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JOKE OF THE WEEK
A man proposes to his girlfriend of one year. She says yes, but has one condition. "I will marry you but I want to get married in Minnesota," the woman says. "There, you can meet my family and we can have a beautiful ceremony. Only then can we consummate the marriage." The woman, who is a virgin, says she has no experience with sex and wants her first time to be a memorable one. The man, because she is young and beautiful, obliges, and suggests they leave for Minnesota as soon as possible.
The next day, they got on a bus from New York. The only other passengers were members of a high school hockey team.
After 100 miles on the road, the bus breaks down and everyone has to get off the bus while it is repaired. While the man and woman wait, the man suggests the two go off into the woods and have a little fun since the bus won't leave for another hour. She is flattered, but says: "I think we should wait," and so they get back on the bus.
After another hundred miles, the bus breaks down again. Everyone gets off the bus and waits for it to be repaired. Again, the man asks his girlfriend to sneak off while they wait. "How about now?" he asks. "This journey is taking forever and I cannot wait any longer!"
Flattered, she insists they wait until they arrive in Minnesota. Everyone soon gets back on the bus.
For a third time, the bus breaks down. The man figures it is not worth bothering his girlfriend a third time. "She might become annoyed and not want to marry me," he thinks. Suddenly, she takes his hand, brings him into the woods and she experiences her first time.
As they are walking back to the bus, the man cannot help but say: "That was wonderful. You are a skillful lover! But what made you change your mind about having your first time after the wedding?"
The women looks at him and says: "Well, the hockey team said 'By the time we get to Minnesota, the fucking season would be over.'"
FeeX's Rollover Center Helps You with Your Old 401k
When you leave a job, you don’t want to forget about your 401(k). You can either keep that money where it is or roll it over into another retirement account, and FeeX’s new Rollover Center will help you decide.
It’s a free service that helps you discover all of the fees associated with your investment accounts. You simply link those accounts, and the site tells you how much you’re paying in fees over time.
Their recently released 401k Rollover Center takes this a step further, offering guidance on what to do with your old 401(k).
When your employer offers a 401(k) match, it makes sense to contribute to it.
But once you leave that job and the perk is off the table, your 401(k) account might not be the best vehicle for your retirement savings.
So not only does the service help you decide whether or not its best to rollover, they list your options for doing so, helping you along the way.
"What would your inputs be for an orgy, gb or other sex or romance related thing to celebrate being single or something? Pretend a lot of us here could get together next week. What would your preparations include?
What kind of place would be your favorites for the party?"
"I would require everyone to take a health test. I would also like to have a trusted friend be present to make sure I wasn't in any danger and could take me back to a comfortable place to relax after the orgy or gb. i think a private home would be the best place.
does it look like I've been thinking' about it? ;)"
CHICAGO, IL -- A suburban man spent his birthday in police custody after he tried to distract his beer-pong opponent with a gun Saturday and accidentally shot two people, authorities said.
Manus Shannon, 27, was playing beer pong at a Fourth of July party in Roseland about 9:20 p.m. Saturday when he pulled out a 9mm semiautomatic gun, according to police and prosecutors.
Shannon began waving the gun in his opponent's face to distract the 24-year-old South Chicago man during his turn, Assistant State's Attorney Erin Antonietti said during a bond hearing Monday.
The opponent pushed Shannon away, and as he did, the gun went off — striking the opponent in his finger and a 20-year-old Roseland man in his shoulder, prosecutors said. According to Antonietti, the 20-year-old was sitting nearby texting at the time and not involved with the game.
The victims drove themselves to Roseland Community Hospital after the shooting, which happened in the 9200 block of South Forest Avenue, police said. Both men's conditions had stabilized.
Shannon was arrested at his suburban Blue Island home late Saturday and charged with reckless discharge of a firearm. Sunday was Shannon's 27th birthday, court documents show.
On Monday, Cook County Judge Adam Bourgeois Jr. ordered Shannon held in lieu of $100,000 bail.
Prosecutors said Shannon had an FOID card and conceal-and-carry permit in Arkansas, where he lived until February. When he moved to Illinois, however, Shannon got an Illinois driver's license, but failed to update his gun paperwork.
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