For The Week Of 07/26/2004
Happy with all the porn you are taking off sublime.. time to give something back...
This week's sublime times features more jokes, cool sites, cheat tips, and of course
Sex questions... all of them for you by you... Of course we will sweeten the pot and throw
world famous sublime T-shirts and hats if we use your submission on ANY of the sections below...
Email entrees to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com. Please give us feedback too!

JOKE OF THE WEEK

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back." "Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife. "I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer." The wife said "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc. The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses..." He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face?” She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it. The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious...I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?" You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh? "She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc. "But my sweet honey... at the bar... you know... there's swearing, dirty words and all that..." "You want dirty words, cutie pie?... ....LISTEN UP, DICKHEAD! DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR GODDAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED NOW, YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT, ASSHOLE?"

SITES OF THE WEEK
Harley Hearse -Go Out In Style!
Scare Tactics -Scary Cruel Jokes.
Winking Jesus -Exp the Miracle!
Ms. Georgia Sex Offender Pagent -Bueaties!
Spot The Diffrence -You Get 30 Seconds.
Bikini Bounce -Game Of The Week!
Tip and Trick of the Week
Cheat...Java Giants!
Mashing your fingertip into the end of a pen cap for roughly a minute can create quite a convincing looking blister, which can work toward getting you a free meal or latte from your local condescending coffee shop. The trendiest of java joints like to display their half-million-dollar chrome brewing machines as close to the customer as possible. So, hold the pen cap in your coat pocket and apply the pressure while you’re waiting for your order. Once it’s ready, reach out and accidentally touch the brewing machine (even if it isn’t hot, they’ll be too panicked to notice. If it is hot, don’t actually touch it, you moron). Cause a big scene, clutching your finger and drawing sympathy. Then, just walk off with your order. They’re not likely to stop you; they’ll just be relieved you didn’t tell their manager. If nothing else, just minutes later you can use this trick to show off your superhuman regenerative abilities to the hottie behind the counter. contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com
ASK TINA

Q: submited by Rick
I just broke up with my long time girlfriend and am having a really hard time getting over her, what do you suggest?

A:
Remember the scene in Pulp fiction when John Travolta and Sam Jackson head over to Harvey Keitel's house to get cleaned up after blowing a kid's brains out in the backseat of their car? That scene is your inspiration. You must get rid of every sign that your girlfriend ever existed as quickly as possible--that picture of the two of you on the fridge, the lacy thong in your underwear drawer, the vanilla-scented shampoo in the shower, that little plastic thing she found at Dairy Queen--put it all out of sight. Then ask your friends and family to take a break from talking about her for a while. One day down the road when the wound isn't so raw and bloody, you can treasure the good times and analyze the bad. But right now, you need to let go in a big way, and that means having nothing around to hold on to--so don't forget to erase her number from your cell phone and store all her emails in a folder marked ?last year's taxes.' It's tough love now but in two months, you'll be thanking me.

-Tina

 
CLIP OF THE WEEK
This is our special section that will bring you a new sublime clip every week. It will either be filmed by us or sent in by you guys.


Ass Blazer!
 
 

to view clip: right click flash and choose "save target as" option. save the file "assblaser.wmv" to your desktop. once downloaded simply double click the new "assblaser.wmv" icon on your desktop to watch the movie.




Video contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com.
 
 


STRANGE NEWS HEADLINES
OSLO (Reuters) - Angry hotel workers in Norway want to ban pay-TV pornography to stop naked porn-watching guests calling room service to lure female staff to their rooms. A typical trick by guests, mostly businessmen, is to call the front desk for extras, such as fresh towels, to get female company, said the Norwegian Hotel and Restaurant Workers' Union, reporting a rising number of complaints. "Most room service personnel work alone. It can be very unpleasant to get called to a room to be met by a naked man," union leader Eli Ljunggren told Reuters. She said the complaints ranged from sleazy remarks to physical assaults. "Pornography does not belong in hotel rooms. Pay-TV should be limited to entertainment," she said. Most Norwegian hotels, like many hotels around the world, have easy access to pornography channels in hotel rooms for a fee.
 
