For The Week Of 07/18/2005
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK


After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on her night stand by the bed. He begins to worry.

"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.

"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.

"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.

"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.

"No, no, no!!!" she answers.

"Well, who in the heck is he, then?" he demands.

"That's me before the surgery."

SITES OF THE WEEK
Ultra Dog Disguise -From Dooberman To Poodle
Smoking Gun -Strippers Go To Far
Just Curious -Ask and Answer
Micheal Jackson-Chocolate Factory
Virtual Stripper -And You Dont Have To Tip Her
Crazy Frog -Game Of The Week!
Tip and Trick of the Week
Cheat...Free Beers
Next time you pick up a case of beer—after having a few, of course—look on the box for the customer service hotline. Call the number and tell the representative that you bought a case of beer and that it tastes sour. After reading off several serial numbers, they will send you a coupon for a case of beer. Just don’t try the same company more than once in a year.


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ASK TINA

Q: submited by Ted
I've never eaten a girl out before because I am just afraid to do it. I can't stand the smell and the juices. How can I get over this fear?
A:

Fear of muff-diving is not uncommon among men. There should be a clinical name for it - cunnilingaphobia maybe. As with all fears and phobias, the way to conquer it is to face it head on and desensitize yourself. I don't mean desensitize yourself as in turning into an insensitive bastard. Desensitization is a psychotherapy term that refers to exposing yourself repeatedly to the stimulus that triggers your fear (in this case, wet, juicy, smelly pussies) until the fearsome thing no longer seems threatening or unpleasant. If you've never confronted a woman's pussy face to face (so to speak), you need to do so. But you can work up to it. First things first, though. Since you're squeamish about the smell and taste of pussy, make sure that you're starting with a squeaky clean coochie. This can be a delicate topic; you can't just tell a girl she needs to wash her privates so you won't heave when you go down on her. Try to catch her at a time you know she'll be fresh, i.e. when she's recently showered. Or suggest taking a shower or bath together to get "in the mood". OK, back to technique. The next time you're having sex with a woman, finger her pussy and clitoris as part of foreplay. Get her turned on, get her wet, rub your digits all around in there and get a big fingerful of juices. Now bring it up to your face. Don't hold your breath! Take a big whiff of the scent of her honey-pot. Really smell it, in all its complexity. It doesn't just smell like day-old tuna (hopefully). If you dare, take a lick. Yes, with your tongue. Taste it, put it in your mouth. Not really so bad, is it? Salty, tangy, maybe a little sweet? If you get that far the first time out, you're doing great. The next time you have sex, repeat this procedure, but go one step further if you can. Take the juices on your fingers and smear them on your lips and around your mouth, and really feel the texture of her secretions. Get them up under your nose and around your nostrils (you will get juices on your nose if you go down on a woman properly). Lick your fingers and get a good taste of her in your mouth. Doing OK so far? Not hyperventilating? Then you may be ready to go directly to the next step: munching her carpet. Most women like it if you approach their pussy slowly rather than just pouncing on it with open jaws, so try kissing your way down her breasts, stomach and navel until you arrive at her pubes, or start and the bottom and work your way up the insides of her legs till you get to the crotch. Brush her clit lightly with your lips and tongue, get a little taste of her, then go in with your whole face and chow down. Here's another tip to make your hair pie experience more enjoyable. Understand where the smells are coming from. The unpleasant, fishy, skanky smell we associate with unwashed pussy is generated mainly by apocrine glands in the skin around the upper part of the vulva, in the folds around the labia major and minor (the pussy lips) and in and under the wrinkly skin covering the clitoris (which roughly corresponds to a foreskin, so if you think smegma, you get the idea). The juices that emanate from the vaginal opening, on the other hand, are generally (if the woman is healthy) less oderous and milder tasting. Of course, all this stuff gets mixed together in the act of cunnilingus, so it's in your best interest to get her primed and as wet as possible down there before eating her out. This way, the neutral vaginal juices will get flowing and dilute the areas that are more pungent. When you get down there, be sure to spread them around with your tongue and use a lot of saliva to keep things moist. Good luck and happy munching!

-Tina

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


Bicycle
 
 

to view clip: right click video and choose "save target as" option. save the file "bicycle" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "bicycle" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.




Video contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com.
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
ST. LOUIS — A man is being sued by Missouri Attorney General Jay Nixon for allegedly sending garbage and even feces to eBay customers who thought they were bidding for new or slightly used clothing. Nixon filed the fraud suit against Michael D. Pickens of Bethany. His wife, Tamera Pickens, told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch he is disabled with a rare blood disease, is unemployed and has never sold anything over the Internet. The suit claims Internet ads promised top-quality clothes, including ads from Victoria Secret, Banana Republic and other well-known brands. When customers placed their orders through the online auction site eBay, the suit says, Pickens arranged for the shipment to come from companies that sell industrial rags, unwanted clothing or household items meant for poor countries. In one case, a customer received feces. Nixon said Pickens either ignored or refused requests for refunds. The lawsuit, filed in Harrison County Circuit Court, seeks a permanent injunction and fines of $1,000 per violation.
 
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"Yeah, that's my spot, right there BROTHER!!!! OOOHHHHH-YYYEEEEAAAHHHH!!!!!" -Natasha Runners-up
"Hogan Knows Best… but the Ultimate Warrior Blows Best"-omer
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