puntang!!"-CORY MAAG Runners-up
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