BEAT THE CAPTION-- GET FREE STUFF!

This is your chance to make a difference! Send in the captions that you think best suits "this weeks" picture below. If you win you get a free sublime T!

This Weeks



Last Weeks

Winner
"Its a celebration biatches, and its in my pants!"-Ez
Runners-up
"Kimbo...Before Trimspa baby!"-Mike
"Franco Harris shows Bourbon Street how he celebrated the "Immaculate Reception" Touchdown "-Danny



contributions or suggestions to webmaster@sublimedirectory.com



kid your support..Suggest SublimeTimes to a friend!
Friend's Email:
Your name: NOTE: Please put a name your friend will recognize

Archived Issues:
|06-18-2001 |06-25-2001 |07-02-2001 |07-09-2001 |07-16-2001 |
|07-23-2001 |07-30-2001 |08-06-2001 |08-13-2001 |08-20-2001 |
|08-27-2001 |09-03-2001 |09-10-2001 |09-17-2001 |09-23-2001 |
|10-01-2001 |10-08-2001 |10-15-2001 |10-22-2001 |10-30-2001 |
|11-05-2001 |11-12-2001 |11-17-2001 |11-24-2001 |12-03-2001 |
|12-10-2001 |12-17-2001 |12-24-2001 |12-31-2001 |01-07-2002 |
|01-14-2002 |01-21-2002 |02-04-2002 |02-11-2002 |02-18-2002 |
|02-25-2002 |03-03-2002 |03-10-2002 |03-18-2002 |03-25-2002 |
|04-01-2002 |04-08-2002 |04-15-2002 |04-22-2002 |04-29-2002 |
|05-06-2002 |05-13-2002 |05-20-2002 |05-27-2002 |06-03-2002 |
|06-10-2002 |06-17-2002 |06-24-2002 |07-01-2002 |07-07-2002 |
|07-15-2002 |07-22-2002 |07-29-2002 |08-05-2002 |08-12-2002 |
|08-19-2002 |08-26-2002 |09-02-2002 |09-09-2002 |09-16-2002 |
|09-23-2002 |09-30-2002 |10-07-2002 |10-14-2002 |10-21-2002 |
|10-28-2002 |11-04-2002 |11-11-2002 |11-18-2002 |11-25-2002 |
|12-02-2002 |12-09-2002 |12-16-2002 |12-23-2002 |12-30-2002 |
|01-06-2003 |01-13-2003 |01-20-2003 |01-27-2003 |02-03-2003 |
|02-10-2003 |02-17-2003 |02-24-2003 |03-03-2003 |03-10-2003 |
|03-17-2003 |03-24-2003 |03-31-2003 |04-07-2003 |04-14-2003 |
|04-21-2003 |04-28-2003 |05-05-2003 |05-12-2003 |05-19-2003 |
|05-27-2003 |06-02-2003 |06-09-2003 |06-16-2003 |06-24-2003 |
|06-30-2003 |07-07-2003 |07-14-2003 |07-21-2003 |07-28-2003 |
|08-04-2003 |08-11-2003 |08-18-2003 |08-25-2003 |09-01-2003 |
|09-08-2003 |09-15-2003 |09-22-2003 |09-29-2003 |10-06-2003 |
|10-13-2003 |10-20-2003 |10-27-2003 |11-03-2003 |11-10-2003 |
|11-17-2003 |11-24-2003 |12-01-2003 |12-08-2003 |12-15-2003 |
|12-22-2003 |12-29-2003 |01-05-2004 |01-12-2004 |01-19-2004 |
|01-26-2004 |02-02-2004 |02-09-2004 |02-16-2004 |02-23-2004 |
|03-01-2004 |03-08-2004 |03-15-2004 |03-22-2004 |03-29-2004 |
|04-05-2004 |04-12-2004 |04-19-2004 |04-26-2004 |05-03-2004 |
|05-10-2004 |05-17-2004 |05-24-2004 |05-31-2004 |06-07-2004 |
|06-14-2004 |06-21-2004 |06-28-2004 |07-05-2004 |07-12-2004 |
|07-19-2004 |




[ back to sublime main ]